I swallowed the fear rising in my throat. “What if she won’t take me back? What if I’ve fucked it up forever.”
Jack’s mouth curled up on one side in a smirk. He was enjoying my self-inflicted disaster way too much. “If she feels the same, she’s probably hoping you come see her. But just to be sure, you’d better have your duckies in a row. You need a plan, one that she can’t ignore, one that says ‘I’m an idiot, and I fucked up, and I don’t deserve you, but I can’t help but try anyway because my life will be ruined without you.’”
“Oh, so nothing much, then.” I gave him a hopeless look. There was no way she’d forgive me.Iwouldn’t forgive me.
“Wow, when did you turn into such a giver upper?”
I shrugged.
“Remember when we were teenagers, and the only thing you wanted to do was work for Knight Advertising, and Dad said you weren’t good enough? He set you minimum grades to get, what degree you had to have, and none of it was easy, but you did it. You kept up your confidence, even though he spent your youth putting you down. Even when he gave that Eric dude the entry job he promised you, and you had to intern for no pay for an extra year.” His brow wrinkled. “Argh, the more I think about it, the more I hate Dad. What a dick.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. But look at where I am. He still calls the shots. After all that hard work, sacrifice, and putting up with his bullshit, where did I get? Fired for nothing I did wrong.” Anger toasted my insides. I clenched my fists. My whole life, I’d been chasing after approval from a man who didn’t deserve my respect. Maybe it was time to accept he couldn’t be the father I needed and move on.
A plan started to form, one that might just get Faith back—which was the most important thing. I wasn’t sure about my job, but then again, I was starting to realize that I needed a clean break from my father if I wanted to hold onto any self-respect. It wasscary, but I let the idea that I wasn’t going to try to go back to Knight Advertising seep into every cell. And surprise, surprise, I didn’t drop dead on the spot. But in order to forge my own path, I’d need to clear my name, restore my reputation.
Jack narrowed his eyes. “Is that problem-solving going on in that peabrain of yours?”
I smiled for the first time since the day I pushed Faith out of my life—the worst day of my life. Surely the only way was up. “Yes. Want to brainstorm? I think it’s time to get my donuts in a row.” Or one Donut Girl in particular.
Jack laughed. “He’s back. Finally.”
I might be back, but it was only because if I didn’t buck up, I’d lose Faith for sure. My plan didn’t have a 100 percent chance of succeeding, but it was better than nothing, and I’d take those odds. Because if I didn’t have Faith, I had nothing.
CHAPTER 34
FAITH
After five days of moping around Amy’s flat, red-eyed and barely functioning, replaying that awful boardroom scene over and over again, I couldn’t do it to her anymore. Despite her pleas, I left the city. Besides, everything reminded me of Curtis. If I saw a well-dressed man, a Porsche, a black car, an older character building, the letters C or K, even a donut, I thought of him.
It was getting ridiculous. My mental health wouldn’t be great at Momster’s, but even that would be better than riding out the pain at Amy’s place. Once I found somewhere to live that didn’t involve sleeping on the couch and hairy-belly sightings, I’d get my five boxes sent over.
I’d only been back in Braidesville on the outskirts of Scranton, Pennsylvania for one day, but I wasn’t wasting any time. In a moment that felt full circle, I’d spent a couple of hours visitingevery store within fifteen-minutes’ drive of the place I used to call home. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’d gone to school with the manager at the main grocery store, and she said they could use an on-call casual. She took my details and was going to let me know in the next few days. I’d also gotten into a conversation at the local law firm, and they wanted their website redone—copy, design, and pics. I gave them one of my old cards, and they were going to get back to me ASAP, so that was something.
Next was finding an apartment. I was sitting on Mom’s couch—at least I didn’t have far to go to bed, ha!—on my laptop. There were a few one-bedrooms available within ten minutes’ bus ride of the places I’d applied. The two I could afford were modern—when you counted the 20thCentury as modern—and one was inhabited by a hoarder, if the pics were anything to go by, but they were better than nothing. I got on my phone and made appointments to see them tomorrow. By the time I hung up, the growly noise of Mom’s holey-mufflered car vibrated through the house as she pulled into the driveway.
She soon walked in the door, returning from her shift at the local hospital. Brandy and her dad were both still at work, meaning my first full day in this house hadn’t been as bad as I expected. Coming here on a Monday was strategic on my part. Even in my devastation, my survival instincts were intact.
Mom shut the door, her gaze finding me straight away. “Please tell me you haven’t been sitting there all day.”
Just breathe. When I’d arrived yesterday afternoon, she’d eagerly hugged me, but it wasn’t long before the “I told you so” started, all the while Brandy sniggered from her recliner.
“Nope. I visited every shop and business on Main Street. Megan at Spicer’s said they had a casual job going. She’s talking to the boss tonight. It wouldn’t be a lot of hours, but it’s a start, and that law firm wants their website redone. They’re going to get back to me in the next few days.”
Mom sighed. “Honestly, you need to give that marketing stuff away. It’s brought you nothing but problems. That job’s too good for you, and you know what I say about that.”
My eyes widened in mock curiosity. “No. What do you say?” Mom would miss the sarcasm, but I didn’t care anymore. It was my own fault I was back here. I deserved all the mom “wisdom” she could dish out. Maybe it would leave a scar that I couldn’t ignore that would stop me before I dated any man ever again, rich or otherwise. Rich men were just poor men with more money. They all had the ability to be dickheads and disappointments.
Why hadn’t Curtis been different?
Pain lanced through my chest, and I placed my hand on my stomach, blinking back the burn of unshed tears. It was hard to take a proper breath. Since when had a broken heart felt so real, like it was tearing itself apart from the inside out? As much as I was angry at Curtis, I understood why he’d shut down that day and pulled away from me—his family was everything to him, as was his father’s approval.
But I was nothing.
Mom’s mouth had been open to likely chastise me, but she stopped, her forehead furrowing. “Are you all right?” Her voice was gentler than normal. Seemed she did have a heart. It just wasn’t always functional.
I must have it bad if I was considering opening up to her. I forced the tears away and took a steadying breath. “I know this is all my fault for being stupid, but it does hurt. I really thought Curtis was the one. You know?” My eyes burned.Argh, not again.I’d spent the last week crying. I didn’t want to shed any more tears. I was tired. Being heartbroken was more exhausting than running a marathon with a flu while carrying a fully grown panda. When was the undercurrent of anger in my blood going to swell and take over? I was so pathetic.
Why did I have to fall for him? Oh, that’s right, he wasgorgeous—irresistibly so—creative, kind to people who weren’t me, and even after he showed me that he was a grumpy bosshole, I fell for his nice-guy act as soon as he played it. He needed my help, and I’d been there for it. Were there anti-gullibility classes I could take? I’d imagine they’d be called “asshole aware” classes. Hmm, maybe I should set that up when I finally got over Curtis… in ten years from now. My life would mean something if I could save other women from making the same dumb mistakes I had.
