“She can’t park…but that’s about it.”
“I think I understand now. You think you’re not good enough for her.”
That was only part of the reason, but Kevin nodded anyway. “I’m not.”
He handed back the phone and shrugged. “Kev, the solution to your problem is easy. Just be a better man. You know what she needs, so give it to her. You want her to forgive you, apologize. You want her to have a man she can rely on, be that man. You want her to be happy, stop hurting her. It’s that simple.”
He took a few moments and allowed that advice to sink in. Clayton was right, but it wasn’t that simple. It was too late now. She was happy without him and for once in his life he didn’t want to be selfish. She was moving on and he wasn’t going to hold her back. Staying out of her life was the best thing he could do for her.
December, 23
Yellowstone County, Montana
Kevin Shepard was a liar. Jasmin had been analyzing everything that happened over the course of the trip and today she’d finally been struck with an explanation that made sense. He was a liar. She’d been so focused on all the nasty things he’d said to her that she forgot about everything else.
“You know, two snowflakes are never the same. But even though they may be different, it’s possible for them to fall on the same spot. Maybe it’s just the Law of Gravity. Or maybe…it’s something more, Jasmin.”
Liar! Nothing he said to her that day was true. A convenient fuck when no one else was around. Not true. Candy was around and she openly showed him what she wanted and he didn’t do anything. Jasmin thought back to the first time they’d had sex. He was a mess that day and she gave him a choice to either keep shutting her out or let her in. It wasn’t easy for him, but he chose the latter and she’d watched him let down all his defenses, seen him completely break down. All of that happened before he’d even kissed her. If sex was all he’d wanted, there were definitely moreconvenientalternatives.
And before they’d reached Florida, he’d told her a few times that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Hell, she’d seen it herself. He was distraught, not thinking straight and she pushed until he snapped. It wouldn’t have ended so ugly if she had just backed off.
He didn’t want anything beyond the road trip and she accepted that. He’d told her he wasn’t ready for a relationship and she accepted that too. He was too afraid of getting hurt toever open himself up completely and she was ready to cut ties like he’d asked her to. But she still needed closure. She’d told her father what she wanted to do and even though he hadn’t been keen on the idea, he understood that it needed to be done.
She let go of the anger. He’d taught her how to feel—everything, good and bad. She thought about all the smaller details of their time together. Their talks at the laundromat and his odd little encouragements, sharing their food and watching movies together. So many sweet and intimate moments had been shared between them and she couldn’t stay angry at him. She let go of the pain. Knowing that he didn’t mean all of the things he’d said made it easier to focus on how amazing it was to fall in love. Now all she needed to do was find a way to let go of him.
December, 25
Great Falls, Montana
The sound of his door creaking open drew Kevin out his state of semi-consciousness. He instantly made out the tall shadow creeping quietly towards his bed. It was Jordan. He hadn’t spoken to her since he called her from Florida and she was probably coming to check in on him. Every day he was reminded of how grateful he needed to be for his family.
When she reached his bed, she leaned over and planted a kiss on his forehead. He pushed his arm out from under the covers and wrapped it around her neck. Today wasn’t going to be easy, but knowing that his whole family would be together brought a sense of comfort.
“Merry Christmas, Jo-jo.”
“Merry Christmas, Bink.”
He sat up and rubbed a hand over his scruffy jaw. “Thanks for everything.” Once again, a simple thank-you didn’t seem like enough to express his gratitude. “I really appreciate what you did for me. You don’t know how much it means to me.”
He expected her to ask him about what had happened, but instead she smiled and gave him another hug. “That’s what big sisters are for.”
He nodded and dropped back into bed. He wasn’t trying to be rude, he just couldn’t keep his eyes open. Being exhausted and sleep deprived was a way of life now.
She left the room as quietly as she’d entered and he pulled the covers over his head in a vain attempt to fall asleep again. It didn’t work. After an hour, he gave up and decided to fill his daily quota of stalking.
He turned on his computer and went to her profile without thinking. It was second nature now. There were more pictures of her and Dalton.Dalton?What kind of a name was that anyway? And this guy just couldn’t keep his hands off her. It was like his arm was surgically attached to her shoulder. They were spending a lot of time together. It was obvious that they were more thanjust friendsand Kevin didn’t want to think about how much more.
He felt torn. One part of him was happy that she got over the hurt he caused and moved on, but the other part of him couldn’t understand how she’d done it so quickly. It was like he meant nothing to her. He wanted to believe that Dalton was just a rebound, but he knew that Jazz was too honest to use someone in that way. It was purely out of jealousy, but he found that he was comparing himself to Dalton. Could she talk to him for hours? Did she dance for him? Did Dalton understand her the way he did? Make her smile like he did? Did he know where to touch her, how to make her moan, make her come? Kevin couldn’t stomach staring at their pictures after that thought and shut down his computer. One thing was for certain; Dalton wouldn’t break her heart like he did.
He walked out of his bedroom and the high-pitched screams of his nieces and nephews pierced his eardrums. Max stepped out of Dom’s old room at the same time and also looked like the sound was hurting his brain.
“It’s a fucking zoo,” Kevin said, running his hand through his ruffled hair.
Max smiled. “How did you sleep through all this?”
Kevin decided not to admit that he generally didn’t sleep. “Happens every Saturday,” he lied. “So used to it now.” He walked over to Max and gave him a quick hug. “Merry Christmas, bro.”
“Same to you,” Max replied, then walked down the hallway to the living room.
