“I told you I’m not getting married.” I turn away from him, hardening as I strip off my drenched jacket and sink into the living room couch.
“Not now or not ever?” He follows me and kneels at my feet,his hands on my knees. “We can do this. We can have this baby.”
“I don’t want it,” I snap. “I don’t want any of it. I don’t want this baby.”
Lies. Such terrible lies.
He pulls back an inch.
“You don’t want our baby?”
Of course I do,I want to scream. I want our baby, and I want you. Just not like this. Not when I am a shell of a person that you would tie yourself to out of obligation.
Instead, I respond with, “This is all hypothetical, anyway. I don’t even know if I’m pregnant, Jack. This could all be over nothing.”
“Well, you’re late, and both tests came back inconclusive. But I think we’re dealing with a bigger issue here, aren’t we?”
“Only the doctor is going to be able to tell for sure. They have to do a blood test.” I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand.
“And if it comes back that you are?” he presses. “What will you do?”
“I’ll do what I have to.”
“Why are you acting like you’re in this alone? Like I’m some insensitive fuck who doesn’t care if you keep it or not? I told you that I am in this.”
“You never wanted kids, Jack.”
“I do now. I want them with you.” He grips my knees tightly in his tattooed hands. I stare at them while he speaks into my face.
“I want to marry you. I told you the night we met that I would. Let me be here for you. Let me be in this with you.”
“You proposed because you thought I might be pregnant, Jack. Don’t deny it!” I say as he shouts over me, “That is not true!”
“Look at me and tell me you planned on proposing before you found out about this,” I challenge. He hesitates for a fraction of a second.
“Not right away, but I knew I wanted to marry you.”
I brush him off and get to my feet, running my hands down my face in frustration.
“My answer is no.”
“You love me,” he counters. I bite my lower lip and nod ruefully. “But you won’t marry me or have this baby. You know, we’re not kids anymore. This isn’t some random teen pregnancy. We’re adults. It’s a lot harder to justify making a mistake and then just erasing the evidence.”
“There it is!” I point at him. “Right there. This was a mistake to you. I knew it.”
“That isnothow I meant it, and you know it! We weren’t careful, and now we may be facing the consequences of our actions. But we’re old enough to take responsibility and deal with the circumstances.”
“A mistake,” I repeat, shaking my head.
“The only mistake here is sweeping it under the rug like it’s nothing. Refusing to be with me because of your own pride.”
“I don’t want to be a circumstance you just found yourself in the middle of!” I shout.
“You’re not now, and you never have been.Goddamnit!” he yells back, his deep voice echoing off the walls. Jack grips his hair at the roots and balls his fists.
“Why can’t you let me love you?” ?*
I say nothing.
