“Well, you’re here now.” Clayton rolled to the other side of his room and grabbed a jacket. “Let’s go to the Barber Shop.”
*****
Rose’s eyes brimmed with tears as she took note of the two empty seats at their table, but she forced a smile. “What can I get you boys today?” she asked pleasantly.
“Nothing for me, thanks, Rose,” Kevin replied.
“I’ll have a hot chocolate.” Clayton waited for her to leave before resting both arms on the table. “So I’m getting prosthetics soon, gonna learn how to walk again. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and I think it’s time I take control of my life.” He glanced up at Kevin then. “And…I think we should go back to class next semester.”
Kevin shrugged. He’d been hell-bent on destroying everything good in his life for so long that the thought of doing something positive was unnerving. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.” He sat forward as well, pondering the question for a long time before he asked it. “How did you do it, Clay? How did you get over it?”
“I didn’t get over it. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. They were such a big part of my daily life that living without them…Kev, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you.” He paused for a minute as those words hung in the air. “I needed to find a way to move on and I realized that wallowing in depression can’t change the past and if I didn’t make an active effort to move past it, it would ruin my future as well. Being depressed is a waste of time, especially when there are so many things to be grateful for. I mean, fuck, my dick still works. What more do I need? And I can still last all night.”
Kevin laughed, shaking his head. “And who’s theluckygirl for the week?”
“Not a week.” He gave a smile that was somewhere between nervous and…shy. “I’ve been seeing her for two months now.”
Kevin was intrigued by that because Clayton’s track record with women was worse than his. “Really?”
“Yeah. She came to see me when I was in the hospital. I was depressed and angry, but she helped me through that, never allowed me to give up. She lifted my spirits, gave me that little bit of…hope.” He flashed another smile and Kevin pieced it together immediately.
“You and Hope?” he asked in disbelief.
“Yeah. I like her. Ireallylike her, Kev.” Clayton paused and eyed him warily. “Does it make you feel weird?”
“No…Does it make you feel weird?”
“No. I’m no saint, so I don’t care about her past. She was there for me when I needed someone the most. That’s all I care about.”
That one sentence made the guilt come flooding back. Not just because he’d deserted Clayton when he needed a friend, but because that was what Jasmin had been to him. She’d been there when he needed someone, trying to help him through his grief and he just wouldn’t let her.
“Are you okay?” Clayton asked, obviously noticing the dip in his mood.
“No.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Yeah.” For once he didn’t feel the need to close up. He wanted to get all of it out of his system. “So I decided to go to Florida…and I met this girl…”
He told Clayton about his trip across the country, telling him every detail about Jasmin. The way they met. The tension, the fights, the playful comments. He left nothing out, told him everything about this amazing girl, how she made him laugh despite the melancholy living within him. Her weird jokes, her penis envy, her strength that shone through her vulnerability. But then he got to the point in the story where everything fell apart. He told him about the argument they’d had on their last day together and all the disgusting things he’d said.
Clayton’s eyes were wide and he shook his head with disappointment. “Why would you do that?” he asked, sounding completely exasperated. “You’re such a jerk!”
“I know…and I wish I could take it all back. I…I miss her so much, Clayton…but the things I said to her…I knew what her mother did and I still made her feel like she meant nothing to me. I fucked up so bad…She’ll never forgive me.”
“So dumb, Kev! What? Were you just scared of falling in love with her?”
“That’s a stupid question,” Kevin replied with a shaky sigh. “It’s like asking me if I’m scared the sun will rise tomorrow. You can’t fear the inevitable. I’m not scared of falling for her. In fact, I’m already so deep in it, I can’t get out. I went to see Claire yesterday…I don’t know why I did it. I just wanted to stop thinking about her. I get there, sneak in through her window like I always do…Claire’s already ready and waiting for me, but it’s like I don’t even see her because I can’t get Jasmin out of myhead. She tried to kiss me and I felt like I was cheating…I turned and went straight back out the window. How fucked up is that?” He stared down at the table. “So now Claire’s pissed and I guess I should be used to it by now. I keep messing up everything. I’ve somehow managed to hurt every woman in my life. As I fix one thing, I break something else.”
Clayton nodded, but wasn’t done probing. “You still haven’t told me why you did it.”
Instead of answering, Kevin took out his phone and showed him the article he had bookmarked. “This is Jasmin.”
Clayton took it from his hand, then looked from him to the phone to him again. “She doesn’t look like your type.”
“She isn’t. Read the article.”
“Wow!” he said as his eyes flicked across the screen. “She’s even won a tae-kwon-do tournament. Is there anything this girl can’t do?”
