Startled, Reed spun around so quickly he almost spilled his water glass and stared at Carter. It must’ve started raining while they were inside as droplets of water ran down Carter’s face and his leather jacket glistened from the damp.
“Carter? What are you doing here?”
Carter’s lips twisted in an attempt to smile but failed. “No offense to your boss, but it isn’t for the food.”
Reed drank in Carter’s appearance, taking in his mussed hair and day-old growth covering his face. His eyes held no life, their normal sparkle dimmed to a flat and lifeless gray. He looked the picture of absolute dejection.
“Would you like to join us?”
“I don’t want to intrude…” Carter searched Reed’s face, a hesitant smile touching his lips. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“Well, we were talking about you anyway, so you might as well sit down and set the record straight.” His father chuckled, lightening the mood a bit.
This time Carter managed a full-blown grin. “Nice to know.” He slid into the booth next to Reed, their thighs touching under the table.
“Reed told me about your little brother. Sounds like you have managed to turn around a bad situation and make it work. That couldn’t have been easy.”
Carter placed his hands flat on the rough wooden table. “I did what anyone would do. He’s a helpless child—my only relative.”
“You’re not in touch with your mother, then?”
Carter’s hands curled into fists. “Not for years. The last time was two years ago, a year after she left Jacks with me. She tried to hit me up for money and threatened to take Jacks away. So I made a deal with the devil: I paid her what she wanted, and she gave up all legal rights to Jacks. Thank God.”
In Reed’s mind, what Carter had done for Jacks was nothing short of a miracle, but Carter didn’t seek praise.
“Before that?” Carter’s lips curled in a sneer. “Aside from what we talked about last night, I hadn’t seen nor heard from her in almost twelve years. As far as I’m concerned my past is wiped clean.”
Reed nodded in agreement, and his father sighed, his expression grave. “You’re very young, Carter. You’ve been on your own all that time?”
“Yes. And better off for it. She was no mother.”
When it became apparent Carter wasn’t going to give any more information—that the painful story of Carter’s early years had been told to him in confidence—Reed thought for a moment and then spoke.
“I can relate to that in a way. We haven’t heard from my own mother in over fifteen years as well. She walked out on us when I was twelve. Said she couldn’t handle me or my problems.”
Carter turned to face him, his dark brows twisted in obvious confusion. “You mentioned that before but I don’t even know what that means. What problems?”
Anxiety meds could only do so much; they didn’t stop his heart from pounding or his breath from catching short. “I told you, my anxiety, my ADHD.”
“Yeah, I know that. But so what? That’s what parents do. They take care of their kids and get them help.” With a flip of his hand, Carter gestured to Walter. “Am I missing something?”
“No,” said his father. “That’s it exactly. But even after all these years, Reed still for some reason blames himself. Am I right?”
Reed hated the question. It put a spotlight on everything he tried to hide from people: his insecurity, inferiority, and feeling that no matter how hard he tried, he’d never measure up to the person he wanted to be.
“I—I wanted to be like everyone else; I didn’t need to be the smartest or the best at anything. But she made me feel dumb. Like if I had problems, it was all my fault because I didn’t try hard enough, even though I tried so damn hard.”
Carter laced their fingers together, and Reed could feel the strength flowing between their connected hands. “No matter what I did it was never good enough. If I did well in one class, she’d point out how I failed in other ways. But when we went to my psychiatrist, she’d tell him how much time she gave me, that she tried working with me, but I wouldn’t pay attention. She lied to protect herself instead of helping me.”
“Reed,” said his father. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“She was my mom, and you were together. I didn’t want to be bad. She told me not to say anything, or you’d leave us.”
His father interrupted. “I’d never—”
“I know that now, but not when I was a kid. I loved you. I didn’t want to be the cause of you leaving.”
It hurt him so much to see his father’s eyes shining bright with tears and lines of sorrow etched in his face. Perhaps this day had been a long time coming.
