“What does your bear tell you?”
“Oh, my bear loves him. My bear can’t get enough of him.”
“But that’s not good enough?”
“I don’t know. When Lloyd came into my life, it was like a fireball lighting up the darkness. It was explosive and shocking and new. With Connor, it’s been different. He’s been my friend. My cushion. We’ve known each other so long, and it makes sense to follow my heart, but I’m scared my heart is wrong. What if I’m mistaking comfort for love?”
“Do you honestly think that’s all you get from Connor? Comfort?”
“It’s more than that, but I don’t know how to describe it. With Lloyd…”
“Elaine.” Josh reached for her hand. “I don’t think it’s fair for you to compare this with what you had with Lloyd. Connor’s not the same man.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t change him. I’m not trying to replicate my marriage. I’m just worried I’m not doing Connor justice. Maybe it’s not possible for me to feel the same heat again. What if I’m done with fireworks? What if I’m destined to stay lukewarm? Because Connor deserves better than lukewarm. I don’t ever want him to feel second best.”
“What does he feel?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you need to talk to him about it.”
She nodded.
“For what it’s worth, I think you and Connor are going to be just fine. Cut yourself some slack. Take some time to regroup. It’ll all become clear soon enough.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so. Oh, and there’s no reason you or the kids can’t visit your parents.” He smiled. “You’re healthy, Elaine. Live your life. I have every faith it’ll be a long one.”
* * * *
Elaine checked the clock for the fifth time that evening. Seven o’clock. Connor would be back from his shift any time now.
When she heard his footfall on the porch, she tensed. He opened the door, glanced around the empty cabin, and closed it behind him. “Hey, lady. Where are the munchkins? In bed already?”
“I asked Fleur to babysit.”
“Oh, okay.” He toed off his boots and set them in tidy formation on the doormat. His movements slow, he removed his jacket and hung it on the coatrack. “It’s just us then.”
She wasn’t sure how such quiet tones could echo so loudly in her head. His stiff posture put her on guard, and he didn’t bound into the room like he always did. In fact, he seemed hesitant to enter.
Connor was already readying himself.
He knew.
She’d hurt him with all this uncertainty. She wouldn’t hurt him anymore.
“Connor, can we talk?”
He stood still for a moment but then moved into the living room and sat next to her on the couch. Before settling in, he dropped a kiss onto her head. “Sure.”
Elaine’s bear rolled around, its animal heart in tatters, but she held her head high. “I wanted to let you know I’m all set to visit my parents next week. I’m heading out on Monday. They’re excited to see us.”
“I’m glad. I hope it goes well.”
“Thanks. While I’m there, I’m going to talk to an old friend of mine. Laurie homeschooled her kids, and I think I should do that for Layla and Andy for a while, you know, until they’re ready to enroll in a primary school. With everything going on the past year, I haven’t been able to give them a proper start to their education.”
“They’re still little. I think you’re making a good decision with homeschooling. That way, you won’t be stressed about them shifting in a classroom.”
