“Alright, let me think about it.” I roll my neck from side to side and attempt to focus on anything other than Gwen, but it’s useless. “I’ve got a few things I’m trying to get worked out here first. But I will let you know by Friday night. Hey, did you ever hear from Eva about when she and Noah might be flying in?”
“That damn sister of mine,” Michael hisses. “Last I talked to her, she was going off about some assignment Noah didn’t want her to take. I only half listened as she rambled on and on, but I think I remember something about Friday morning. Ask Gwen, she should know.”
Like that’s going to happen. I’m still trying to figure out how to smooth over the mess I made the other night, both on the bar and in our hearts. The truths we finally told each other are left scattered on the floor of the club. Now, I’m just worried that after I didn’t speak up and she walked out the door, maybe I’m too late to tell her how I feel.
“Good idea,” I tell Michael. “Hey, Troy just walked in. I will run the Nashville thing past him just to make sure he’s into it if I bail. I’ll call you later about the entertainment Gwen has lined up after either Troy or I talk to her.”
I know damn well it will likely not be me, but I let the lie slide as I hang up the line so it doesn’t leave too many questions hanging in the open.
Looking up at Troy, I ask, “How do you feel about Nashville?”
He shrugs, “It’s got its perks. I’ve been through there a few times. Why?”
“Our partner there has made a mess of things while I’ve been gone. Michael is stopping through on his way here to let him go. He wants one of us to take over permanently after this.”
“And you don’t want it? I thought that was your baby. The first club you franchised. Your big bright idea.”
He’s right, but all that feels like a lifetime ago. I can’t think about Nashville when all I ever wanted is right here in this town, headed God only knows where after this, and taking our child with her. I haven’t spoken to her since that night at the club, and I kick myself daily for not reaching out to her. Especially when I know she’s carrying our life inside her. But whatever move I make next has to be big, huge. It has to finally tell her how much she means to me so she stops thinking I don’t care. So she knows I’m not going anywhere without her ever again.
Not when a future with her is all I’ve ever wanted. I’m not going to let anyone else have what’s mine. That includes both her and the baby.
“I might be tied up after this,” I shrug. “I need to keep myself open, and Michael wants answers. Noah is close by, so it’s not like you won’t know anyone. And I heard his sister Jolene is living in Nashville now. Although, for reasons I don’t completely know, we’re supposed to keep that fact hidden.”
“Jolene?” Troy asks as he sits up in his chair and appears to grow a little nervous. “God, I haven’t seen Jolene in years. Last I heard, she was married.”
“Has a kid, too,” I add. “I didn’t know you knew Jolene? She’s divorced now.” I swear the news makes the bastard perk up. Interesting. “The father is a piece of shit. Locked up somewhere for heroin. But her kid, Ana May, is fucking adorable.” I smile, thinking about Gwen and the child growing inside her I’ll luckily get to hold in my arms one day. “Kinda even makes me want one of my own someday.”
Troy laughs. “That’ll be the day. Rex Roberts settled down with a baby? Yeah right.”
“Fuck off,” I hiss out a little too harshly.
“Oh, I see,” Troy chuckles. “You know, to finally settle down, you’ve got to be willing to stand up for what you want, Rex. Fuck, don’t get me wrong, I’m one to talk. But my line of work always has me leaving the ones I love most, not knowing if I will return.” I glance up as his face grows somber. When he’s stateside, he works for us. But I know he’s lost more than any of us ever have in his line of duty as a Navy Seal in Afghanistan. “Are you telling me you finally have the balls to man up?” he asks.
I shoot him a glare. The bastard just smiles at me.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I mutter.
Troy stands and makes his way to the door.
“Listen, I see more than you think and hear more than I will ever admit. If you want to seal the deal, you’ve got to be willing to take a stand. Fuck, it takes balls of steel, and it’s something I don’t know if I can ever do myself. But if you don’t want anyone else to take that stand first and steal away what matters most in the world to you, you’ve got to make sure everyone knows who has your heart, that includes the woman you love and can’t live without.” He swallows hard, and I see heartache flash through his eyes. “Because hell, Rex, the girl worth waiting for, won’t wait forever.”
He turns quickly and stalks out of my office. Fuck, what got into him? I shake my head and attempt to straighten out my thoughts. I know what I have to do, what I should have done a long time ago. But trying to figure out how to take that stand and claim what I know I’ve always wanted is scary. Maybe I pushed her too far, and she’s okay with being on her own. Okay with walking away from what I always wanted, and taking my child with her.
I guess now I understand all the bullshit my father dealt with. The pull a woman can have on you even when you try to deny it. But unlike my mother, I know Gwen would never hurt me. I’ve just been too chicken-shit to admit it for fear of having to cave. To give into the way she makes me feel and surrender to this thing they call love. Fuck, there’s a four-letter word I never thought I’d give into.
I know I’ll never be able to live with myself knowing that someone else is enjoying what’s mine. If I let her go now, I’ll always know I screwed up by not just being a fucking man and having the balls to get on my knees and declare how much I fucking love her, need her.
She’s everything to me.
I pick up the pen sitting in front of me on my desk and twirl it between my fingers. What she needs - can I even give her that? Hell if I know, but I would be a fool not to try.
Picking up my phone, I dial without thinking and analyzing shit further. I wait as the line rings. Once, twice… I have no damn clue where to begin or how to work out this plan that is building, but it all starts with a leap of faith. And I damn sure am ready to finally jump.
“What do you need now, Rex?” Eva sighs as she picks up the line.
I laugh at her sass. “What makes you think I need anything? Can’t I just call a friend to say, ‘Hi?’”
She sighs. “Rex Roberts, you never call just to say ‘Hi.’ It’s either to bitch, moan, complain, or ask me for advice. So which one is it this time?”
