“I barely know you.”
Anger flared in Curt’s eyes. “So what? You’re hot, and I’m horny. What’s the problem?”
“What’s the problem? I only met you an hour ago. I’m not having sex with you.”
“Jeez, I knew you were a few years older, but you’re so uptight. It’s only sex. How else are we gonna get to know each other?”
Win walked away, flinging over his shoulder, “Try having a conversation.”
Lucky for him, he hadn’t parked far, and he hopped into his Jeep and took off, his hands shaking. He’d tried, and he was willing to overlook certain things, but no way was he having sex on the first date.
The street was dark and quiet, as was to be expected around ten p.m. in his residential neighborhood. A pang hit him as he spotted his house. He’d forgotten to leave the porch light on. That had always been a joke between him and Kevin in the house they’d shared. He never remembered. Kevin always did.
He gripped the steering wheel.
Kevin.
No more welcome-home kisses from Kevin, who’d always waited up, no matter how late he’d come home. No one there to make sure he sent his parents birthday and anniversary cards. No Saturday afternoons in the park, or movie nights, or lazy Sunday mornings spent together in bed, eating bagels and reading the paper.
All gone in the blink of an eye.
Goddamn it.He’d sworn he wasn’t going to keep doing this to himself, but five years later, here he still was, spinning in the dark, drowning in grief, throwing himself into any and all risky situations at work because…why not? What the hell did it matter anymore?
He drove down the block, approaching the neat brick house he still needed to get used to calling his own. He hadn’t paid much attention to any of the neighbors, hadn’t had time with his crazy-ass schedule. He’d only lived there around six months, and the change of scenery—from the big, rambling house he and Kevin had purchased, thinking they’d fill it with friends and laughter and maybe even a child or two, to the smaller rooms here that didn’t echo with memories or feel like a soulless void whenever he opened the door—hadn’t helped much. He could only fool himself for so long. Kevin waited for him around every corner, even in the mostly cheerless, bland space he hadn’t had the heart to put much effort into. He still woke up expecting to hear his husband singing in the kitchen, and his heart lurched whenever his phone would ding with a text.
Never Kevin. Never again.
How long would it take for him to wake up in the middle of the night and not reach for the only person who’d ever fit in his arms?
When did you stop missing what you could never have again?
Whatever. I tried.
Keys in hand, Win left the Jeep, entered his house, and flicked on the light in the foyer. He tossed his keys onto the table and headed for the kitchen to get a glass of water. His phone rang, and seeing Forrest’s number pop up, Win sighed and answered, “Yes, Dad, I’m home.” He rolled his eyes and drank his water.
“Damn, that wasn’t long. What happened?”
He hadn’t meant to tell his partner he had a date, but he’d stupidly left his phone face-up on the desk when he’d gone to use the bathroom, and Curtis’sWhere are we meeting tonight?message had popped up. That was all the opening Forrest needed. He’d made Win tell him the time and place and name of the person he was meeting, but only after Win made Forrest promise not to tell his wife, Claudia.
“He wanted to have sex.”
“He what? But you just met.” Forrest’s outrage made him feel better about his own shock and surprise over what happened.
“Yeah, and that’s what I told him, but I thought it was me being a prude. He made me feel old.”
“Well, you are, man. Over thirty-five, going on rocking-chair ready. But that still doesn’t mean doing the deed the first time you meet.”
“Wiseass. I should probably say thanks for agreeing with me, but I won’t.”
“I hope that doesn’t mean you’re shutting down. Think of it as a positive. You tried and it didn’t work out. But you know what they say.”
Having left his kitchen, Win turned on the lights in the living room and put the television on, with the sound low. He didn’t care what show was on. It didn’t matter. He just needed it for background noise.
“No, I don’t know, but you’re going to tell me, I’m sure.”
“’Cause you need it smacked into your head until you get it straight. If you fall off a bicycle, you get right back on. Over and over until you learn to ride.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t fall. I was thrown off. And I already know how to ride. I’m just…not interested in getting in the saddle again. At least not yet.”
