Pea: Alex always liked to thoroughly analyse everything that happened in our lives and I just didn’t have the time or inclination for it that day. Could I have been a better friend? Absolutely. Did I think he had something serious going on? Absolutely not.
Alex: Over the years, Mum always asked me who I’d spent time with at school, and I always said Pea. She would say, ‘No one else?’ She didn’t like me putting all my eggs in one basket, friendship-wise. She was terrified that Pea’s family would move away or she’d change schools or we’d fall out, and I’d have no one. And then, I got it.
Danny: But what of Sebastian and AJ? How was that little friendship developing?
Sebastian: In the afternoon, AJ came over and it was the same routine as ever. Tea, biscuits, low-key chat about this and that. It was the first time he’d brought Lou with him. Lou was probably in his late thirties, quite overweight and a bit dishevelled. AJ introduced him as his ‘money manager’. It felt weird, having someone else there, but I wasn’t going to ask Lou to leave.
Pea walked in just as we were finishing up. She stopped in the doorway and looked from me to AJ to Lou like she couldn’t believe her eyes. She asked if everything was okay. AJ stood up, drained his mug and said everything was fine. And then he left, Lou following closely behind. She sat down where he’d beensitting and said, ‘So are you and AJ friends now or what?’ I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t know what we were. I just shrugged and pushed my chair back and went up to my room.
Pea: Walking in on Sebastian, AJ and Lou having a cup of tea together was so weird. I couldn’t imagine them having a single thing in common. But Sebastian clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and I don’t think it ever happened again, so I put it out of my mind.
Zak: I think that was the day that Mom went back to the States. There was something going on with the next album and either her or Maggie needed to go and sort it out. They decided Maggie should stay in England. I asked whether Lou could go, because I had this bad feeling about him, always had, but Mom insisted it had to be her, so we said goodbye. She said she’d be back in a few days.
When I walked over from the bus to Pea’s house to pick her up that evening, my heart was in my throat. Earlier in the day, when we’d kissed against that ice cream stand, I’d been so happy. But it felt like weeks had passed since then, felt like Pea had somehow morphed back into a stranger. Her mum answered the door, and she gave me a look that left me in no doubt that she disapproved. In the hallway, she leaned in close and said, ‘She is only just sixteen, Zak. Please remember that.’ And then before I could answer, she turned and called up the stairs and Pea appeared, looking cute in combat trousers and a fitted tee. She didn’t look at me as she walked down the stairs. And then we were outside, and it was still warm so I took off my sweater. We were quiet, in a way we’d never been. How had things got so messed up so quickly? I asked her what was going on with her, and she shrugged.
Pea: I couldn’t believe he was going to make me say it. It was obvious he’d gone off me, that he’d seen there were other girls in our town and started being distant and cold. But when I said all that, he started laughing. I was so taken aback and so annoyed I shoved him in the side, and he almost went into the road. Then I asked him what was so funny. He said that the only reason he’d been acting like that was because I’d said to Nicole and co that we were just friends. He’d thought I was embarrassed. I couldn’t work out what kind of world he lived in that he thought someone like me would be embarrassed to be seeing someone like him. We both ended up laughing about it, and I was so relieved I felt like I could cry, too.
Zak: Once we’d got that misunderstanding straightened out, we were back to the way things were before. Holding hands, sneaking kisses. I took her to the burger place we’d been to on my last visit. There weren’t many restaurants in town, for one thing, and I thought it might be nice to relive that date, the one on which we’d really started to like each other. We both ordered cheese and bacon burgers, I think, and milkshakes. I liked that she liked food. Back home, the girls all seemed to be competing to see who could eat the least.
Pea: It was all going fine until he asked me what I thought about AJ. I stopped eating, my burger almost finished. I wondered, absently, whether I had any sesame seeds from the bun in my teeth. And I said I thought AJ was a bit spoilt.
Zak: She said AJ was a brat, or something like that. And listen, I know I shouldn’t have asked. I knew better than anyone that AJ could be a handful, that people didn’t always warm to him, because they saw the demanding, moody side of him and not the boy I grew up alongside. The one who liked playing stupid pranks and always shared his candy with me. What did I thinkshe was going to say? That he was charming, all sweetness and light? He’d been restless and a bit obnoxious ever since we’d arrived. But you know how it’s okay for you to criticise members of your family but no one else can, right? So it really stung when she said that. It was because she meant a lot to me, and I wanted her to see who he could be. Not pop star AJ. Not mega-rich, I-want-that-and-I-want-it-now AJ. I wanted her to see the kid who used to look at me like I was his hero, who’d only play basketball at the park if I went along too. The one who’d bring me a McDonalds cheeseburger back from any trip into town. But I hadn’t seen much of that kid lately, and I knew Pea hadn’t seen him at all. Anyway, it soured things a bit, and I was pissed with her for saying it, and pissed with myself for asking her.
Pea: It kind of ruined the whole evening.
Zak: So we’d started off badly but managed to pull it back, and then it had gone south again. I asked for the check without asking if she wanted dessert. And then we were back out on the street, but all the warmth had gone from the evening. Pea hadn’t brought a jacket or anything and I could see the gooseflesh on her arms. I offered her my sweater, and she put it on. We both laughed because it looked ridiculous on her, and then she said that she was sorry for what she’d said about AJ, and I shrugged and pretended it didn’t matter, even though it did.
Pea: Mum had told me to be back by ten thirty, and it was only nine. I wanted to go somewhere with him, somewhere we could be on our own, but I didn’t know how to ask.
Zak: I couldn’t take her back to the bus, because AJ would be there, but I didn’t want the evening to end either. I asked if she wanted to go for a walk around the park. It was going dark and obviously there were no lights on because it was shut down, sowe stumbled about a bit. There was this huge trampoline in the kids’ play park, and we ended up there, and Pea took her shoes off and started jumping. I couldn’t see her face but she was laughing, and it was infectious. I started laughing too, stooped down to take my own shoes off. I got onto the trampoline and took hold of both her hands and we jumped together. I hadn’t been on a trampoline for years, and there was something about the pure joy of it, the childishness. I think I let go of some of the tension I’d been holding. And it sounds crazy, but I was sure I was falling in love with her.
Pea: We ended up lying back on the trampoline, holding hands. We were both looking up at the stars and he said he thought it was wild that he was thousands of miles from home but looking up at the same stars he could see from there. And then he rolled onto his side and I rolled onto mine and we were kissing, his lips on my lips, then my jaw, then my collarbone. I wanted to have sex with him, then. I’d been thinking and worrying about it so much but something raw and animal just took over and I wanted to be as close to him as I could be, skin to skin. I asked him where we could go, and he grinned at me. We went back to the bus to see if AJ was there. He wasn’t, but I was conscious that he could walk in at any time. Zak told me he’d lock the door from the inside, and that way AJ would have to knock and we’d at least get some warning. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best we could do. I didn’t think about where AJ was.
Alex: AJ was with me. I’m not proud of it. He’d treated me like shit, got off with someone else in front of me, but he called my house and asked me to come over. Half his team had gone out for dinner and drinks so there was a free bus. I said, ‘What about your bus?’ and he laughed and said he thought Pea and Zak would probably end up screwing in there at some point. I nearlypicked him up on that. I didn’t like the way he talked about Pea. But I didn’t, because he said something else. ‘Come over, please. I want you.’ I practically ran there.
Pea: Zak led me over to his bed and we sat on the edge of it, kissing. At some point we fell back and he was on top of me and we were taking our clothes off. I kept thinking about all the things I’d ever heard about losing your virginity. That it hurts, that you bleed, that it’s just something to get over and done with. But it didn’t feel like that, for me. Zak was slow and gentle and I felt this connection to him, like we were caught in a web together or something like that. I mean, I was young. Naïve. But it felt like love.
Alex: On the walk over, I told myself I’d wait for him to apologise. But when I got there, he didn’t even speak. He was waiting outside, in the dark, and he nodded his head to show which direction we were going in, and I followed him to the bus. Once we were inside, he didn’t put a light on, he just grabbed me by my belt and started kissing me. It was rough and urgent. When he pushed me back on the bed, half of me liked it and half of me wanted to speak out, to say that I was a person, not a toy. I wouldn’t have dreamed of telling him it was my first time. It was really clear that he was more experienced than me.
Pea: Afterwards, Zak kissed my eyelids, and I laughed. He asked why and I couldn’t tell him. I was just so happy. He held me really tight and when I said I had to get dressed and go home, he wouldn’t let me go for a minute or so. I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to break the spell.
Alex: Afterwards, I said I should get going and AJ said ‘yeah’, and I realised it was the first word he’d spoken in the whole time I’d been there. He didn’t see me out. I walked home with tearsstinging my eyes. Why was I letting him treat me like that? But I knew why. He was AJ Silver, wasn’t he? Beautiful and almost magic. Known the world over but only touched by a few.
Danny: So Pea and Alex lost their virginities to brothers on the same night. It would be sweet if it wasn’t all so messed up.
Pea: The next day, on the walk to school, I asked Alex why he’d left abruptly when we were all down by the river. He said he couldn’t stand being around Nicole and her friends. I understood that. He asked how my date with Zak had gone, and I said it was nice. I didn’t want to tell him what had happened. I felt like a different person, somehow, someone a bit more grown-up and knowledgeable about the world. I wasn’t ready to dissect that.
Alex: Pea didn’t say much about her date with Zak, and I certainly didn’t tell her about my encounter with AJ. We talked about a History project we were doing instead, and it felt a bit like old times.
Zak: When Pea and Alex were at school, and AJ was in rehearsals for long days, I mostly walked around the park, thinking about what I was going to do with my life. Somehow, it felt like going on rides alone would be dumb, and it used to make me laugh that AJ had insisted on there being a full staff. There were people in green Wildworld T-shirts everywhere, just sitting around with nothing to do. At least the weather was good. Sometimes I’d go into town, and that would usually end up with people thinking I was AJ, then realising I wasn’t. It doesn’t do much for your self-confidence, when people get really excited thinking you might be your younger brother. I felt kind of sorry for myself, I think. I was so lost. I mean, I think a lot of teenagers don’t really know what they’re doing or where they’re heading,but I had an extreme case of that. I had a place at college waiting for me and I still didn’t know whether I was going to go. But I knew for sure I didn’t want my whole life to be like this, waiting around for AJ to finish whatever he was doing. Travelling the world was a huge privilege, and I knew that, but it was his thing. It wasn’t mine.
Pea: I had exams going on. I sometimes forget that. I’d done all right throughout school, and I’d worked hard on my revision, in between daydreaming about Zak, but I found it tough to concentrate knowing what was happening at home. I just wanted to be back there, all the time. And it was funny, because the real action was taking place elsewhere – the rehearsals and the concerts. When I was at the park or at home, it didn’t feel different other than the fact that Zak and AJ were around and the park was empty. The crowd at the gate had more or less dispersed. Even adoring teenage fans can’t stick around forever if you don’t give them anything to live off. Sometimes there were a handful of them there, and they’d change. Like they were tag teaming or something. The concerts had started, and AJ’s moods were all over the place. He always seemed to be on a massive high or really agitated. And he invited Nicole and her friends over a couple of times.
Alex: AJ and I were together on and off the whole time. Whenever there was an opportunity to be alone, we’d sneak off. I don’t think anyone noticed, because they didn’t expect it, and because Pea and Zak were so wrapped up in each other. But he was seeing Nicole too, and that was out in the open.
Nicole: I didn’t think I’d ever hear from him again after that first day, but a couple of days later Mum called me to the phone and mouthed that it was ‘someone American’, and I felt like I was going to faint. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, andI hoped he meant do more of the stuff we’d done in that field. And he did. There was a lot of bus-hopping, because there were a few couples looking for somewhere to go. Two of his team, if I remember correctly, and then Pea and Zak, of course. I still couldn’t get over that. I’d been hoping to set Zak up with Kelly or Fay, but it never happened. I think it was about the third or fourth time that we had sex. It wasn’t my first time. And it wasn’t that good, either, if I’m being totally honest. It was hurried and frantic – typical teenage sex, I suppose.
Alex: Every time I saw him and Nicole together, I’d promise myself that I’d say no next time he grabbed my hand or phoned me. But I never did. It’s hard to explain, because when I look at photos of him now, he just looks like a teenage boy. I mean, he was hot, and he had this aura, but it was like I was under some kind of spell, and it would never happen to me now.
