“I get it, buddy. She’ll be back.”
I stare intently at the numbers from last month, trying to rid my mind of Olivia with her earth-shattering smile and the contagious joy that has seemed to overcome her in the last couple of weeks as she’s settled into Roots. I’ve been so impressed with her ability to turn things around from how she started here. She was angry at the world and afraid of letting anyone in. She was anxious and stubborn. She’s still a little anxious sometimes and still definitely stubborn most times, but I love dealing with her stubbornness now, and I definitely didn’t when she first got here. MaybeI’mthe one who’s changed.
Okay, I’m horrible at keeping her off my mind.
She steps back out from the kitchen, and I can feel her presence before I even see her. That’s what she does to me. It’s all-consuming, and it’s terrifying.
“Okay, I have to run. Ladies’ Night this weekend, right, Callie?”
“Of course.”
“I’m so excited! They better play ‘Any Man of Mine.’ I’ve been practicing my dancing.”
“You remembered the name. I’m so proud! I can personally guarantee you they’ll play that song. If they don’t, I’ll take it up with Jax myself. Now get out of here! You said you had to leave right at two, and it’s 2:02 now.”
“Shoot! You’re right.” She calls goodbye to all of us, pressing a kiss between Maverick’s eyes.
I hardly have time to get out the first syllable of my goodbye before she’s rushing out the door, taking with her that warm and fuzzy feeling that was once filling the room.
At the slam of the door, Callie focuses on me, her hands on her hips. “So, care to tell me what’s going on?”
I sigh in exasperation. “We talked about this on the phone last night. I want to run through the numbers for the month, and I figure we might as well touch base on the fundraiser. I’m sure Olivia got you all up to speed on things today, but?—”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you and Olivia.”
I blink at her dumbly. “There’s nothing to discuss. She’s staying in my guest bedroom, and she’s Jack and Mandi’s daughter, so of course I’m friendly with her. We spend a lot of time together, but it’s mostly because of Maverick.”
“Yeah, the dog. Mmhmm.” She backhands my shoulder.
“Ow!” I instinctively start rubbing the spot she smacked. “What was that for?”
“I was hoping it’d help you be less of an idiot. Even some random person off the street would be able to see the sparks flying between you two. I haven’t seen you like this in a long time.” She pauses briefly as the weight of that statement settles over us, leaving me feeling nothing but guilt, but she catches me off guard with her next sentence. “It’s nice, really nice actually. It’s like watching my brother fall in love.”
I frown. She shouldn’t be happy for me. She has every right to be upset with me for feeling something for anyone besides her sister. “I don’t like Olivia in that way.” The words are not even remotely convincing.
“I know it might feel weird to talk with me about this, but I think I’m one of the people you need to hear it from the most. Isabel is gone. She’s been gone for four years. I know she was your fiancée, but I also know you’re not still in love with her, so why won’t you let yourself move on? What’s holding you back?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Then uncomplicate it, Rhett. You don’t owe Isabel anything but to allow yourself to move on and be happy. If Olivia is the one who is going to make you happy, then please, for the love of God, go after her.”
“You don’t understand. This isn’t just about Isabel. I mean it sort of is. It’s just that, I didn’t believe in love before your sister. She changed all of that, but now she’s gone, and I screwed things up before she died. Maybe love does exist for other people, but her death was proof thatIwill never be worthy of love.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I didn’t believe in love when I met Isabel. My parents didn’t give me a good example of it. They treated each other with such hatred both before and after they were divorced, so love always seemed like more of a fleeting feeling than anything to me, something shiny and exciting for the beginning of a relationship that turns dark after a while. I wanted nothing to do with it. Isabel came along and refused to let me believe that. She broke through my hard exterior, and I fell in love with her. Things were good for a while, but then we had the biggest fight of our relationship, and she died the same night.
“That’s when it started to click that maybe love just doesn’t work when I’m involved. My parents’ marriage fell apart after they had me. They disowned me and stopped loving me after I got engaged to Isabel. Then I argue with my fiancé, and she dies. There’s one common denominator in all those things I just told you. Me. I’m just not meant to have love in my life. I’ve accepted it.”
Callie furrows her brow, reaching out to me. “You know that you’re not out of chances when it comes to love, right? Just because your family fell apart and you lost your fiancé... okay, that does sound bad, but it’s not the end for you. You have to get back up and keep trying. If you let every bad thing in your life knock you down?—”
“Callie, please don’t.”
“No, you need to hear this.”
“Even if everything you’re saying is true, I don’t trust myself anymore. I just seem to hurt the people I love.”
I push out from the table, grabbing Maverick’s leash and giving it a gentle tug so he’ll follow me out.
