“Dating, yeah. Officially bisexual. I came out to my parents and everything. They didn’t care. My mom, who never liked my wife, was happy. But getting her to think about anything other than herself for more than ten minutes is a struggle. My dad was like, ‘You better adopt, I want grandkids.’ Which could’ve gone worse.”
Alec laughed as I stared at him, open-mouthed.
“What?” he said, still laughing.
“I came out too.”
“Really?” He laughed harder, but smiled wider. “You’re not shitting me?”
“Nope.”
“To your family? Friends? Or did you just put your face on Flare?”
“Everyone. I’m all the way out. FinCrest invited me to the pride club, which was cringy at first, but it’s pretty cool. Lisa still flirts with me since I’m bi, while also using me as her personal gaydar and fashion coach. Neither of which I’m good at. It’s kinda offensive, but it’s whatever with her.”
“You know, she’s the only person I’m scared of telling. That’s why I needed to get the fuck outta Dodge when she asked to go to lunch.” We laughed until he asked, “How did your family take it? I always got the impression they were more traditional.”
“It took some time, but they landed in the ‘if you’re happy, we’re happy’ camp.”
“Well, thank goodness.”
“Yeah. At least my dad and brother stopped trying to figure out if I top or bottom.”
“Fucking yikes.”
“Right?” I said as we both laughed.
“Although we’re only out in theory, since neither of us dated a man. And we were, well—no one knew about us...”
He let the statement linger until it became a question. I said, “I haven’t told anyone about us, have you?”
“Nope.”
“It wasn’t my business to tell. I came out, but I wasn’t about to put you on blast like that if you didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Thanks. I felt the same way.” He smirked with half his face and sipped his drink. “Well, also, I’m embarrassed. How could I look anyone in the eye if they knew I was such a pussy that I ran away and deleted my socials because my Jr. Rep. broke my heart?” He looked away. “I’m sure you felt something similar.”
“Something like that.”
The server came by asking if we needed a refresh. I declined. Alec accepted.
“Can I just ask why, though?” I said when she left. “Why did you leave? And then never speak to me again. I knowwhy.You said so in your letter. But I want to hear it from you. I want this Alec to explain it to me.”
He shifted in his seat. “The long and short of it is, I was happy, Mason. That happiness was a cushion. But also a noose. When it fell apart, I needed to become someone else, and I have.”
“Can you give me the long and long of it?”
Alec looked apprehensive and embarrassed. He wanted to give me what he felt he owed without engaging that deeply. There was a limit to how much rehashing he'd do, and from his face and body language, we’d reached it.
But he withered under my gaze for once.
He sighed and gave me a weary smile. “It felt like you were what was missing in a way Viv never was. And I saw things with you I never did with her. Or anyone. But so much of that was just me trying to grasp onto my old life. My old self. I wanted to transition from my marriage to you with only a change of address and an extra penis in bed.” He chuckled. “That was wrong. I knew it was, but I was too happy to do anything about it. When I got served, I tried to hold on to our relationship tighter, but I shouldn’t have been in one at all. I needed to drift for a while, not be locked down. And, honestly, it’s done wonders for me.”
I let that settle in. I knew it, but hearing it didn’t make it any better. I didn’t realize he was what was missing from my life until he was gone. Alec always was a step ahead.
“I’m glad.” I was quiet against the busy bar. “Not glad it ended the way it did, but happy you’re doing so well.”
The waitress returned with his bourbon, and I ordered the Special Old Fashioned. He sipped his drink as we let the quiet moment pass over us.
