“But when you met Jordan, it was as if a switch turned on inside of you. You became interested in life for the first time.” She laughed. “Even if you fought and argued, you enjoyed it. He made you come alive, baby. And I understand you’re scared about the past. You gotta let it go. Grab this chance at happiness. Look at what happened to Jordan and his detective. Here one day and gone the next. You don’t want to lose Jordan over fear, do you?”
“It isn’t that.” Luke finally pulled away from Wanda’s embrace and led her to a back room they used as a lounge, to take a break or eat their lunch while working. He closed the door and indicated she should sit in one of the comfortable chairs arranged around the rectangular table; then he took a seat. “Before I left for Europe, I found out that Jordan was abusing pills, Xanax to be exact. He started taking them when his fiancé was killed, and even though his doctor told him he didn’t need them any longer, he continued.”
Wanda shook her head, her eyes sad. “That poor man. As if he didn’t have enough to deal with.”
Luke shifted in his chair. “Anyway, he promised me when I left he’d see someone and kick the habit, but I found out at the opening here the other night that he was still taking them. He lied to me.”
Wanda brushed the tears out of her eyes. “My heart breaks for him. So you’re tryin’ to comfort him and help him, I’m sure, and he’s pushin’ you away.”
He cleared his throat. “Uh, not exactly.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
Luke studied his fingernails for a moment. “I became angry with him, because he lied to me. You know how I feel about that. I don’t even know if it’s really me he wants or if he’s always high when we’re together and it wouldn’t matter who he was with.”
Wanda snorted. “Honey, you are outta your mind. That man is crazy about you.”
“He’s crazy about his drugs. That’s all I know for sure.” He stood and kicked the chair away from him with his foot. “If I were enough for him, he wouldn’t need the pills. But I’m not. It’s probably because he still loves Keith. It’s not fair.” His hands clenched at his side as all the hurt and pain spilled out of him. “If he loved me, it should be enough.Ishould be enough for him. But I’m not. And I never will be because he doesn’t love me more than he loves his pills.” He turned his back on Wanda, unwilling to let her see the tears in his eyes. “I won’t be lied to, and I don’t need to be a stand-in lover for a dead man. I was fine on my own all these years. I’ll be fine again.”
“Luke, look at me.” Wanda pulled at his shoulder. Reluctantly he turned around, his jaw set, eyes narrowed.
“What is it? I know I’m right.”
“No, you aren’t. I’ve been around the block more than one time and forgotten more than you’ll ever know.” She poked him in the shoulder, surprising him with the strength of her anger. “So sit back down and listen to me.”
Luke thought about protesting, but in the face of her anger he wisely shut his mouth and flopped back down in his chair. “What?” He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he didn’t give a shit.
“That man has been through hell in the past year, and you were the only thing he counted on. He finally learns to open up and give you his heart, and what do you do at the first sign of trouble? Instead of supportin’ and tryin’ to help him, you lecture him and act like you’re the one who was hurt.”
“You don’t understand. He lied to me.”
Wanda leaned against the desk and folded her arms. “Maybe knowin’ you would react this way, he was right not to tell you.”
“But Wanda.” Luke used his most reasonable tone of voice. “If he was always high, then how do I know that he does care? I don’t know shit about relationships. You know that. But I’ve seen enough people hooked on drugs who’ll say or do anything when they’re high. I can’t and I won’t tell him how I feel if he’s on those pills.”
“You’re taking away his hope, baby. Give him something to strive for. If he knows you’re there for him—”
“No.” Luke cut her short. “I don’t want him kicking the pills for me. He needs to do it for him.”
Wanda nodded. “I agree. But at least offer him your support. Let him know you’ll be there waiting for him at the end.”
The picture of Jordan holding hands with Dr. Tash Weber flashed through his mind. “It may be too late. I may have lost him already.”
Wanda sniffed. “Who are you kidding?” Her voice rang out in disbelief. “I tell you what. You go right now to him and tell him how you feel. I guarantee you will make his afternoon.” She grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the chair, a wicked-looking grin on her lips. “Make sure you give him some lovin’ and let him know how you feel.”
Heat warmed his cheeks. “Wanda…”
She hugged him close. “He needs you now. No matter what you think. And I don’t care what you say; you need him too. I’ve never seen you more alive than when you’re with him. He makes you feel, baby doll.”
For a moment, he clutched her to him, the mother he never had, and let the tears fall. “But what if—”
“Shh. I know what you’re gonna say. What if he doesn’t care?”
He nodded into her shoulder, feeling like that lost eighteen-year-old he had been all those years ago when he’d first stumbled into the shelter.
Her warm, soothing hands rubbed his back as if he were a child in need of comfort. “I’m positive that won’t be the case, but if it is? Then you’ll have to change his mind, won’t you? Life isn’t ever definite. When you think you have it all figured out, it bites you in the ass, letting you know not to take anything for granted.”
He sniffed and pulled away from her embrace. “Thanks.” Luke bent down and gave her a kiss. “I love you, Wanda.”
