“Man, I’m trying to help, but you’ve locked yourself away, and I’m telling you, that’s not the way to go.”
“So what is?” Win flopped on his sofa and heaved out a sigh. “Having sex with meaningless guys? I’d rather be single for the rest of my life.”
“That’s damn sad. And not fair to you. Or me, because I have to put up with your grumpy ass.”
“You called me that even before Kevin died.”
“True, but for a different reason. It used to be only about the work and how pissed you were at those bastards getting away with breaking the law on a technicality.”
“Still pisses me off.”
Ignoring him, Forrest continued. “But now everything sets you off. They forget the tomato on your sandwich, and you flip out. Your coffee isn’t light enough, you rant for ten minutes and blame the barista like it’s a crime. That’s not you. It’s the pain talking.”
“Do you think I want to be this way?” The phone slipped in his sweating hand. “I’ve tried.”
“Never making it past a first date isn’t trying. Go on another.”
“I don’t want—”
“I know what you don’t want. Tell me what youdowant.”
“I want him here with me, God fucking damn it,” he swore, the words tasting bitter. “I know he’s gone, but he’s always here. Every time I look in the mirror, I see him behind me. I sit at the kitchen table and he’s there, across from me, reading the paper, doing the crossword puzzle, drinking his third cup of coffee. He’s next to me in the car, and I smell him in our bed. I want him here with me, and I’m never going to get that again.”
“No, you’re not. So, like I said, tell me—what do you want?”
The bottom of his stomach dropped out.
To feel alive again.
A message flashed up on the screen that Forrest wanted to FaceTime with him, and he hit the button and winced, seeing not only his partner, but Forrest’s wife gazing at him.
“Traitor. See if I ever pick you up a double-bacon cheese sandwich again.”
Claudia smiled. “You think I don’t already know? And don’t blame Forrest. He was so busy checking his phone all night, he couldn’t figure out a good enough story to tell me.”
“So you know I tried, right? You can’t fault me anymore.”
“Honey, I never did. I understand. After Lila passed, I couldn’t think about having another child for years. But now I can’t picture our lives without our monster munchkins.”
He hadn’t forgotten that Forrest and Claudia knew about loss. Eight years earlier, their baby girl had died from SIDS at six months old. Win and Kevin were there with them through every heartbreaking second. They’d had two children since, but Win knew they carried with them every day the devastating pain of losing Lila.
“They’re great kids.”
“Says the uncle who gets to walk away after playing with them.” Her eyes sparkled. “But listen. I met this man at my job, and I know you two will hit it off. He’s funny, kind, and good-looking.Reallygood-looking.”
Claudia was an executive for a major airline, and she’d attempted to fix him up with every ticket agent, flight attendant, and pilot she met, but with little success. He wanted to give up trying but continued to accept the dates, mainly to keep Claudia and Forrest off his back. Eventually they’d learn to leave him alone, so he endured these wasted efforts, hoping that at some point they’d finally listen to him.
His stomach twisted. “You know I don’t care about that.”
“Well, it’s the first thing I noticed.”
Win snickered at the dark look Forrest shot his wife. “Claudia…I don’t know.”
“It’s just a date, Win.”
“I know. But—”
“And he’s a pilot, so he isn’t even here much. Give it a chance. What do you have to lose?”
