I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Honestly, I have no fucking clue what’s running through his head… maybe I never did.”
“I’m sure that’s not the case; you can’t just discard the last two mo—oh shit!”
“What?” I ask, worried something bad has happened to one of the football players.
“Nothing, I’m uh… I’m just getting another call through; can I call you over the weekend?”
“Yeah—”
I barely answer before he’s hung up; I let my phone drop to the floor beside me and glance up at the half-painted wall.
“I guess it’s just you and me,” I mutter, picking up the roller, hoping that it works as a distraction this time.
Diablo
The fact that he even answered my call is a miracle in itself, but to also suggest that he catch the early morning train to come and see me in person, that was way beyond my expectations for sure. This is something I need to say in person; I’d offered to go and see him at Winbrook, but I understand why he doesn’t want me there, especially not knowing what I have to say. I’m waiting impatiently in Miguel’s living room; his train should have arrived by now and I know it doesn’t take long to get a taxi.
“Mijo,” Mom says, nodding at my leg which I only just notice is shaking up and down.
“Sorry, I’m nervous.”
“I know, but he’s your brother, he’ll understand.”
I love that she’s confident, but shit, I’m not sure he will. After the way I spoke to him, the way I just left, I’m not sure he’ll want to understand. And even if he does, I’m not sure he’ll forgive me, I sure as hell don’t deserve it.
The doorbell rings and I jump up before Miguel even has a chance to move.
“Hey,” I say, happy to see Donovan standing there.
“Hey.” He looks at me warily and I step aside to let him in.
“Thanks for coming,” I say.
He just nods as he detours to hug Mom and Miguel. They exchange hushed words and they’re all smiling at eachother. I remember Elizabeth mentioning that him coming out to them went well; and after the talking to my mom gave me last night, I know she’s angry that my reaction was any different. After Mom lets him go, he turns to face me.
“You wanted to talk?” he asks.
“Yeah, shall we go sit outside?”
He doesn’t reply, instead walking past me and down the corridor. Mom gives me a hopeful look and Miguel just nods. I grab a couple of beers from the fridge on my way through and sit on the lounger opposite him.
“Here,” I say, offering him a beer.
“What do you want?” he asks, taking the bottle.
“To apologize, I was an asshole.”
He scoffs. “You’ve got that right.”
“Yeah. Look, I know there’s no excuse for the way I acted. It all just came as such a shock. I never in a million years would’ve thought that you might… you know.”
“If you can’t even say the fucking word, what are we doing here?”
“You’re right, you’re right,” I say, “it just never even crossed my mind that you might be gay. Honestly, I was probably too busy being subconsciously jealous thinking you were with Elizabeth to even notice anything.”
“The only reason I never corrected you is because I was terrified of you finding out the truth,” he says, “it was easier to just let you believe she was my girlfriend.”
