“I love you too. Now go get your man.”
She opened the door and pushed him out, laughing. The laughter in his throat died when he saw Jordan sitting at a table with Drew, Ash, and Esther.
Their gazes locked as Luke’s deliberate steps took him across the room until he came to stand in front of a pale and serious-looking Jordan.
“Hey, Prep School. Can we talk?”
Jordan’s tentative smile nearly broke his heart. He’d never looked as vulnerable as he did right then, so close to breaking. “I’d like that, Lucas.”
Chapter Eighteen
It had to be a good sign that Lucas was willing to talk. The earlier anger in his eyes had disappeared. Perhaps he’d be willing to listen after all. Jordan stood up from the group sitting around the table. “I have to go home and walk Sasha. Want to come with me?”
“Yeah,” said Lucas. “I kind of miss that mutt.”
Jordan leaned over and kissed Esther’s soft cheek. “I promise to come see you soon.”
“Dear boy.” She placed her little hand on his and, to his surprise, stood up and led him away from the group. “Talk to me. You’re so hurt, and your eyes are so sad. Please, you need to make this right with Lucas. Finding love one time in this life is a joy. Finding it twice is a gift not many are given.”
Stunned into silence, Jordan gaped at Esther. Love? He didn’t love Lucas.
Did he?
Esther’s sweet smile broadened. “It isn’t ever going to be the same as before. But it shouldn’t be. Lucas isn’t Keith. But he gives you strength and courage in a different way, I can see. And you, my dear, give him something he never had.”
“What?” Jordan honestly didn’t think he had anything to offer. Not any longer.
“A home. A sense of belonging to a person and a place. That young man has been searching all his life for someone to hold on to.” With surprising strength, she squeezed his hand. “I think you’re the one he needs.”
“I never planned for any of this to happen.”
A chuckle escaped Esther. “Oh, silly boy. Didn’t I ever tell you my own mother’s favorite saying? ‘Man plans and God laughs.’ When it comes to matters of the heart, we have little control. I’ve known you since you were a little boy and watched you grow up to be a man anyone would be proud to call a friend. You’ve never been afraid to stand up for yourself.”
“But I deceived him. I lied to all of you.” Admitting it in front of Esther might have been his lowest point yet. “I’m so ashamed.”
“Shame is hard but humbling. Now that you’ve said it, you must move forward or it will consume you. Do you think we’re all perfect?” In a louder voice, she pointed at his friends sitting at the table, who made no attempt to hide the fact that they were all trying to listen to their conversation. “I defy anyone here to state that they’ve never done anything they regret or are ashamed of.” Esther searched the faces of everyone present. No one contradicted her. “Of course not.” She faced Jordan once again. “You’ve been lucky that the strength of your personality and your friendships has allowed you to remain unscathed. Now you must delve deep inside yourself for your own pocket of strength. Find the courage you have within you.”
Mindful of her delicate bones, Jordan gathered Esther to his chest. “I love you. You know that, right?”
She smiled though her eyes were shiny with wetness. “I do. And I’ve always been proud of you—from the first time we marched together in the Gay Pride Parade to right now.”
Jordan gave her one last hug, then returned to Lucas. “Ready to go?”
He nodded, and they took off. The community center was only a few blocks from Jordan’s brownstone, and he could hear Sasha barking as he ran up the stairs.
“Quiet, girl. I brought you your friend.” He opened the door and held it for Lucas. “I think she missed you.” He laughed as the dog hurtled past him to jump on Lucas, whining and licking him, her stubby tail wagging at a furious rate.
Lucas went on his knees in the hallway, his face receiving a thorough tongue washing from Sasha. He brushed the curls out of his eyes and laughed. A wave of desire swept over Jordan, so strong he must’ve made a sound, for Lucas glanced up at him, his hazel eyes glinting with the same raw need.
Jordan dropped next to him. “I’m sorry I lied. I-I was so humiliated.” He extended his fingers as if to feel Lucas’s face, but hesitated and curled them toward his palm instead, not knowing if his touch would be welcomed. “I still am. I never meant to deceive you. That wasn’t why I kept it from you. You have to believe me.”
To his shock, Lucas grabbed his hand and held on tight. “I know. Now, I know that. And I’m sorry too. I’ve spent my life running away from everything instead of facing up to the things that hurt me. I should’ve stayed to help you. You needed me, and I let you down. You don’t leave a person when they’re hurting or in pain.” Lucas entwined their fingers together, and Jordan watched in wonder as Lucas kissed his fingers with a tenderness he’d never shown before. “You’re not supposed to leave the one you love alone to face their demons.”
Jordan froze. “What did you say?” Sasha had finally wandered away, the tags on her collar jingling, mixing in with the screams of laughter from the children playing some game on the sidewalk. Every sound echoed loud in Jordan’s ears, committing this time and place to memory. Beams of hazy late-afternoon sun filtered through the sheer curtains on the glass-front doors, burnishing Lucas’s chestnut curls to a gilded halo. Jordan gaped at Lucas, transfixed.
“I knew you’d make me repeat it. You want to hear me say it over and over, don’t you, Prep School?” A lazy grin spread over Lucas’s handsome face, lighting up his usually somber expression. “I’m happy to, but first I have to do something.”
“What?” Jordan held his breath. In this day of firsts, he had no idea what Lucas had in mind.
