I quickly lose my nerve. It seemed like a good question to ask. Lauren makes me feel like a good man when I’m with her, but every time I think about the way we’re hiding our relationship, my brain tells me it’s because I’m not enough. I need to hear her assurance again.
Setting my cards facedown on the coffee table in frontof me, I explain. “I know I’m not known as a relationship guy, but here you are diving into one with me without asking any questions. I want to know what made you believe in me.”
“I see the good in you, even if you don’t see it yourself.” That right there is enough to send warmth to my chest.
“You’ve done so many things to make me feel loved and supported, and I trust in your actions more than your lack of experience with relationships. I’ve seen that desire in you to be a good man when you’ve offered me your jacket, sent me thoughtful good-mornings texts, or stepped in to help with the ranch. Nothing you’ve done has led me to believe you can’t be in a committed relationship if that’s what you want to do.”
Unsure how else to respond, I pick up my cards, throwing one down since I just skipped her turn. “Uno.”
Disappointment floods her face, but she quickly recovers as she hovers over me. “Hmmm, what color do you have in your hand there, Grinchie?”
Her voice drips with sweetness, and I know she’s trying to beat me at this game, but it does things to me anyway.
Refocusing, I say, “I’ll never tell.”
She studies me, carefully changing the blue six to a red six.
I toss my head back as I draw another ten cards until I get something I can play. “I hope you’re ready to be annihilated because I have some good ones now.”
I have literally no ammo to back my claim up, so on my next turn, I settle for playing a green card that’s the same number as the last one she played. At least that will make the color something I can play on again.
My plan gets blown to pieces when she puts down a color change card. “Red.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” I hate that the smug smile on her face is so cute. It makes it difficult to stay mad.
“Don’t make me do another dare. Your dares are lame.”
“Well, excuse me for being nice with my dares, unlike someone.” She places her hands on her hips.
“At least I actually do the things I’m dared to do.”
Pressing her lips in a firm line, she ignores my remark. “I dare you to tell me where your head is at with our physical relationship.”
“That feels like a truth to me.”
“It’s my dare. I get to pick how I want to use it.”
“Okay. What do you want to know?”
She bites her lip. “You’re known in town for sleeping around. I get that things are just starting between us, but I want to establish expectations before we get too far down the road.”
“That’s fair.” Again, I place my cards down and open my arms for her to crawl into. “I’m sorry we haven’t talked about it. I didn’t want you to feel pressured. You’re special to me, and I want to do things differently with you. I’d like the next physical steps in our relationship to mean something. I’ve never been in love with the girls I’ve been with. I told you you’re not just another girl to me, and I want to prove it.”
I rub her arm. “Don’t get me wrong, I can hardly keep my hands off you, but I want to make that moment special when it comes.”
“I’d like that.” She peels herself off me. “Now you’re going to have to try to keep your hands to yourself for a little while longer because you’ve still got a stack of cards left.”
“Maybe we can ditch the cards?”
“No way! You wouldn’t have said that if you were still about to win.”
“Maybe not.”
“It’s your turn.”
We go back and forth with no special cards for a little while. I guess I’m feeling nice. When I can’t keep it up any longer, I throw down a reverse card to flip the turn back to me and then change the color to yellow. “I’ll be nice to you and let you pick one. Truth or dare, Freckles?”
