“What are you suggesting? You want me to talk to her?” I’m baffled and my words come out a bit harsh.
“Not necessarily. I just want you to get closure from that, Oak. In any way,” she explains and I breathe easier. “If that’s from talking to her or talking to someone else. But you can’t expect me to heal that part of you when you already know how I feel and that wound is still there.”
Fuck.
Her words, as true and hard to hear as they are, leave a bitter fucking taste in my mouth.
Because she isn’t wrong.
The whole entire reason why I can’t say those three words and why I can’t hear them back stems from Lana.
“You know how I feel about you, Grace,” I say to her with my eyes pouring the emotion. “You’re mine, I’m yours. There isn’t anyone else for me. There never will be. You were made for me.”
Leaning down she presses an opened mouth kiss to my lips that leaves me wanting more.
“I know,” she whispers against my lips. “You know I feel the exact same way.”
With her lips still pressed against mine we breathe each other in.
And with every breath it feels as if she’s granting me the peace I have always longed for.
But that peace becomes disrupted when she asks me, “How does Chris Townsend play in this?”
I immediately stiffen, my muscles becoming so tense I fear they may snap. “After I had confronted Crow I knew my life for me back at home wasn’t for me. People back there hero worshipped me and I couldn’t fucking stand it, not when I lost my brothers, not when I believed it to be my fault. And I couldn’t stay in a place where Lana was everywhere. So I found myself at Vipers MC. Sticks, he was welcoming. Intimidating but welcoming. I think he saw in my eyes that I was lost and had seen some shit. And like the father figure he was he took me under his wing.”
“I started out as a prospect, as we all do. When I came to Stonesville I had already been back home for four months. So when I was finally promoted to being a member I had been a prospect for a little over eight months. But that meant I was here, in Stonesville, a prospect to Vipers MC, on the first anniversary of my brother’s deaths. And I didn’t tell none of them about it which is why they kept their party that night for one of Stick’s childhood friends. I’m sure if I had told him he would’ve cancelled the whole thing. But I didn’t because I deserved to feel the pain of losing them, except that night I just wanted to forget.”
“So what happened?”
My fingers begin to twitch, her touch not able to stop them as the memories come flooding back like a nightmare before my eyes.
“My sister, Nora,” I swallow though my throat feels tight, “she came to visit me that week. She knew I wouldn’t come backhome despite her and mom begging me to visit them. You see, Miguel was very close with his mother. He joined The Marines because of her. Everything he did was for the love of his mother. So it felt wrong, unjust, to be around my mother who I loved so much. Miguel couldn’t be with his, why should I be able to spend time with mine?”
“Oak,” she whimpers and I can see the tears building behind her eyes.
I swallow again, glancing away from her eyes that hold empathy and compassion. “So Nora came to visit. She didn’t want me to be without family knowing the anniversary of their deaths was coming.” I smile sadly. “She has the biggest heart. Even though she’s my baby sister she was always looking out for me. Still does.”
“She loves you so much, Oak,” Grace tells me softly. “When we were talking all she wanted was for her big brother to be happy.”
“She wants me to be happy when I took her happiness away from her,” I say full of shame.
“What do you mean? Oak, I’m sure you didn’t do anything to take away her happiness.”
I laugh bitterly, my fingers increasing in tempo of their twitching. “But I did, Grace.” I then look at her and her brows are drawn in with confusion. “I failed my sister that night. Instead of protecting her, watching out for her, I got fucking plastered. I didn’t want to remember their deaths and for once I didn’t want to feel the pain. I got so plastered I blacked the fuck out. I got what I wanted but it came with a fucking cost. And that cost was Nora.”
“He didn’t, did he?” Grace murmurs horrified and heart broken.
My stomach churns as acid mixes in with the blood flowing through my veins. A taste so foul sits on my tongue and an anger so palpable rocks me hard like thunder.
“I didn’t protect herlikeI should have. I didn’t make her my first prioritylikeI should have.I wasn’t being her hero of a big brotherlike I should have,” I stress through clenched teeth and a tense jaw. “I failed her. And because I failed her Chris Townsend was able to get to her.”
“Oak.” My name is a heart broken whimper on her lips and I feel the pain in her voice.
“He was charming, too charming for his own good. Even had the good looks to lure the girls in and a smile that meant none stood a chance,” I spit out with disgust. “But he had a sickness. He didn’t like girls who gave into him willingly. No, the fucker liked to take. He liked having the girls fight him back. That’s what he got off on. And that’s what he fucking did with Nora.” Self hatred fills me as my body becomes as hard as ice.
Grace’s hold on my hand grows stronger as she tries to reach to me, but it doesn’t work. Not this time.
“The last I saw of Nora was her sitting outside by the bonfire. I thought she would be okay. She was at the Vipers MC club house. I thought she would be protected. But she wasn’t. She wandered off and he was there. He charmed her, used his looks as a weapon and pounced on her.” I can taste the bile in my mouth as I fight to say the next words. My voice sounds choked as I continue. “She fought him off as best as she could but he was stronger. He raped her, Grace. He fucking raped her and left her on the side of the road like she was nothing.” My voice is as cold as ice. “And if I wasn’t so fucking lost in grief and drowning in my own misery and guilt I could have prevented it. I could have saved her. It shouldn’t have happened.”
