“This.” And Lucas brought his mouth down on Jordan’s in a gentle kiss as he cupped the back of Jordan’s neck. Steadying Jordan. Grounding him. The sweet taste of Lucas’s mouth, all warm and cinnamony, sparked life into Jordan’s blood, which had rested dormant in his veins since Lucas walked away from him. Heat spiraled through Jordan as he clutched Lucas’s leather jacket, forcing the press of their lips harder against each other. God, how he’d missed this man. Jordan’s mind spun in wild circles as Lucas ended the kiss but kept his hand on Jordan’s neck, massaging him with those marvelously talented fingers.
Jordan’s breath caught in his throat as Lucas’s beautiful hazel eyes fixed on him. An uncertain grin flickered over Lucas’s lips. “I love you, Jordan. I’ve never said those words before. It took the thought of losing you for me to realize what an idiot I’ve been. I know I hurt you and you still love Keith, but is there a chance for us?”
Jordan’s heart squeezed at the flash of vulnerability in Lucas’s eyes. “You’re right; you are an idiot.” He grabbed Lucas’s face. “The chance is gone. It set sail a while ago.”
Lucas’s shoulders slumped. “Oh.”
That toneless, defeated voice broke Jordan. He couldn’t tease Lucas any longer. “There’s nothing to take a chance on, because I love you too. I love you so much it makes my heart hurt. And while you’re right in thinking I still love Keith, and a part of me always will, it takes nothing away from the love I have for you.” He kissed Lucas’s soft mouth. “I’m so in love with you I can’t see straight anymore. I wake up in the morning wondering how I got so lucky to have a man like you in my life. When I realized I’d pushed you out of the door because of my cowardice and lies, I thought I’d go crazy.”
“You didn’t lose me forever; we lost the way back to each other for a while.” Lucas traced Jordan’s cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. “I wasn’t planning on giving up on you so easily if you said no. You’re worth fighting for.”
Jordan rubbed his cheek against Lucas’s hand, reveling in his touch. “I like a man who takes what he wants. It’s the way I’ve always lived my life. I don’t believe in holding back.”
Their gazes locked, and Jordan was about to suggest they go upstairs to bed when Sasha came bounding into the room, dragging her leash. She jumped on the two of them, breaking the intensity of the moment. It didn’t matter though. He knew tonight would be the start of the rebuilding of the tenuous bonds of their fragile relationship. No matter what, Jordan was done with the lies and hiding his flaws.
“I actually do need to walk her. Why don’t we both go, and we can pick up some things for dinner on the way back.” Jordan took the leash out of Sasha’s mouth and stroked her smooth, silky ears. What a comfort she’d been to him in the months since he’d found her. With Keith’s death and the dream of a child gone, for the moment at least, she’d become the outlet he needed to lavish his affection on. “I’ll cook for you, make you something special.”
“A celebration, huh?” Lucas got to his feet, a smile lightening his once all-too- serious expression.
Jordan’s wish was to keep him looking like this always. Light, happy, and unfettered by the darkness that plagued him from his childhood. “Of a sort. We have a lot to discuss. I’m going into treatment starting Monday, and I’m going to need your help.”
They walked out of the house together, Jordan holding on to Sasha’s leash as they began meandering down the block with no specific destination. Sasha was of a mind to sniff each leaf and branch, so it promised to be a long walk. After about half an hour, they found a coffee shop with an outside seating area, so they ordered lattes and sat outside. The waitress was kind enough to bring a bowl of cold water for the dog, and then she disappeared. There were no other patrons sitting near them, and Jordan decided this was as good a time as any to tell Lucas about what he planned to do.
After sipping his latte, Jordan took Lucas’s hand. He ran his fingers over Lucas’s knuckles, took a deep breath, and began. “Like I said, I’m going in for treatment starting Monday. It’s very quick and intense. I’m sure I’m going to go through some severe withdrawal, but I feel this is the best thing for me.”
Lucas remained silent, studying their clasped hands, and Jordan grew nervous. “It’s too much for you to handle, right? It’s fine.” Jordan pulled his hand away and picked up his coffee. He couldn’t blame Lucas. Why would Lucas want to get involved with someone with a problem like Jordan’s? His vision wavered as the frantic beating of his heart and racing pulse made it hard to catch his breath. “I’m seeing a psychiatrist anyway who has already said he’s willing to help me and stay with me while I detox.”
“Was that the guy I saw you holding hands with today?” Lucas growled. “That’s Tash, my secretary’s brother, right?”
Warmth kindled within Jordan as he recognized the sound of possession and need simmering in Lucas’s voice. “He’s very nice. Kind, considerate, and I know he’s dedicated to seeing me through this. It’s imperative I have someone with me at all times when I go through the treatment, and he’s volunteered.”
“The fuck you say, Prep School. If anyone is going to be staying with you, it’s me. I’m the one who knows you.” Lucas grabbed Jordan by the elbows and yanked him so their lips were mere inches from each other. “I’m the one who loves you. You’re fucking mine, and I take care of what’s mine.” He crushed his lips over Jordan’s, and they kissed—hot, wet, and raw, right there on Ninth Avenue.
The sounds of the passing traffic and pedestrian footsteps faded in the background as Jordan fell into the kiss, letting Lucas take control. Though he’d never shied away from public affection before, he’d also never needed to put on a display for anyone. But that was before Lucas had barreled into his life, taking control of his heart. “Lucas,” he gasped, trying hard to catch his breath. “Let’s go home. Now.”
Lucas sat across from him, eyes heavy-lidded with his rising passion, lips gleaming wet and pink. “I want you inside me.”
It would be a first between them, and Jordan stared at Lucas in disbelief. “What are you saying? You’ve never—”
“So?” Lucas’s fingers tightened on his. “It makes sense to me. It could only be you. I want you in every way possible.”
Could he have gotten any luckier? Out of the hellfire that had been his life this past year, he’d discovered he was stronger than he’d imagined and more resilient. Most important, he’d found love amid the ashes of his heart.
Jordan stood, and Sasha jumped up, eyes bright, ready to be on her way. “Let’s go home. We have all night.” He took Lucas’s hand in his. “There’s no need to rush.”
They walked down Ninth Avenue and stopped in the supermarket; Lucas waited outside with Sasha while Jordan picked up everything he needed for dinner. It was twilight by the time they headed back to Jordan’s town house, the dark lavender-lit sky a brilliant backdrop to the building lights beginning to wink on throughout the city. His street was relatively dim, as it consisted mostly of townhomes and low-rise buildings, and the streetlamps had yet to come on for the evening. He’d almost forgotten the simple pleasure of walking hand in hand through the city streets, and once again Jordan marveled at how lonely and lost he’d been when he woke up only this morning, and now, at the setting of the sun, his life couldn’t be more satisfying and complete. He slanted a glance at Lucas and caught his eye.
“What?” Lucas smirked.
Jordan kissed the corner of his mouth. “Nothing.”
“That didn’t feel like nothing.” Lucas slung his arm across Jordan’s shoulders. “I have to say, Prep School, you surprised me.” They continued walking, Lucas’s arm tight around him—a perfect fit.
“I did? How?”
“You kept up with your workouts. I can tell ’cause your shoulders are broader and your muscles feel as though they have more definition.” Lucas’s hand massaged his shoulder, continuing down his arm. Even through his jacket, Jordan sensed Lucas’s touch, strong yet gentle. It was one of the things he loved most about Lucas. To everyone else he presented a tough, brooding alpha male, but when they were together, his main concern was Jordan.
“Oh yeah?” Jordan leaned in to whisper in Lucas’s ear and heard the hitch in his breath. “If you’re good, maybe I’ll let you do a more thorough examination after dinner.”
