Sebastian: One afternoon, AJ asked if I wanted to come to the Manchester show. He said they were taking one of the buses and Pea and Alex and Nicole were going. I said no thanks. It wasn’t my thing. He laughed at that, like no one had ever said no to him before.
Danny: Time for the show. Sebastian didn’t want a ticket, but everyone else did.
Pea: When the Manchester show came around, there was a crowd of us going. Me, Alex, and Nicole were travelling there on the tour buses with AJ and his crew. Mum and Dad had let me take the day off school because they were leaving at lunchtime to get everything set up and sound checked. That had been a whole drama, with plenty of tears, but I didn’t have an exam that day, so I really didn’t need to be there. I felt anxious on the journey and I didn’t know why. I never felt relaxed aroundNicole, I suppose. Her and AJ were flirty and I often saw them kissing or sneaking off to an empty bus, but I never saw them holding hands or anything like that. It just felt sort of fake. And I hated watching Alex watch them. I had no idea, back then, that something was going on with Alex too. It’s awful, looking back. Like Nicole was this front, because he didn’t want people to question his sexuality. We arrived at the venue and there was nothing to do for a few hours. Zak and I sat in the empty stadium and watched AJ rehearse some of his costume changes. It was quite fascinating for me but I could tell that Zak was bored. I suppose he’d seen it all before. I said, ‘It’s hard to imagine that in a few hours’ time, this place will be full of screaming girls.’ He just shrugged.
After a while, we went to get something to eat. AJ was busy so Zak said he’d bring him back a burger. Alex and Nicole tagged along and we found a McDonalds and Zak ordered everyone’s food. I tried to offer him money, but he said it would be covered on expenses. We found a table and when he brought the food over, there were bags and bags of it. He said he thought it was easier to just get a bit of everything. It made me laugh. Whenever I went to McDonald’s with Alex, I’d have three pounds to spend on a value meal and that was it.
Nicole: That McDonald’s trip was bad even before all hell broke loose. There was no love lost between me and Pea or Alex, and Zak was sort of oblivious and just tried to keep the conversation going. I think there was something going on with Pea and Alex too. They weren’t the same as they’d always been before. It was like they were strangers.
Alex: Things with Pea had been weird ever since this whole escapade had started. She was secretive about her relationship with Zak, and it felt like she’d found him and ditched me. Nicolekept making little digs, saying things like she’d never envisaged doing something social with me and Pea and it was exactly as fun as she’d thought it would be.
Zak: Yeah, Nicole was a bitch. I didn’t know why AJ was hanging out with her. She was kind of pretty, but it didn’t make up for the way she spoke to people.
Alex: She was talking about AJ as if he was her husband or something. I said, ‘You do know he won’t remember your name in a month’s time?’
Pea: It went so quiet after that. Then Nicole stood up and threw her milkshake in Alex’s face. He did that comedy thing you see clowns do after getting hit in the face with a cream pie, wiping the gunk from his eyes. She stormed off.
Nicole: I probably shouldn’t have done it, no. Would I do it again? Probably. Alex and Pea were nobodies. They weren’t important. But I knew it would get back to AJ, through Zak if no one else. I walked back to the venue and the security guards wouldn’t let me in. I said I was with AJ, and they just laughed. So I had to wait there until the others arrived.
Zak: We cleaned Alex up as well as we could in the toilets and then we headed back. There was loads of food left over so I put it all in my backpack for AJ and the crew. Nicole was standing outside the main entrance, looking sheepish. As we approached, she said, ‘Will you tell them I’m with AJ?’ The security guards looked at me. Pea squeezed my hand. I said, ‘I’m sorry, I’ve never seen this girl before in my life.’ We walked in with her screaming after us.
Alex: It was brilliant. Made it worth the milkshake thing. AJ wasn’t on the stage so I went to his dressing room and knockedon the door. He was pacing, clearly tense. He asked what had happened to my hair and T-shirt, and I told him. He came over to me, kissed me hard like he was angry, started to unbutton my jeans. I reached across and locked the door. He said something, while we were undressing, something like ‘You’re better than her’ or ‘It’s you I want to be with’. I can’t quite go back to it, in my mind. There have been a fair few sexual encounters since then, but those early ones are so formative, especially if they’re with someone enormously famous. It was enough, anyway, whatever he said. Enough for me to drop to my knees.
Nicole: I was furious. I went to a payphone to call AJ’s mobile but I didn’t have enough change. So there I was, in the middle of a city I didn’t know, on my own. I didn’t know what to do.
Alex: Afterwards, AJ said, ‘Where’s Nicole now?’ I couldn’t believe it. I said she was outside last time I saw her, that the security guards wouldn’t let her in, and he looked furious and stormed out. When he came back, she was with him, looking all smug, so I walked out, went off in search of Pea.
Nicole: After AJ rescued me, I asked him how he was feeling about the show. It was obvious he was nervous but I knew he wouldn’t admit it. He said he had twenty minutes before hair and makeup was starting, and I said, ‘Well, what can we do in twenty minutes?’ He was sitting on this chair in front of a huge mirror and I sat on his lap, facing him, and kissed him. I could feel him, hard against me. It was our last time.
Danny: Teenage lust, hey?
Zak: The show was fine. Everyone talks about it now, because it ended up being his last show, but obviously we didn’t know that then. If you’d told me AJ would never play another show,that less than twenty-four hours later, he’d be dead, I would have laughed in your face. He was so alive, my brother. I never met someone who seemed so alive.
Pea: There was so much waiting around that day, but it was all worth it. The show was incredible. Like I’ve said, I wasn’t a big fan of pop music and I’d never have gone to a concert like that in other circumstances, but this was a proper show, in every sense of the word. The costume changes, the choreography, the special effects. It was electric. And I just stared at AJ the whole time he was up there, unable to believe that this star was the same person I’d been spending time with for a couple of weeks. There was no trace whatsoever of the sullen, spoiled teenager I knew. It was like he came to life on stage.
Alex: I was pissed off with AJ so I wanted to hate the show, but really, it was impossible. I got so caught up in the atmosphere, and by the second song I was dancing and singing along like everyone else around us.
Nicole: It was a real rush seeing AJ up there and all these thousands of girls screaming his name and knowing that I was the one he was sleeping with. That I’d been naked with him just a couple of hours ago. I don’t think I’ve ever topped that feeling, to be honest. And then of course it ended up being so famous, because it was the end. And it really seemed like he was just getting started.
Pea: He was on such a high afterwards. We all went backstage and he was bouncing off the walls. I wondered if he’d taken anything. Maybe he had, I don’t know. I can’t imagine what it’s like, any of what he experienced, so I tried not to judge it. But it took a while for him to be calm enough for us to get back in the buses. And even though we left the venue more thanan hour after the concert finished, there were still hundreds of girls waiting outside to catch a glimpse of him. I wondered whether he ever met them, whether anything ever happened between them. He was often in the papers with various girls, but they were always famous – models, pop stars, actresses. Never ordinary teenage girls. Anyway, he was with Nicole, at least kind of, that night, wasn’t he?
Zak: The journey back from a show was always awful. AJ would come off stage on a huge high and then he’d crash at some point after and become very withdrawn. The others didn’t know that, of course. They were talking about how good it had been, trying to engage him, and he said almost nothing. Nicole looked all put out about it, and Alex was quiet too. I sat with Pea and we talked about other stuff. It felt like it took twice as long to get back as it had taken to get there. When the bus finally pulled up, I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting Pea to stay with me. I knew she couldn’t. It had been a big win getting her parents to agree to her coming at all, and I knew we shouldn’t push it. But I kissed her and held her really tight, and I was scared to let go and I didn’t know why. I don’t know, maybe I’m imposing some of that with hindsight, but I’m sure I remember a feeling of something ending, and I assumed it must be to do with me and Pea.
Alex: I fell asleep on the way back, or at least pretended to. I couldn’t watch Nicole fawn all over AJ. Pea and Zak sat with their heads together, talking in low voices. They did that a lot, and I don’t think they realised how excluded it made other people feel. They were just all wrapped up in each other. So I sat with my eyes closed and focused on not saying anything. I knew I could blow up whatever was going on with AJ and Nicole if I wanted to, by telling her what he’d been doing with me, but I also knew AJ would hate me if I did. You have to remember that thiswas my first experience of anything romantic. And it came after years of homophobic abuse at school. To be chosen like that, by someone like him, and for it to be a secret. Well, that really fucked with my mind for a long time.
Pea: Zak was strangely emotional when we parted that night. I wanted to stay with him. I always wanted to stay with him, but I knew my parents would be waiting up. They were in the kitchen with mugs of tea. They asked how it had been, and I said it was amazing, that AJ was a real superstar, that they would have loved it. Because I genuinely think they would have done. You didn’t have to be an AJ Silver fan to appreciate the spectacle of it. Dad just grunted, and Mum got up and poured the rest of her tea into the sink. She told me I’d better get to bed, that it was gone midnight and I had school tomorrow. As if I didn’t know those things. She looked so weary, like she’d been beaten down by something. I was worried about her and didn’t know how to express it. I said, ‘Mum, things will be back to normal soon, won’t they?’ Dad grunted again, but when I looked at him he just widened his eyes as if he didn’t know what I was asking him. I remember Mum saying, ‘I hope so, love.’
Cathy: Pea was off in her own little world. She was in love. I genuinely think she had no idea of the toll this visit was taking on her dad. He was jumpy, on edge. Forever meeting with Maggie to discuss something AJ wasn’t happy about. I couldn’t wait for it to be over, and I knew he felt the same. But I knew, too, that them leaving would break Pea’s heart, and I was braced for that. I had no idea that something far worse was on the horizon.
Zak: After everyone was gone, it was just me and AJ. We went for a walk in the park and smoked a joint. I knew AJ wouldn’t be able to sleep for hours. It was the intensity of the show, theextreme high followed by that awful crash. It made me wonder why he did it. I asked him, and he laughed. ‘Money and fame, Zak-man,’ he said. And then he said it again, but his voice was so sad I looked away. I often wonder what I would have seen in his eyes if I’d been brave enough to meet his gaze right then. After a bit of silence, he asked me about Pea, about whether it was as serious as it seemed. I said it was, that I was crazy about her, but I couldn’t see a way to make it work. We were so young, and we lived so far apart. He nodded. I didn’t ask about Nicole. It was clear she didn’t mean anything to him. I don’t think any of the girls did. They were just playthings, and I wonder whether that would have changed, if he’d lived. Whether he would have learned to care properly about people he was sleeping with. Because he was the brother with all the wealth and celebrity, but right then I felt like the lucky one. What I had with Pea was real, and he was locked out of that experience. I thought, then, that he’d perhaps never be able to trust anyone fully, enough to really fall in love with them, and that seemed like a terrible shame.
Danny: A sombre note to end on, which seems entirely fitting given that next week we’ll be going over the day of AJ Silver’s death. Now you know all the people who were around him, is there anyone you think is suspicious? Anyone you think might have hated him enough to have a hand in that terrible rollercoaster accident? Be sure to let us know on your socials at @WhatHappenedThatSummer. And I’ll see you next week with some answers.
MickeynotMouse
This friendship that’s blossoming between AJ and Sebastian is strange, isn’t it? #WhatHappenedThatSummer
Heather421
