“You don’t have to say anything. I see it in your eyes. Only you know how you feel and what’s in your heart.”
What did he feel? He had no idea. He only knew that a life without Drew in it now seemed inconceivable.
He watched her gaze settle on Drew and Jordan, a fond smile crossing her lips. “Did you know after Jordan told us all he was gay, I marched with him in the first gay pride parade he attended? I was so proud of him, standing up for himself, against all the bullies.”
Ash swallowed his hurt. “Jordan hates me. He remembers the way I used to be, the corrupted man I was. He doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m going to hurt Drew.” He regretted so much in his life, but never more so than tonight. If only he’d behaved himself and not been the man-whore he’d been in the past, perhaps he would’ve been accepted by Drew’s best friend.
“And are you?”
As usual Esther came straight to the point. She never let him get away with anything, forcing him to face his innermost fears. Tonight was no different except he no longer had the driving need to hide his feelings not only from her, but from himself.
“I’d hurt myself again before I’d hurt Drew. I care about him more than I’ve ever cared about anyone else.”
“I never imagined you to be a coward. You know, I’ve lost so many people I’ve loved I no longer wait for what I think is the right time or let people dictate to me what’s right or wrong. Don’t waste your time thinking.”
Ash bent down and gave her a kiss on her cheek. As a child he used to wonder about his real mother. Who she was, whether or not she had dreams for him when she was pregnant and after he was born. But now, as he soaked in Esther’s love and acceptance, from the gentle touch of her hand on his to the soft, knowing look in her eyes, the past had receded far enough that it no longer mattered how his life had begun.
It only mattered where he was going and whom he’d be journeying with.
“Thank you, Esther.”
He walked toward Drew.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“What the fuck are you doing with him, Drew?” Jordan’s anger pushed against him like a backdraft from a fire. As long as he’d known him, Drew couldn’t remember his friend exhibiting such hostility.
“I’m still not sure why you think I need to explain anything to you.” Drew’s eyes narrowed. “Since when have you appointed yourself my keeper?”
“Since you started making such fucking stupid decisions, man. What the hell is wrong with you lately? First you marry that cheating bitch; now you allow yourself to be taken in by some self-centered prick.” Jordan ran his hand through his hair, causing the usual neatly styled arrangement to stand up on end.
Drew’s temper snapped like a worn-out rope. “Enough. I don’t know why you, Rachel, or even Mike think you have the right to voice opinions on my choices in life. I’m not fucking four years old on the playground anymore.”
“Then stop acting like it, and use your brain instead of your dick,” Jordan sniped, his blue eyes icy cold. His usual cockiness had been replaced by the sneering arrogance that Drew heartily detested. Jordan had consistently believed his decisions were always best, stemming from his natural-born confidence as the oldest and therefore the leader in their group. As children, Drew had always found it easier to follow in Jordan’s wake instead of asserting his own independence.
It had never mattered that much until now.
Almost desperately, Drew put a hand on Jordan’s arm in an attempt to salvage the conversation and perhaps their friendship. Because he knew that no matter how important his friends were to him, if he was forced to make a choice, he’d choose Ash.
“Jordy, you don’t get it. I don’t want to make this choice, and I shouldn’t have to. Why are you forcing me? How would you feel if I told you I didn’t like Keith? Would you break up with him?” Drew watched as a look of disbelief flashed across Jordan’s face.
“You actually have the nerve to compare Keith to that arrogant piece of shit? I’ll bet he’s never told you how he feels about you. And you’re too trusting, like always. You’ll never learn, will you?”
“Well, well, Jordan. Why hold back?” Ash sauntered over, and Drew winced at the harsh planes of Ash’s handsome face. Where moments before he’d been relaxed and carefree, now his eyes flashed steel and his mouth had hardened to granite. “Let everyone know how you really feel about me.” He folded his arms across his chest, glowering. Drew didn’t want this to descend into a shouting match between the two.
Keith stood next to Jordan, as usual, trying to calm his lover down, his hand caressing the nape of Jordan’s neck. This time, however, Jordan wouldn’t be denied his say.
“Don’t tell me not to care when I see my friend making a mistake.” He looked around the room, pushing Keith’s hand away. “Doesn’t anyone else see how wrong this whole situation is?”
Drew’s voice rose, uncharacteristically loud. “I’ve already told you my life is not yours or anyone else’s to run or control. Leave my personal life alone, or leave. Period.”
The room fell silent. Drew could hear Mike asking Rachel what had happened, but she shushed him. Jordan’s laugh rang uneasily. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re best friends. You wouldn’t choose him over our friendship of thirty years.”
He loved Jordan like a brother, but Drew couldn’t take his pushy manipulation any longer. “It’s not me choosing him, Jordan. You’re making it like that. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me anymore.”
“I didn’t say anything when you married Jackie, even though I knew she was wrong for you, and now look where you are. Divorced after not even a year. Maybe if I’d spoken up, you wouldn’t be here today, trying to prove you knew what you were doing, throwing a party to celebrate a failed marriage.”
Utter silence filled the room. Drew’s heart battered against his chest, the thumping sound filling his ears. It was as if a knife flayed open his chest. Drew had always known his friend’s arrogance and opinionated nature didn’t win him many popularity contests, but he’d thought it was done out of love. After hearing those hurtful words, he now questioned the very foundation of their almost thirty-year friendship.
