“The Best Day” by Taylor Swift trickles through the speaker of my phone, indicating a call from my mom. I take one more deep breath, trying to recenter myself, and then answer.
“Hi, sweetie! I just wanted to check in with you. We’re still on for dinner tomorrow night after your appointment, right?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, great. I think I’ll invite Rhett too.”
“Sure, sounds great!” I wince. The words came out a little too eager. I hope she didn’t notice.
“What are you up to right now? Is everything going okay? I’m sure you must be bored with your dad and I both being at work, and then I have my church group meeting tonight. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. Um, I just got an email from Madeline, my coach.”
“Oh, why is she emailing you when you’re on leave? Isn’t there some sort of policy against sending you emails?”
I shrug as if she can see me. “I don’t know. I don’t remember seeing anything in the paperwork. It’s not like she was asking me to come back early or do taxes.”
“Then what did she want?”
I quickly fill her in on the email, bringing back that nagging weight.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, Ol! You can still make it to senior! Your dad will besoproud. You know how bummed he was that he had to leave his firm just before promotion.”
“Yes, I remember the story. I’m excited about it.” I try to force my tone to sound light, hiding the way my mind is currently swirling with overwhelm. “Aren’t you supposed to be working right now, Mom? I can let you go.”
“Yes, I am, but that’s okay. You know what, I can blow off my meeting this afternoon and come hang out with you. We could go shopping and get some ice cream or something. Oh, that’d be so fun!”
“What meeting?” Panic inflates in my chest. “No, don’t blow off your meeting for me. I promise I can entertain myself.”
“It’s no big deal at all.”
The panic continues to rise, and I desperately try to breathe through my nose to keep from going over the edge. She’s not going to blow off something important for me again. I won’t allow it.
“Don’t leave work early! I’m fine. Just stay there, and I’ll see you tomorrow. You have your life now. I’m okay with that. You don’t need to change all your plans for me.I’m fine.”
“Okay, okay. I get the message. I’ll text you later and see you tomorrow then. Kisses!”
“Bye.”
I hang up the phone and toss it on the couch as my mind spirals out of control. I’m overwhelmed. First, I had these feelings of wanting to explore my life in Roots and not go back to my job. Then, Mom has to go and remind me exactly why I can’t give up what I’ve built over the last few years. She nearly bailed on her meeting just to make sure I’m notbored.She’s relentless. I don’t know what more I could do to keep her happy and make sure she and my dad are living their own lives.
Figuring I just need to distract myself, I force myself into the kitchen, grabbing a loaf of bread and the jars of peanut butter and jelly.I’m making a sandwich. I’m focused on the sandwich.I grab a knife from the drawer and stick it into the jar of peanut butter, taking out a heaping glob.
I’m making a sandwich. I’m making a sandwich.It almost works, until my thoughts completely take over again.
I just don’t know what to do with my parents anymore. It’s like everything I do is for nothing. All my hard work to keep them happy is a waste. I’m making myself miserable, and it’s still not working. I need to try harder. As my thoughts grow further and further out of control, so does my breathing.
I know what comes next. Tears slither down my cheeks, and my palms grow clammy. The jar of jelly in my hand slips from my grip and shatters on the floor. Maverick leaps up to his feet at the sound. I want to apologize and comfort him, but instead, I gasp for air and crawl to the guest bedroom, where I curl into a ball, wanting this pain and all my spiraling thoughts to just stop.
Maverick comes over to me and lays his head in my lap. I thank God he’s shown no interest in human food since he came home, considering the mess I just made.
My ragged breaths continue as I curl tighter into a ball. I don’t know what to do.
ChapterFifteen
Rhett
I gotoff work a little early today, and I can’t shake my excitement over the fact that I’ll get to spend more time with Olivia. Most nights when I get home, we cook a late dinner and head to bed maybe an hour later. Today, we should have more time together.
