“Let’s face it. Neither of us has. But I couldn’t walk away from you. The more you kept pushing me away, the harder I held on.” A wicked grin rose to his lips, and his eyes sparkled. “There goes that word again.Harder.Seems impossible to keep it out of our conversations.”
“You’re impossible.” Wolf couldn’t help but return Spencer’s grin. This ridiculously frustrating man had the uncanny ability to be the only one to make him feel alive.
“No, I’m not, and neither are you. Not when we’re together. Being with you makes me believe anything’s possible.” Spencer turned to kiss his hand. “Now, are you going to stand there all night, or are you going to shut up and kiss me?”
Lightness filled his heart as he met Spencer’s lips, and they shed shirts and ties on their rush to the bedroom. Their clothes lay in a heap on the floor, and he crawled over to Spencer, who was watching him with eager, hungry eyes.
“Is this it?” Wolf touched his cheek. “Are we in this…together?”
“What’re you asking me?”
Beneath him, Spencer stilled, but Wolf could see all the questions running through his mind. They might be naked, but he was ready to expose himself fully in a way he’d never dreamed possible.
“I’ve never wanted anyone else.” God, it was so damn hard. For someone who made his living with words, Wolf found it difficult to express himself. “Even in college…the reason I was so closed off wasn’t that I was angry with you. It was me. I couldn’t understand why no one ever made me feel a certain way but you.”
Intent now, Spencer raised himself up to sitting. “What do you mean?”
He gnawed on his lower lip before continuing. “This isn’t easy for me to say. I always thought there was something wrong with me. You talked all the time about how much you loved sex, and Elliot was looking for his fairy tale, and Chess found André.”
“You just never met the right person.”
His stomach knotted with a combination of fear and humiliation. He hadn’t been this nervous since his first trial. He licked his dry-as-dust lips. “What if that right person was always you? Only you?”
Spencer’s brow furrowed. “You’re making less sense than usual. We were never together for you to know.”
“That’s the point. I never cared about sex when I was a teenager. At first, I figured it was my screwed-up life. High school was pretty much a blur of misery. Then I met you in college and—”
“And you were overwhelmed by my charm and sex appeal,” Spencer joked, but when Wolf didn’t laugh back, the smile faded from his lips. “You’re not kidding. Wolfie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at you.”
“Maybe this is a mistake,” he muttered, but Spencer grabbed his wrist and held on tight.
“No. Us naked and afraid but spilling all these secrets we should’ve shared years ago could never be a mistake. Talk to me. I promise to shut up.”
“As if.”
“Wolf. Tell me.” Spencer squeezed him again. “Please.”
“For four years I watched you, confused as hell as to why I’d get tied up in knots whenever we got close. I hated seeing you come home from spending the night with someone else, knowing you’d had sex…wishing it was me.” The last words came through in a whisper.
“What?” Spencer’s brows shot sky-high. “Why didn’t you ever say anything? If I’d known…”
Wanting to die a little inside, Wolf shook his head, his hair hiding his eyes. “I had no idea what the hell was happening to me. So many times I heard you say you weren’t interested in being with only one person. ‘The more the merrier,’ you always replied when Elliot asked you why you didn’t want a steady boyfriend. I knew I couldn’t be with you and afterward see you with someone else, so I kept away.”
“What a goddamn idiot,” Spencer murmured.
Wolf yanked his hand away, but Spencer caught him and pushed him flat. The sun had already set, sending the room into darkness, except for Spencer’s glittering eyes. “Not you, although now you’re acting like one. I meant me. None of those men ever meant a thing. I loved Elliot and Chess so much as friends, like my brothers, but you…” His gaze softened. “If I’d had any idea how you felt about me, I’d have tossed them all aside to make you mine.”
Wolf’s heart pounded. “I think…I’ve always been yours and didn’t know or understand it. I was so stupidly innocent about what I felt, that was the problem.” He squeezed his eyes shut at those embarrassingly personal words coming from his mouth, but Spencer wasn’t laughing.
“What do you mean? Innocent how?”
He cast his gaze downward, but Spencer sat back on his heels and stared at him, remaining silent. And damned if he wouldn’t rather have the man make stupid jokes that he could have a comeback for. At least he could match wits with him. This was pure torture. He knew allowing himself to get close to someone else would be his downfall.
“Wolf. Sweetheart. Come on. It’s me. I think we’ve passed the point where we have to be self-conscious with each other, don’t you?”
“I’m self-conscious with myself. I’ve never been comfortable in my skin.” He paused and finally met Spencer’s eyes. “Until we were together that night in Milan and I learned what I was missing.” Grateful for the dim lighting hiding the hot shame flooding through him, Wolf bit his lip. “Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”
“I’m not sure,” Spencer said slowly. “Do you mean because it was sex with me…?” He drifted off when Wolf shook his head. He trembled, and sweat broke out over his body as Spencer’s jaw dropped. “You mean…wait. No…missing? You never…you were avirgin?”
