“No, I mean, kind of. Yeah I did. A half shift until 6:30. I was supposed to work a full, but I asked Vernon if I could go home early. It’s Wednesday and slow, so…” Realizing he was babbling, Reed set the water down and forced a smile. “Can’t I see you for dinner without an ulterior motive? We haven’t spent much time together lately, and I wanted to catch up. That’s all.”
Grabbing a slider, he took a huge bite. Since leaving Carter’s house three days ago, he’d gone to his classes but done little else except mope about. There’d been no contact from Carter, and Reed assumed he’d spoken to Jacks who obviously had no desire to share his brother’s time with a boyfriend. And Reed could understand the little boy completely. The love between Jacks and his brother was obvious, and after all those years with it being only the two of them, Reed knew he’d be seen as nothing more than an interloper.
His father raised a brow. “Hmph,” he said and chewed on some fries. “You know, you’ve always been the worst liar.”
“I have?” Amused, Reed dipped a fry in some ketchup. “And you can tell how?”
“Aside from the fact you can’t look me straight in the eyes, your breathing is quicker than normal, you’re tapping your feet under the table, and I bet you’re eating without even tasting the food.”
Damn. That was the problem with having a close relationship with your parent. They really did know you better than you knew yourself sometimes. “I’m not lying. I was supposed to work a full shift and—”
“I’m not talking about that, and you know it, Reed. What I don’t understand is why you won’t talk to me about it. You’re still my child, and I’ll always worry about your happiness, yet for the last few months you’ve pulled away from me, and I don’t know why.”
“You have your own life to lead, Dad. And now you have Ariel, the person you should be thinking about, not your adult, twenty-seven-year-old son. I’ll be fine; I mean, I’m fine.”
Shit.
His father’s eyes lit up with victory. “Huh. I knew it. Now spill; tell me what happened. I’m here to help. I can be a friend as well as a father, you know.”
Reed considered his father’s words as he aimlessly stuffed a few fries in his mouth and chewed. Anything to give himself time to think and consider. Over the years he’d tried to become more independent, if for no other reason than to prove to himself he could make it without having someone there to hold his hand to quell his fear. Bad enough he had to still see his psychiatrist; he didn’t need to lay his burdens on his father. The ever-present anxiety made him second-guess himself on so many aspects of his life there’d been times he couldn’t decide what to order from a menu.
But one thing had never wavered; the love he had for his father. The close relationship he’d seen between Carter and his little brother as well as the other families he’d met that afternoon with Carter had unleashed a flood of emotions inside Reed. He didn’t want something to happen to his father without him knowing how much he was loved.
“The guy you met briefly at the bar, Carter? You were right about it being serious.”
“That’s good, then. But I’m confused. I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore.”
Apparently he was a better liar than his father thought. For while it may have taken Reed breaking up with him for Carter to realize he loved Reed, Reed’s heart knew he was in love long before.
“It wasn’t supposed to be serious. I thought I could forget about him, but you can’t control how you feel, right?”
“No, you can’t. But are you telling me he doesn’t feel the same way? That’s surprising, considering I remember how he looked at you that night. Like he knew how special a man you are.”
A mirthless laugh escaped Reed. “Oh no, he told me he loves me, and I believe him; he’s no liar. Carter is like no other man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s guarded and protective. His incredibly hard life shaped him into a man who appears confident and ruthless, but it’s all for show. I’ve seen otherwise. He’s sweet and loving without even knowing it. It’s all in there but buried so deep I’m not sure it can be unearthed.”
A ball game was on the television, and the Mets must’ve scored since the men at the bar roared their approval and got busy high-fiving each other. It reminded Reed how Carter had mentioned he’d wanted the three of them, him, Reed, and Jacks to go to a game that summer. At the time, Reed could think of nothing that would make him happier; now he wondered if it would ever come to pass.
“Then what’s the problem?” Forgetting about the food and putting his glass of beer off to the side, his father braced his elbows on the table, cradling his chin in his hands. “Am I missing something? All relationships take work.”
“This past weekend I found out Carter has a little brother, a half-brother he didn’t know existed until his mother dumped him and disappeared. The little boy has some physical and emotional problems as could only be expected with such trauma. Carter has basically given up his own life to make sure he gives Jacks a life of safety and security.”
“And now Jacks feels threatened by you.”
Dumbfounded, Reed stared at his father, who leaned back in the booth. “Um, how did you figure that out so quickly?”
Crossing his arms, his father gave him a tender smile. “After your mother left, my sole focus was making sure your life continued on as normally as possible. My sole focus had to be you. A parent’s job is to protect their child and I did whatever I could to the best of my ability. Carter is Jacks’s surrogate parent and worries about him as a father would about his child.”
With the vagueness of passing years, Reed now struggled to remember his mother. All he could conjure up was her yelling at him for not paying attention to her at home or to the teacher when he was in school. She didn’t want to hear how the slightest sound easily distracted him, or how he’d rarely finish a quiz without running out of time because he couldn’t focus and needed to read and reread the questions four, five, sometimes six times to get the information to sink into his head.
“She hardly was a normal mother.”
His father’s lips tightened. “My biggest regret is not seeing her behavior sooner and intervening. I’d give anything so that you didn’t have to live like that.”
“Don’t,” Reed broke in, unwilling to let his father berate himself one minute more for his mother’s abandonment. “Don’t you dare blame yourself. It all worked out;weworked out fine. I was hoping I’d be able to get close enough with Carter and Jacks to help somehow, but it doesn’t seem likely.”
“Because?” his father prodded. “Did Carter tell you he couldn’t see you any longer because of his brother?”
“No, Reed did.”
