“What did you just say?” Rowan’s words were dark.
“I’m saying this because I like you. You have grown to be my friend these last months, so I want to give you a fraction of sense.” I heard a growl come from Rowan, but Toya wasn’t done. “You are yelling at Amy like this was her fault, but Brandon put kudzu into her drinks, hoping that she would falter and mate him. But you, you come in here and accuse her like she isn’t the victim. You yell and point fingers because she wants to mate someone. But you are too stupid to understand that the person she wants to mate with is you!” There was silence. “But she knows your wolf wants someone else, and she can’t force you to want her back.”
“What?”
“Don’t play stupid. She has told you this herself. But you always seem to forget!”
That made me stop. He always forgets. Just like he never saw my emails. My texts or calls. I close my eyes and drop my head to my knees. “I am stupid.”
“What do you mean?” Wendy crouched.
“He hasn’t seen any of my calls, my texts, my emails all disappeared.” I turned my face towards her. “I thought it was just someone hacking his stuff. But what if it’s more?”
“More how?”
“What if it’s magic? Or what if it is someone close to him and magic? Because Toya is right. I have made it clear I like him, and now he’s questioning who I want to be with. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Unless magic is involved…”
I nodded and wiped my face as the door opened again. I closed my eyes and took a breath before I faced him. “It’s me.” His words were soft, and I just nodded. He staggered closer. “Toya said you told me you liked me…”
I bit back a moan as the heat came surging back. I drew in a shaky breath and up, slipping deeper into the water. “Yeah, in a way.”
He looked confused as he came to the edge of the tub, sinking to the floor next to me. “Explain.”
“When you were here last...” I had to stop for a minute, dunking under the cold water to clear my head. “You told me you liked me, but your wolf wanted someone else. And I told you that you were mine, and I meant it.” I dunked myself again. “But my wolf also wants someone else. And we both decided forcing our wolves to settle for each other would be cruel.”
“Who does your wolf want?”
“I don’t know who the human is, just the wolf.” I struggled as the heat ate away at my sanity.
“Who is the wolf?”
“Er-” I tried to answer. I did, but the heat surged and I was lost to it. My mind shattered with need and I was left panting, moaning, splashing the water everywhere. I slipped deeper into the tub, water closing over my head, cutting off my air. I tried to scream, but the water slipped past my lips.
“Amy.” He grabbed for me, pulling me from the water before I could drown. I coughed up a mouth full of water. Then the heat was back, and my mind left me again. I grabbed his collar, using it to help me gain purchase on him. I wrapped my arm around his neck and then my lips were on his. My chains were a passing inconvenience, but I felt him shiver as the wet metal slid against his skin.
His groan was filled with need, and it gave me access to slip my tongue against his. His lips were heaven, and I moaned as I felt his hands move over me. I needed him; I needed him more than air. He pulled back and I cried out. “Please.”
He stared at me, and I saw him warring with himself. “We can’t Amy.”
I started crying. He was right. I knew he was right. “I’m sorry.” I tried to push him away, but his hands tightened on me. “Put me back in the water.”
He shook his head. “I can’t put you in there.”
“If you can’t touch me, if you can’t help relieve me, then put me back in the water.” I looked up into his eyes. “I can’t think with you here. I want you. I need your touch.” I watched his eyes widen. “I crave your skin against mine, your lips, your tongue. I will die without your body against mine, and I know it’s not what you want.” I angrily swiped at another tear. “I know you don’t want me. So please, put me back into the water and leave.”
“I can’t.” He sounded unhinged.
“This is torture. Do you not understand that? This physically hurts me. I ache for you, and you are refusing to help, and Iknow in my mind it isn’t fair, but right this second, I’m not fair, or rational. And you are right. I might regret it in the morning. Not waiting for my mate, but I wouldn’t regret being with you.” I grabbed his face and kissed his lips one more time. Then I stood on shaking legs. “Now, before the heat takes over again, I need you to leave. Because you would regret being with me. And that is okay. But it hurts.”
I climbed back into the tub and gasped as the freezing water wrapped around my heated skin once again. “I…I…” I just held up my hand. “It wouldn’t be like that, Amy.”
I looked at him with tears in my eyes, and I watched him track the ones that fell. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better. You just have to get out.” Then I sank under the water, leaving only my nose above the water. And I waited to hear his steps fade as the heat took me under again.
Chapter Forty-Nine
My heat took a full week to disappear. And the entire time I cried for Rowan, I needed his touch, but I was left alone chained to the wall of my bedroom. The pain was excruciating, but it still never compared to the pain of giving birth, which I still remembered viscerally. But both now and then paled to having my new born pup laying on my chest struggling to breathe only to be ripped from me.
