“I don’t owe you or anyone here explanations for what takes place in my life. Like I said. You don’t like it; you know where the door is.” He stood face-to-face with Jordan, watching his eyes widen with shock.
Ash’s hand came down on his shoulder, heavy yet comforting. “Don’t make snap judgments. Being the oldest in the group, he feels protective.” Ash’s hand gave a quick squeeze. “Strangely enough, I can understand that.”
A welling of emotion bubbled in Drew’s veins. Ash understood, being the protector of his foster brothers like Jordan had been theirs. It made sense that he could relate. All Drew wanted was for his family to get along together, but at this point, Ash was his lover, and he would defend him to his friends and family.
“Jordy? Are we good?” Drew didn’t want to fight. For the first time since he could remember, his life seemed to be going smoothly. He had no desire to see a ripple in the water disturb his fragile peace. “Come on, man.”
Keith leaned over and murmured in Jordan’s ear. Whatever he said turned the tide as Jordan relaxed into Keith’s embrace. “I’ll accept it, but I don’t have to like it. However”—he put up his hand—“I won’t sabotage you, Davis. My concern is Drew. If you hurt him, you’d better disappear before I find you.” He stalked off.
At that moment Peter and his wife walked in, and the tension in the room eased as they greeted his grandmother. Ash left their group to greet his friends, and Drew followed his progress across the room.
“You really care about him, don’t you?”
No use in hiding the truth, as Drew never could lie to save his life. Keith’s curious question brought a smile to Drew’s lips.
“Yeah. You all don’t know him because you only see his public face. There’s so much more to him that you can’t imagine, but it isn’t my story to tell.”
“You’re in love with him.”
Drew stiffened as Keith’s voice drifted past his ear. “Are you planning on giving me as hard a time as Jordan? If so, then please don’t say anything else.”
“No. But let me give you a piece of advice.”
Drew faced him. “Yes?”
“Don’t wait for the right time or a special moment, if that’s what you’re doing. Believe me, I know better than anyone, being a cop. I could leave one morning and never come home.” For a moment wetness glimmered in his eyes. “The regrets some people live with are crushing. It may sound clichéd, but I don’t ever take what I have with Jordan for granted, because I know how easily it can all disappear.” With that, Keith left Drew’s side and slipped his arms around Jordan’s waist, kissing the top of his head.
Tonight, Drew thought.
By this time, Rachel and Mike had joined him. “I know you say you’re together now, but you were never interested in men before, D. And, your willingness to throw away a lifetime of friendship isn’t the brother I’ve known all my life. Since you met Ash, you’re like a different person. I still don’t understand.” The confusion and concern in Rachel’s face clouded her eyes and caused a furrow in her normally smooth brow. “And don’t think I’m still not concerned about Ash’s reputation. I kind of get where Jordan’s coming from.”
“Will you excuse us, please?” Drew took his sister’s arm and steered her toward his bedroom, where he sat on the bed and indicated she should do the same. He rubbed his hands on his thighs, warming himself up for this talk. He looked into her face and realized how proud he was of her. She’d been so young when their parents died and took it so hard. To know she’d come through her darkness, a strong secure woman, with so much love to give and receive, was all the knowledge he needed to decide his own life had been put on hold long enough.
“Sweetie, you know we’ve never been ones to place a label on anyone. When you experimented in college and introduced me to your girlfriend, I didn’t care. As long as you were happy.”
Rachel’s lip curved in a small smile. “Yeah, Samantha was fun to be with, but we never took it seriously. It was about finding our way, and sex was a part of it.”
One thing Drew had been curious about. “Have you told Mike you were with a woman for a few months?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. And typical man, he got all excited and wanted to know if we’d taken any pictures. Honestly, sometimes you men are such pigs.” She laughed, but the nervous winding of her necklace around her fingers told Drew she still had concerns.
“Good, because you don’t want secrets. Ash and I don’t have secrets either. He knows me, Rachey. Really knows me. I think he knows me better than I know myself.”
“But when did you realize you were gay?” Her color rose. “You’re obviously sleeping with each other, but you’ve never done that with a guy before. Right?” Her green eyes held his, but there was no condemnation in her regard. Merely curiosity and love.
“I don’t think I could be with any other man. It’s him. There is something about him that brings me peace and a sense of calm. I’m no longer lonely.”
“Was it that bad, D?”
“Yeah. It was.” He pushed the hair away from his face. “You see, I blamed myself for Mom and Dad’s death. If I hadn’t been such a baby, so afraid of the loneliness, I wouldn’t have needed them to come up that weekend to hold my hand and tell me everything would be all right. They died because I was afraid to live my life. For years afterward, I let Jordan and you guys push me in whatever direction you thought was right for me, without ever questioning what I wanted.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to do it. It’s only because I love you and want the best for you.”
With the pad of his thumb, he swiped at her cheeks. “I know, sweetie. And the one time I asserted myself was marrying Jackie, and look where that got me.”
She sniffled but smiled through her tears. “Yeah. It found you Ash. You know I’m a great believer in fate. Maybe you needed that mistake to lead you in the direction you were always meant to be.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. God, he loved her. Every day was such a precious gift. He couldn’t imagine life without her. “I love you, Rach. And maybe you’re right, but I’m still finding my way.”
