“Exactly.” He always understood. “There’s something else I want you to know. My parents have asked us to stay with them for a while. If our discussion about shifters goes well, I’m going to take them up on their offer.”
“A while?” His dark eyes grew black. “How long is a while?”
“I’m not sure. It’s been so long since we’ve had a proper visit, and the kids miss their grandparents. I’m leaving it open-ended.”
“Open-ended.” He stood and walked over to the window, his hands shoved in his pants pockets. She could see only his profile, but the line of tension in his jaw was plainly visible. He didn’t look at her for a long time, and when he did, the anger and pain in his face took her breath away. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
She tried to keep her voice from cracking. “Not forever.”
Don’t hate me, Connor. Please don’t hate me.
He stood still, staring at her. He blinked a few times, but his eyes still watered.
Her pillar of strength was crumbling before her eyes.
Shedid this. She was the one hurting him.
Like a statue springing to life, Connor suddenly rushed over. Dropping to his knees before her, he grasped her hands. “Don’t. Please.”
Her ears burned with his fervent whisper. “Connor, I have to.”
“No, no, no, you don’t.” He laid his forehead on her lap. When he looked up again, his eyes were red. “I’ll give you space. I’ll give you whatever you need, just don’t go. Please. I’ll be whatever you want, whoever you want. I’ll be more like Lloyd.
Lloyd. Just like that, her repaired heart shattered. Her pent-up agony escaped in a cry. “Don’t say that! I don’t want you to be like Lloyd.”
“Don’t you?” He pulled away from her and stood, pacing. “Admit it, Elaine. It’s the reason you’ve tolerated me so far. I’m a reminder of what you lost.”
“Take that back.” This conversation, as much as it would haunt her, was proof she’d made the right decision. She had to do this. “I don’ttolerateyou.”
“Do you love me?”
“You know I love you.”
“No, I don’t. I know you love me as a friend, but as a lover? As your mate? I have no idea how you feel for me.”
“It’s hard to put in words.”
“No, Elaine, it’s really not. I can put it into words just fine.” He held his hands out at his sides in a gesture of surrender. “I love you. You’remymate. I want to build a life with you. I want children with you. I want to walk the same path you do, every goddamn day for the rest of my life. I want forever with you.”
His beautiful words forced her into a state of silence. Her lips moved, but no sound emerged, like a flounder gasping for air.
“But you don’t love me.”
“It’s not true.”
“No? Then tell me the truth.”
He sat back down next to her and brought his beautiful body close to hers, making it hard to think. How was she even supposed to string two words together when he crowded her like this? Didn’t he understand how her synapses fired when she was around him? “I just need time.”
“Like when you took off to Alaska?”
“Connor.”
“Were you looking fortimewhen you jumped into bed with me? Because I could have sworn you were looking for something else.”
“You have no idea how hard this is.”
“I don’t know how hard this is? Give me a break. Elaine, you allowed me to be a part of your family, and now you’re taking it away. You’re fucking killing me.” He dragged his hands through his hair and hung his head. His tears dripped onto his jeans, dotting the faded denim. “I should have known you’d run away again. I should have known I couldn’t keep you.”
