“That sounds ominous.” To cover up his nervous laugh and shaking hands, Adam took a sip of his beer.
“I think we need to take a break.”
Those words coming from Rico’s mouth might have been uttered by a different person. He sounded so distant and removed, nothing like the fierce and passionate man who made love to Adam’s body—and damn it, yes, he’d call it love if he wanted to—until Adam could barely breathe.
“Oh?” He wanted to say more, but his throat closed up on him, and one word was all Adam could choke out.
“Yeah. I mean, we’re getting along and all, but the business is picking up a lot for the summer, and I won’t have much time—”
“Hey, you don’t need to make excuses to me. I know business comes first.”
Rico finally raised his gaze from studying the worn carpeting to meet his eyes, and Adam saw the resignation in their deep brown depths.
“Yeah. That’s the way it goes, I guess. What did you want to talk about?”
Two choices sat before him: either he could agree with Rico and walk away, or he could speak his heart. He’d like to think he’d never been a coward before, and he didn’t plan on becoming one now.
“The same thing, kind of.”
“Yeah?” Relief warming his stony expression, Rico leaned back in his chair. “So we’re on the same page, then.”
“Not exactly.” Adam took another gulp of beer and studied Rico’s face, knowing it was the last time they’d be this close. “Since I came back from Texas, I’ve had lots of time to think about what I wanted and where I was going. And I knew it had to do with you dropping everything to come see me because I was hurting. It woke me up, made me hope.”
“I thought I was being a good friend.”
“You were. Only now I’m thinking I want more than that. I know I’ve broken our rule about being nothing more than casual. And I thought I could because it had never been a problem before. Yet from the first time I saw you, I knew there was something…different.”
Tight lines radiated from Rico’s frown. “I never made any promises.”
“Don’t you see?” Weariness soaked through his bones, and all Adam wanted to do was go home and curl into a ball. He’d gambled and lost, but better to know and not be a fool. “I did. I made a promise to myself to be honest. So I am. I never intended to fall in love with you, Rico, but I did, and I don’t even know you, so how stupid am I?” He set the bottle down on the table and stood, gazing down at Rico as if he were a stranger and not a man who’d held him when he cried and kissed him with such force and sweet gentleness that the press of his lips remained seared on Adam’s soul. How could two people be so intimate yet remain strangers in their heads and hearts?
“One day the right person will walk into your life, and you won’t want him to leave. I thought that person could be me, but I was wrong.”
Saddened, Adam turned away and left the apartment but knew a part of himself—his heart—remained behind with Rico.
Chapter Thirteen
Stunned by Adam’sadmission, Rico sat in the chair, watching the shadows move across the wall until the apartment lay shrouded in darkness. His phone rang several times, but he remained motionless, uncaring who it was and what they wanted. Everyone wanted something from him: his father—for him to always be the best, Gideon—for him to open up and be more like him, and now Adam—who wanted his heart. That hurt most of all. Because for a wild moment, a surge of joy had rushed through him when Adam had said he loved him, and Rico wanted to say it back.
But then it faded into the gray numbness from before Adam had burst into his life. He thought about going out to a club or a bar to hook up and forget, but Adam wasn’t the forgettable kind. Even now, his presence lingered in the stillness of the room. Restless, he knew he couldn’t stay home all night and hesitated only a second before picking up his phone.
“What’s wrong?”
He forced a laugh and spoke through frozen lips. “What? You’re my best friend. Why should there be something wrong if I call you?”
“Uh…” Gideon paused, and in his mind’s eye Rico could see him scratching his head in confusion.
Yeah, trust me, you don’t know the half of it. I have no clue what I’m thinking anymore.
“Probably because I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve called me at home. At night.”
“Oh, shit.” A thought popped into his head. “Did I interrupt you and Jonah?”
“From what? We’re watching Netflix and finishing up dinner. Then Jonah has some work to do on a proposal for a discussion he wants to lead next month at a conference.”
“Oh, good. I wouldn’t want to interrupt, uh, you know…”
“We do come up for air every once in a while, you know.”
