Nicole: The whole time we were with them, part of me was experiencing it and part of me was working out how I’d frame it the next day at school. This was big. Bigger than the time Simon Watkins’s dad was onBlockbusters. Bigger than Eve Anthony having a cousin who was in some indie band who’d toured with Oasis. In a different league from those things.
Pea: I didn’t know where we were going. I just kept walking, down the High Street, past the shops. Nicole didn’t say a word to me after that initial question. I don’t think anyone else noticed AJ, but it didn’t matter because now Nicole knew, it would be everywhere by tomorrow. I reached for Zak’s hand but he pulled away, and I thought maybe he fancied one of those girls, like everyone at school did.
Zak: It felt like it was all going wrong, sort of slipping away. We’d been in this little bubble, away from the mania that came with being in AJ Silver’s family, but now I could feel it creeping in. I wanted to go back to Wildworld, but I knew I had to stay with AJ, keep an eye on him. I didn’t know, yet, what he was going to do.
Pea: We ended up going down to the river. There was this bit on the bank where you could sit and we all took our shoes off and paddled a bit. We were messing about, pushing each other. I don’t know whether Zak and AJ noticed that Alex and I didn’t talk to the girls and they didn’t talk to us. At one point, AJ pulled a bag of weed and some papers out of his pocket and started rolling a joint. Zak said, ‘Fuck, AJ, did you bring that through airport security?’ AJ didn’t answer, just pushed his hair out of his eyes and laughed, reached for his lighter.
Alex: I’d smoked weed a couple of times with my brother. Never with Pea. She was kind of innocent. Didn’t drink, or smoke, or really anything like that. But that day, I wasn’t sure what she’d do when the joint was offered to her. Nicole and her friends took their turns, but I passed. I wanted Pea to know that if she didn’t want to do it, she didn’t have to look like the only one.
Pea: When the joint was passed to me, I guess I just thought,Why not?Alex hadn’t taken it and I saw his eyes on me as I inhaled, felt his silent judgement. For the first time, I thought that our friendship might not survive this. It was just a fleeting thought, but I remember acknowledging it, thinking,Huh, I wonder where that came from.
Zak: AJ and I smoked a bit back then, yeah. But I would never have attempted to take anything on a freakin’ plane. That was AJ all over, though. It’s common for teenagers to feel invincible, but with AJ it was massively exaggerated by the fame and the money. Nobody ever told him no, or put any limits in place for him.
Alex: It was a sunny day, and there was no one around but us. We all lay back in the grass and I felt like I might doze off, but Nicole and Fay kept asking AJ these inane questions and being all giggly. They pretended they were really stoned, but it was so over the top, they were sort of falling all over the place and shrieking with laughter. Pea was next to me and she didn’t say anything, but I could tell she was hating it. But it didn’t feel like it was our place to ask them to go. AJ had kind of picked them up and he didn’t seem to mind how they were acting.
Zak: I could tell AJ had chosen Nicole long before they disappeared into the long grass. He was laughing at her stupid jokes, reaching out to touch her arm. Doing all the things thatbeing AJ Silver meant he didn’t really have to do. If he wanted, he could just point and say ‘you’ and teenage girls would follow him, hardly able to believe their luck. But he was like a cat toying with a mouse. He liked the chase. So I was not in the least bit surprised when things went a bit quiet and I opened my eyes and saw that they were kissing.
Fay: It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming. Nicole and AJ Silver! I could hardly wait for school.
Nicole: I guess I was a bit stoned and we were both flirting and one thing led to another. You know what horny teenagers are like.
Pea: I didn’t know what was going on with me and Zak, so I was mostly thinking about that. I wanted him to put his arm around me, or kiss me, but since Nicole and her friends had joined us, it was like he didn’t want to know me. And then AJ got off with Nicole. It shouldn’t really have come as much of a surprise but it did, somehow. Yes, she was the most fancied girl in our year at school. But he was famous. Like, properly famous. I suppose, thinking about it now, he was just a teenage boy who was looking for a bit of fun. But then, I couldn’t compute them being together like that. I also couldn’t look away. I had sunglasses on so they wouldn’t have known I was watching. He’d sort of pulled her onto his lap and they were really going for it, as if they were on their own, and then I heard AJ say, ‘Shall we take this somewhere more private?’ in this breathy voice. They stood up and disappeared off into the long grass and I looked at Alex, expecting him to be finding it hilarious. He looked like he was in pain. That’s when I realised he definitely had a crush on AJ.
Alex: I mean, what can I say? I felt like an idiot. And I was angry, too.
Zak: I wanted to take him to one side and say, ‘Dude, you can’t just go around sleeping with girls like this, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind you.’ But the truth was, he could. No one was going to stop him, and the girls were not in short supply. So what chance did I have of changing his mind? At the end of the day, he was a hot-blooded seventeen-year-old guy.
Nicole: No, we didn’t sleep together. Not that day.
Fay: I don’t think they had sex, but who knows? Nicole was on a high afterwards, kept talking about how she couldn’t believe someone who could have anyone had chosen her, and I was thinking,Yeah, he could have any girl he likes, but he’s here, in this sleepy town of ours, so it might be more a case of who’s around than anything else.
Nicole: Fay was jealous, absolutely. A few months before that we’d both liked this boy at school and he’d chosen me over her. She acted like she was over it but I don’t think she was.
Pea: When they came back, Nicole’s shirt was buttoned up wrong and AJ’s hair was wild, the hat gone. I looked away, didn’t want them to catch me looking. When I turned to Zak, his expression was unreadable.
Alex: I’d had enough. I got up and said I was going home. I hoped Pea would come with me, but she didn’t. I guess she didn’t want to leave Zak alone with those girls. So I brushed myself off and started to walk away, and Pea called after me that she’d see me at school the next day. When I was out of earshot, I turned back to see whether AJ was watching me leave. But of course he wasn’t.
Zak: AJ made another joint and passed it around. I was kind of bored. I wanted to be alone with Pea, to ask her what was goingon between us, but something told me not to leave AJ with those girls, and the fact that that was my instinct made me feel really uneasy. So I was glad when AJ finally stood up and said we should get back.
Nicole: I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t think what had happened that afternoon meant anything to him. I didn’t think I was going to be his girlfriend or anything like that. But when we got back to the bench where they’d found us and AJ said, ‘See you, then,’ without even looking at me, I did feel kind of… used, I suppose. I mean, I was sixteen and I hadn’t had much shitty treatment up to that point. With boys at school, it was always me doing the dumping when I’d had enough.
Zak: AJ made it clear he didn’t give a shit about her, and it was awkward as hell.
Fay: We watched them walk away, Pea Hunter in the middle of these two tall almost-men. Kelly said, ‘Isn’t he supposed to be going out with that actress who was inParty of Fivefor a bit?’ And Nicole just glared at her, and we were silent after that. When I was at home later, and Mum was nagging me about my homework, it felt like something I’d dreamed up. On the wall opposite my bed, there was a poster of him, topless and moody, his hair covering half of his face, his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans. I stared at him for twenty minutes or so, trying to tally the boy I’d met with this untouchable star. In real life, he’d been a bit more ordinary, his skin not quite so flawless and his hair a bit too long. But still, there’d been this sheen about him. Was it only because I knew about his fame, or was it just something he had?
Nicole: I went home and ate dinner and did some Maths revision. Quadratic equations, I think. No, I didn’t tell anyone.
Pea: I breathed a bit easier as soon as we’d left those girls behind, but Zak was clearly agitated. He smoked two cigarettes back to back and didn’t hold my hand. AJ walked ahead of us, whistling. When we got back to my house, I asked Zak if we were still going out later.
Zak: I shrugged and said we could if she still wanted to.
Pea: I definitely wanted to. I had to know what was happening, why he was being cold.
Zak: AJ said he was heading back to the bus to listen to some music and get his head in the right space for the morning. My gut told me to call off the date and stay with him, make sure he didn’t get up to anything he shouldn’t, but Pea looked sad and I wanted to try to get to the bottom of what was happening. I told her I’d pick her up at the house at seven.
Pea: He didn’t kiss me and I felt sure that this date would be the end of things. I shut myself in my bedroom and cried until my eyes were sore. And then I had a shower, letting the water fall on my face until it was a little less puffy. When I was getting ready, the phone rang. I didn’t go to answer it, but a few seconds later Mum called up the stairs that it was for me. I picked up the upstairs handset and waited for Mum to hang up the downstairs one. It was Alex.
Alex: Pea and I often spent hours on the phone, even if we’d been together mere hours before, but that day, she didn’t have anything much to say. I asked her what I’d missed, and I wanted her to ask me why I’d left early, but she didn’t. She just said they’d headed back soon after I went and now she was getting ready for her date with Zak. I asked what she thought had gone on between AJ and Nicole, even though bringing it up felt abit like stabbing myself in the heart, and I remember that she laughed and said, ‘I think that’s pretty obvious.’ I had to remind myself that she didn’t know what had happened with me and AJ that morning. She didn’t know how I felt. There was an awkward silence and then I said that my mum needed to use the phone and hung up. And I’d never felt so lonely.
