I wanted to be mad at Rowan. I actually wanted to hate him. I laid in my bed, burning from the heat, the pain setting my nerves on fire, knowing that his touch, anyone’s touch, would save me. But he was right. I would have regretted it after it was said and done. I screamed all day, all night. I couldn’t eat, I barely slept. Wendy and Toya were there to help with anything I needed.
Micca and Hanna came and visited, but they handled everything outside of the apartment for me. Ensuring everything was in place for the start of the second year. They handled the shopping, the rumors, everything that might pop up, they handled. They also brought the girls’ dinner, so they didn’t have to leave me.
Which I was thankful for. Because the only sleep I got the entire week was when one of them held me through the night. They dealt with my sobs, my anger, my pleading. Through it all, they were understanding. The first couple of days, they tried to talk to me about Rowan, but eventually I had to ask them to stop.
The heat came in waves; I went from sobbing uncontrollably, begging someone to help me, to having a small break to pull myself together. The back-and-forth swing was so violent, so fast, it was wreaking havoc on my system. I went from hot flash to freezing. Excruciating pain to numbness. I had flashes of memories when the heat faded enough for me to be coherent, to weird jumbled memories of freezing water, crying and full need.
On the morning of the seventh day, I woke up, cool to the touch and coherent enough to crack my eyes open and sit up. Toya shifted, rolling over to look at me. “Good morning.” I looked at my best friend and I broke down. “Amy, what’s wrong?” She pushed up from the bed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.
I laughed. “What’s wrong?” I looked at her. “What’s right, Toya?”
“What do you mean?” She was looking at me like I was a bomb that might go off at any moment.
And for the last week I was. I felt guilt crawl up my throat. “Our families are in hiding. My mom is surrounded by men trying to control her. We are stuck here at school. Someone is working with the rogues to overthrow our king, and I just spent the last week begging a man to want me.” I closed my eyes andshook my head. “We still don’t know why Thinus killed himself instead of coming clean, and I have a feeling that everything is going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.”
Toya sighed but rubbed my arm. “Yeah. I have the same feeling, but you are worried about everything all at once. Let’s get up and regroup. Make a solid plan. We have class starting tomorrow, too.” I groaned and wiped my face. I couldn’t focus on this right now. “Are you okay now?” She turned my face and looked closely. “I think you’re past everything. How are you actually feeling, body wise?”
I thought for a moment and then sighed. “My mind is going a million miles a minute, but physically? I’m a little sore, tired, starving, and I could probably chug a bathtub worth of water. It could be worse.” I pushed back the covers and stood, stretching. The cool air touched my nearly naked skin, and I shivered. I looked down to see I was still in just my underwear. I turned to look at Toya and I gestured to my body.
She laughed. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep you in this.” She stood. “Now go shower. For someone that spent a week in the tub, you stink.”
I slapped my hand on my chest. “That hurts.” She laughed again and pushed me towards the bathroom.
“Fully shower, your hairy ass legs gave me rug burn.”
“Wow, you’re mean in the morning.” I called as I walked into the washroom. I turned the water as hot as I could take it, then I stripped. I turned to face the mirror and shook my head. I looked like I lost twenty pounds. I stepped under the spray and settled my racing mind. “How are you two doing?”
My wolves staggered from the woods, skinnier than they were before.We need to talk.Nix’s words held a new bite.
“Yeah, I think it’s time we do.” I grabbed the shampoo and started on my hair. “Obviously, this last week has been hell.” Both of my wolves agreed. Nix and Megan stumbled over to theclearing where my magic lived. Once they were close, they laid down, as if drawing strength from her center.
We’re tired.Megan sighed.This has been hell.Nix snorted and rolled her eyes.
“Say what you need to say.” I rinsed my hair and focused on my Lycan. “I know you have something to say.”
She sighed.I like Rowan, we both do. She started and I could feel it. She was holding back.
“Come on Nix. Just say what’s on your mind.”
She took a deep breath.Okay. Fine. When we woke up after dying, we swore we would never allow another man to make us beg. We agreed we would push men to the side and focus on what matters.
Nix stop.Megan shook her head.
“No. It’s fine.” I shook my head. I took a giant glob of conditioner and threaded it through my curls. “We need to be open and honest with each other. Otherwise, we might end up almost dying again.”
Nix stood, and she started to pace on shaky legs.I’m not going to say that this was your fault, Amy. We all played the part in this fucking mess.
Nix!Megan stood.
“Let her say her peace.” I started to shave my legs. Megan turned her back on Nix and laid down again, closer to the planter. I realized almost as an afterthought that my little plant was growing bigger.
Nix growled and I could see her fighting herself, but she settled, and I could see the resolution in her eyes.What happened during our heat, you crying after Rowan like he was the solution, was pathetic. We swore off men and here you were crying after a man who has told you time and time again that he wants you, but not enough to go against his wolf.
I nodded and waited for her to continue, but she sat down. “Are you done?”
Yes.She glared back at me.
“Good.”
