I nod, and we both stand there, letting a heavy silence settle over us as Ms. Sanchez exits the bathroom and eyes us suspiciously.
In the quiet, my thoughts move at a million miles an hour. He’s right. I’ve been feeling guilty about how I handledthe situation. Some part of me always feels the need to fix things. It’s eaten away at me that I didn’t perfectly handle the situation, but maybe I shouldn’t look at today as a loss of control but me taking control back. Today could actually be a step in the right direction, whether I realized it or not.
I glance up at Jax to find his eyes are trained on me. There’s a spark there that makes me think the chemistry I’ve felt tonight is mutual, and the revelations of this evening make me want to do something about it. I want to stop holding back.
Stepping closer to him, I ask, “Did you really just dance with me to test your dance moves after all these years, or was there another reason?” Itdefinitelyfelt like something else.
He winces, remaining silent, which gives me all the space I need to analyze my actions from every angle.Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.It feels like things between us have shifted so quickly, and I don’t know what it would mean if we admitted we had feelings for one another.We can’t be a couple, can we? He’s my brother’s best friend.That feels like a line I shouldn’t cross. Not to mention I’m still healing. It’s been almost six months since ending things with Austin, but I’m still trying to figure out how to trust again. Jax has never once in the entire time I’ve known him been in a real relationship. It’s always been hookups and flings. I don’t want that for myself.
There are a million reasons I shouldn’t be with Jax, but I can’t bring myself to care enough about them. All I can focus on is the way he looks at me and how it feels when he touches me. He makes me believe I’m stronger, braver, and more worthy than I truly am, like maybe I actually can be as good as he sees me.
“Your question is kind of silly, don’t you think?” he murmurs.
“What do you mean?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
I shrug. “Not to me.”
“Of course I didn’t just come out there to try out my dance moves. I couldn’t care less about that, but I knew this lesson was important for you and your list. Your brother would’ve stepped in too.”
Disappointment floods me, even though I should probably be relieved right now. He’s looking out for me because of Charlie. This keeps things simpler, but there’s a large part of me screaming inside, saying maybe I don’t want simple.
Chapter Thirteen
Jax
“Thankgoodness for the holidays to finally get you to spend some time with us, huh?” Mom gives me a teasing smile as she sets down the hand mixer and wraps an arm around me.
“I’m trying to take on more responsibility at the bar. I told you it might take up a little more of my time.”
She arches a brow. “Don’t lie to your mother. I know you’ve been spending more time at Copper Hill than the bar.”
“Yeah, I like the work, and Lauren could really use the help.” I busy myself with grabbing plates and silverware to set the table. “With Austin gone now, the weight of running things has fallen on her. I know her parents help out as much as they can, but they were already helping before, so she’s still down a person.”
“That’s awfully nice of you.” Aunt Carol comes into the room, sitting at the kitchen island with a glass of water.
Mom joins her sister on the other barstool, and I eyethem suspiciously. “Why do I feel like you’re about to have an intervention?”
They exchange a glance and tilt their heads back in laughter.
“Yup, this definitely doesn’t feel right.” I glide to the dining room table, which is in the open area next to the kitchen.
“Oh, stop it!” Mom rolls her eyes. “We’re just trying to take advantage of our time together to see what’s going on in your life. I fed you, bathed you, and clothed you, and now I get nothing.”
“I did a lot of that too,” Aunt Carol chimes in.
“I hate it when you two gang up on me, which in case you haven’t noticed, isall the time.”I set a fork down. “And you wonder why I’m not here more often.”
“Just tell us what’s going on. It’s Thanksgiving. I want something to be thankful for.” Aunt Carol presses her hands together in a way that can only be described as diabolical.
“How about the turkey in the oven or the sides Mom spent all day prepping?”
“Come on!” Mom pleads. “We just want to know what you’ve been up to. Is something happening with you and Lauren?”
“You wish!” I scoff, but something on my face must be a giveaway because they devolve into giggles.
I roll my eyes, setting the last of the silverware on the table and disappearing into the living room to watch the end of the Cowboys game. There’s a part of me that wants to talk to them and get their advice, but the even bigger part knows better than to open that can of worms. Since I intervened at dance lessons the other night, things have been tense between Lauren and me. We’ve been tiptoeingaround one another, unsure how to act and desperately trying to get a read on one another.
