I stumble over the words and feel myself start to relent. I want to say anything but the real reason why I called. But jumping in always hurts most when you finally make your breakthrough. After, it’s smooth sailing, and you either sink or swim. Time to break and see if I come out on top or at the fucking bottom.
“I need your help,” I quietly mumble. She doesn’t say a word. “Please, Eva. I fucked up big this time.”
She sighs, “Okay, here is what you are going to do…”
“No,” I stop her. “I already know what I need to do. I just need your help getting there, then leave the rest up to me.”
28
Gwen
Ten Years Ago
Rex pulls me close and kisses the top of my head. I look up at him and smile. He smiles back, and I swear I melt. I remember my sister asking me when we were kids if you knew when you met the “one.” I can honestly say now that Rex Roberts is my one.
He jumps off the tailgate and makes his way toward the snack shack of the drive-in.
“Diet Coke, right Gwen?” I nod and smile, knowing he remembers. “And, Belle, what do you want?”
“Maybe just water. Thanks, Rex,” my sister smiles as he walks away.
At a loss for words, we sit on the tailgate and watch the movie on the big screen in front of us. Belle had wanted to get out, and I had already made plans with Rex. When I told him Belle hadn’t been doing well all week, but today she felt a little better, he agreed to drop our plans and got this crazy idea to go to the drive-in the next town over. It’s a place I haven’t been since we were kids. Belle laughed at the idea at first, but agreed to join us. Now that we’re here, I have to say it was a perfect idea from a close-to-perfect man. Anymore close, and he would be unreal.
“He treats you well?” Belle asks, pulling me from my gaze across the way at Rex who’s ordering drinks and food at the little stand in the middle of the drive-in. “He makes you happy?”
I look at my sister. Her face is a little paler. Her eyes are sunken in from all the weight she has lost these last three months from fighting so hard. I smile at her and wrap one of my arms around her, pulling her to my side. “He treats me good, Belle. I couldn’t ask for better.”
When he thinks no one is looking, I silently say to myself.
“So, why do you sometimes act like there is nothing between you two?”
I look out at the movie playing in the distance and try to come up with some sort of answer. But I have none. I don’t know why. If I’m honest with myself, the way I feel for him scares me, but what scares me more is telling him and scaring him off. I guess I fear if I lose myself completely to him, I won’t be able to find myself again if he ever decides to leave.
“That isn’t completely true,” I say, as fear rises inside my heart. “I dunno, what if one day he leaves, and never comes back?” I whisper. “What if I’m not enough? I see the way he flirts with other girls. I mean, come on, Belle, you know his reputation.” I hate myself for throwing Rex under the bus. I know he’s better than that. But for some reason, I feel the need to put up walls, even with Belle. “I mean, God, you said so yourself. In fact, you keep saying so. Do you honestly think he wouldn’t tire of me one day? A man like him, who always acts like he’s playing the field, they don’t settle down. Even if I wanted him to.”
I let go of her and instinctively hold on to my lower stomach. The realization of the positive test I took a week ago weighs on my heart. I notice my sister’s eyes dart to my hands, so I release them and jump off the tailgate.
Leaning against it for comfort, I wait for her to speak. I glance to my right and see Rex trying to load his arms full of too much food. Juggling three drinks and two trays, my heart stops when I see a pretty girl come close and offer to help. Jealous rage fills me, and I have to look away. When I look back, I see him give her the cold shoulder. His eyes trained on me, he smiles as he begins to make his way towards us.
“That man can’t see anything else in the world when you are around. You gotta see that, Gwen,” my sister whispers, breaking the silence. “When you meet the right boy, you just know. Remember, Gwen? You’d do anything for each other because you love each other.” My heart stills when she says the four-letter word I still have yet to hear from the man now quickly approaching. “Would you do anything for him? Because I see how he looks at you, and I know he’d do anything for you. When you find someone like that, never let them go,” Belle says. “Pinky swear.”
I look up at her and she smiles. Looking down at her extended pinky, small and frail, I link mine through it and promise. “Pinky swear.”
“Good,” she exclaims. “That man right there loves you, Gwen. Even if he has a hard time saying it. Trust me, I can tell by the way he looks at you. Don’t let that go. Ever.”
* * *
My phone rings on my desk. I look at the clock and realize it is 5:45. I meant to quit at 4:30 when my thoughts got caught up in the past, but I must have let my mind wander more than I thought. The club is supposed to open in a little over two hours, and I have yet to go home, get ready, or even wrap my head around having to face Rex tonight. It’s a thought that has been plaguing me all week and one that I’m not ready to deal with in between all the bullshit this week has also brought me.
Our entertainment was cancelled last minute, and even though I was assured by Aaliyah she had it under control, doubt kept getting the better of me because I knew my boss would be there tonight and would let me know her decision about the promotion I have had my eye on. A promotion that seems so small now in comparison to everything else that is going on in life.
Picking up my cell, I see it’s Eva calling.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” I smile, answering the line. “Aren’t you supposed to be relaxing with your hubby while I’m busy running my ass off, making sure everything is ready for tonight?”
“Are you running your ass off?” she laughs.
I grin and look around me. “Nope, not exactly.”
