Isla frowned, confused. “I’m sorry, Lorna, but I still dinnae ken what you’re trying tae say.”
“I only mean tae say, my dear, that men’s emotions can be tricky things,” Lorna clarified. “In a way, they’re like defective cannons… they may be pointed in one direction, but upon firing, they might well explode back upon the person wielding them. What Alex feels is the pain of jealousy, for he has always been the sort who is hurt when he feels as though someone else has made sport of something that rightly belongs tae him. …Which is a mindset that, in and of itself, presents a problem, admittedly,” she added quickly. “But the fact remains that since he cannot show pain, he must instead rely on anger, as so many men do when afraid of being seen as vulnerable.”
“Then… you mean tae say that he is not truly angry with me?” Isla inquired.
“In a way, aye,” Lorna replied. “You must also understand that, having failed once at betrothal, Alex feels a deep and terrible fear that he will do so again… thus displeasing both his father and his people.”
“And so once again, he cannot show fear, and therefore must display rage instead?” Isla felt as though she was beginning to catch on now.
Lorna nodded. “Precisely. In this life, Isla, when a woman has done nothing tae provoke a man’s ire yet feels the sting of itanyway, she must always search for the true emotion behind it. And in doing so, she must react to that emotion, not the fury that masks it.”
“How enormously frustrating!” Isla exclaimed. “Why must this be our task? Why are we not allowed to simply respond to the emotion directed at us, instead of laboring so vigorously to decode it in order to spare a man’s feelings?”
Lorna sighed wistfully, putting a sympathetic hand on Isla’s shoulder. “Would that it were so. But alas, that is simply not the world we women find ourselves in. Men are the weaker sex in truth, Isla, though they’d never admit tae it. ‘Tis our responsibility tae guide them, and tae shield them… from themselves, more than anything else. I believe you tae be a smart and capable woman, Isla. And a strong one, too, for having held this secret for so long… and for telling it tae Alex, when you could just as easily have kept it from him the rest of your days together. I have every certainty that you shall make this marriage work if you have a mind to.” She raised an eyebrow. “Do you? Because if you do not, that too would be understandable. Perhaps we could smuggle you out of the castle in the back of a turnip cart.”
Isla laughed. “Nay, I do want to do my best with Alex. Thank you for your insights, Lorna. They’ve been invaluable.”
Lorna shrugged. “We are tae be family soon, my dear. As such, I’ll gladly be a sister to you whenever required. All you ever need do is ask. Now… do you feel as though you’ve lingered in your room enough for one week? For I can tell you that Alex is in his study, if you wish tae attempt tae make peace with him.”
“I suppose I ought to, now that I’m armed with new information.” Isla stood and embraced Lorna. “I’ve never had a sister. I’m delighted tae have one now.”
Lorna returned the hug—a trifle stiffly—then gestured toward the door.
Sure enough, Isla found the door to Alex’s study ajar. She peeked in and saw that he was sitting at his desk, staring at several documents which appeared to be of great importance. However, from the glassy look in his eyes, it seemed as though he was not truly focused upon them.
Isla hesitated, wondering if it might be more prudent to try to catch him in a better mood. But she knew that every moment she spent delaying would be a moment of miserable uncertainty for her, and she decided she’d had quite enough of that. As Lorna had said, no more lurking in her room like a sullen spider, no more avoidance—she was strong and capable, and she would see this through to the end, whatever it took.
She steeled herself, then pushed the door open the rest of the way.
Alex saw her and stood immediately. He no longer looked angry—if anything, there was a sheepish look in his eyes. “Lady Isla. I am pleased tae see you. I… had hoped we might find occasion tae speak again today.”
“Did you have a bit more yelling you wished tae accomplish, then?” she asked wryly. She’d given a great deal of thought to Lorna’s words on the way to the study, and had decided that making light of the situation might be the best way to defuse it.
“No, none,” he answered with a guilty smile. “That is to say… I know that what transpired between you and that other fellow ought not affect our union in the slightest, as long as it remains secret. My rage was misplaced, I see that now. And in recognizing and admitting it, my lady, I humbly beg your forgiveness.”
“I know how difficult it is for a proud man such as yourself tae ask it of me,” Isla replied diplomatically, “and so it is granted, certainly.”
He sighed. “The truth of it is that I… care for you. Far more deeply than I had expected to when our marriage wasfirst arranged. I had initially believed this would be a mere transaction on our part, a convenient way to secure the future of my clan. And yours as well, for that matter. I was not prepared to desire you as I do, and so when I learned of your past, I was disappointed and handled it poorly. To say the least.”
The more she listened to him, the more Isla found herself impressed by his ability to see reason—although belated—and come to terms with his true feelings. She felt hope rise slowly within her again, like a marsh bird whose wings were weighted by the mud yet remained determined to take flight.
“It takes a strong man to admit such things, even to himself,” she told him. She remembered what Lorna had said, and decided that encouraging him to see his vulnerability as strength might encourage him to continue to do so in the future. “And I am heartened, hearing how you care about me. Do you believe that you can put my previous actions aside, and marry me in spite of them?”
He took an awkward step toward her, then another. She saw the gleam of affection in his eyes, and it drew her like a moth to a flame. She found herself moving toward him as well.
“On the contrary,” he said, his hoarse voice barely above a whisper. “Not in spite of them. Rather, I wish to marry you because of the courage you showed in revealing them to me, when you could have kept them concealed instead. So long as you remain mine alone for the rest of our lives together, Lady Isla, then there is nothing I want more in the world than to marry you.”
Isla’s heart quivered in her breast as she allowed him to throw his strong arms around her. Her frame pressed against his, and when their lips met, it was as though some beautiful bolt of lightning struck them both at once. Their bodies stiffened reflexively, the hair on their arms stood up, and their veins seemed to be filled with crackling wildfire. She held him tightly,drawing strength from him, wishing and hoping for a lifetime and more of these tender embraces.
It was difficult for her to force herself to let go, but eventually, she knew that she had to, for it she did not, her resolve would fail, and she would no longer be able to wait until the wedding night to claim him. And was it not that very lack of self-control that had gotten her into trouble in the first place?
So, after several more moments of bliss, she pulled away with a soft smile, stroked his hair… and then turned and went up to her chamber, feeling at last as though all was well.
16
Sleep.
Sweet, deep, restful sleep.
