I turn away, but she pulls at my face until there is nowhere else to look but at those eyes.
“Zadyn, look at me.Lookat me.”
I can’t help it. I look. Tears blur my vision as I pry her hands from my face.
“Please don’t torture me like this. Don’t offer me your body when I can’t have your heart.”
Unable to stand another second, I get to my feet and leave the room.?*
SPRING BREAK, PANAMA CITY 2016
A lamppost flickers overhead, twitching on and off in the quiet night.
I’m standing on a dock, leaning over the railing as the gentle waves of the inlet ebb and flow. A light, salt-kissed breeze skates over my bare arms and legs. I’m wearing clothes that don’t belonged to me. I’m wearing skinthat doesn’t belong to me either.
Serena brushes past like a whirling dervish, cross-faded off three-month-old weed and frozen margaritas.
“Doesn’t this look likeMamma Miato you?” she sings, arms outstretched as she drunkenly twirls around.
“Yeah, ifMamma Miawere set on a dive-y boardwalk in north Florida instead of Greece.”
“You don’t think this looks like that scene when they’re on the dock? Wait, there’s a bunch of scenes when they’re on the dock, but still—this definitely looks like it.”
She teeters on her feet as we near the end of the dock, and starts belting out the chorus of her favorite song, triggering a string of dog barks and slamming windows.
“Okay, Meryl.” I steady her. “Watch your step there. I’m not calling 911 if you fall in.”
“But I want to go in! The water looks like glass.” Her voice is filled with wonder, and I can’t help but smile. She turns to me, her expression intensely serious. “We have one item left on our list. And that is skinny dipping.”
Ah yes, the list we compiled on the never-ending bus ride from Manhattan to Panama City to make our spring break unforgettable. It was packed with silly, idiotic tasks like bull-riding and shotgunning beers and…skinny-dipping.
Serena thinks I’m wild. Free. The life of every party.
The truth is, I was never wild by nature.
Shemakes me wild. It’s the combination of us—fire and gasoline—that makes sparks. That could burn down cities if left unattended.
I watch her from a few feet back, staring out at the water, the moonlight turning her skin pearlescent. She turns to me, and I hope I have enough time to wipe that look off my face. The look of hopeless desire. The gaze of a man in hapless, stupid love.
But Serena doesn’t see a man when she looks at me. She sees a woman.
She has no idea that behind the exterior of her friend, Annie, a vivacious female with dirty blonde hair and a reckless smile, a woman I curated, there lies a stranger.
“This was your big idea.” She fixes me with a sharp stare, her hands glued to her hips. “You first.”
I laugh, shaking my head, and start to strip. I have nothing to be shy about. It’s not like she can see the real me—not with this glamour.
Stark naked under the moonlight, I run and leap off the abandoned dock, howling at the moon before landing inside the chilly water. As I come up for air, Serena lands with a loud splash. She bursts through the surface panting, an invigorated smile on her face.
“Holy shit, why is it so cold?!” Her laugh echoes down the dock.
“Coming from the girl who likes her baths boiling,” I tease, splashing her. She splashes me back.
I try not to stare. Try not to make it obvious the effort it takes not to let my gaze linger on her naked shoulders, the strip of skin above her breasts as she bobs up and down in the gentle waves. I try to forget that she’s only a foot away from me in nothing but her own skin.
But, fuck, it’s impossible.
I don’t know when it started or when it got this bad, but it’s become a cavity inside of me. A dull pain stretching into my gums, my blood, my roots. Constantly hurting. A need throughout my entire body not only to protect her and keep her safe, but to touch her. To hold her. To constantly be near her.
