Her words kept ringing in his ears… not her confession, oddly enough, but what she’d insisted after: That no one else would need to know, and therefore, it need not be a concern.
He found himself wishing he could cling to that, like a shipwrecked man holding fast to a broken piece of his vessel upon a stormy sea.
As it turned out, he could not.
For his mind kept putting on a series of horrid shadow-plays, featuring this “Kenneth” in dozens of different manly shapes, cruelly consuming the innocence of the lass Alex had come to care for.
How could he stand for that? How could he pretend such a thing had never transpired?
She hadn’t been wrong in pointing out that there was too much at stake for such a courtship to be sundered lightly. There could well be grievous consequences. Indeed, doing so might severely limit his ability to find another suitable noblewoman to woo, for by that point he could be branded as simply too difficult for most women of that station to bother with. Too rigid in his quest for perfection, too eager to find flaws and therefore excuses not to marry.
His advisors had told him that such assumptions were being made in many a castle and manor already.
The Oliphant Clan could not long suffer stagnation. It had to grow under his leadership, or he would be seen as a failed laird, especially when compared to his father’s previous aggressive course of expansion.
And in the end, that was what weighed upon him the most, wasn’t it?
His father was little more than a spiteful wraith haunting the upper levels of the castle, and had nothing to do with the affairs of running the clan since his ill health had forced him to cede leadership to Alex. Yet, even so, Alex found himself haunted by the specter of that man’s sneering disapproval. He’d insisted to himself that he would not be like the old man, that his rule wouldbe different, that he would be a different sort of laird—and man—entirely.
The need to please Douglas still lurked within Alex, though, like a crocodile beneath still water. Waiting to lash out and strike when least expected.
His father would never have settled for a woman who had previously been with another man, and Alex knew it. If Douglas ever did learn the truth, Alex found that the prospect of the old man’s reaction was enough to make him physically sick. And even if this unpleasant secret never came out publicly, there was still some part of Alex that insisted Douglas would somehow come to know of it anyway. He was crafty, even when he was ailing.
Crafty, aye, and merciless in his disapproval.
“You appear tae have been turned tae stone,” a jovial voice spoke up behind him. “Is there some mythical beastie slithering about the place, that makes statues of men with its fiendish glare? Ought I call out the guardsmen, and have them peek ‘round corners with bits of glass tae protect themselves?”
The voice belonged to Bryan, and though he wore his customary easy grin, there was a hint of genuine concern lurking beneath it.
“Have I been standing here a while, then?” Alex asked somewhat sheepishly, turning to face him.
“Long enough tae tell me that something heavy weighs upon your mind,” Bryan replied. “Perhaps you’d care tae share your burden, and lessen it in doing so?”
Alex began to conjure some excuse so that he would not have to reveal the dreadful thing he’d just been told. But as he opened his mouth to prevaricate, he found that the awful truth came tumbling out instead before he could stop it: “Lady Isla has just told me that she has previously been with another man. She will not be pure for our wedding night, as it happens.”
He supposed he should not have been quite so taken aback by his own admission. Bryan had always been a dear friend to him, and a great source of comfort during those rare times when Alex was willing to concede that he required such support.
Nevertheless, he expected more of a reaction from Bryan. Instead, the captain of his guard remained largely expressionless, though an eyebrow twitched upward mildly. “I can imagine how enraged and betrayed you must feel at having been told such a thing,” he said quietly.
“Of course!” Alex hissed. “To have been misled so grievously! The absolute insult of it, that she would expect me tae continue with the betrothal knowing that she has been ruined…”
“You may note,” Bryan went on dryly, “that I didnae claim you wererighttae feel such things. Merely that, knowing you as I do, it is tae be expected.”
Alex balked. “How can you say that my reaction is improper, when confronted with such scandal!”
“Firstly, it shall be no ‘scandal’ unless either you or she speak of it tae anyone else, for I know I certainly shan’t,” Bryan pointed out. “Second, do you honestly believe you are the first man in your position who has made allowances for such things? They happen far more frequently than you might assume. Human nature is a powerful thing, especially at a younger and more curious age.”
“That might be all well and good for the lairds of other clans,” Alex insisted, “but we are Oliphants. We are meant to hold ourselves to higher standards.”
“And we do, and always have, in all the ways thatgenuinely matter,” Bryan countered. “This is a trivial thing indeed, and I do not believe you will undo such a crucial union between our clan and the MacDonells over it. You have often said that in order to thrive, we must improve our prospects significantly. This is the chance to do precisely that, and to dismantle it inthe name of your own pride would be silly… for without any real threat of such a secret becoming common knowledge, that is the only reason left to you.”
“How can I have a wife who has been made sport of by another man?” Alex challenged. “How am I meant tae look upon her day after day and feel anything but disappointment?”
“By working tae overcome it,” Bryan answered simply. “By understanding that some things are more important.”
But Alex remained uncertain of whether he could bring himself to do that. These thoughts continued to plague him for the rest of the day, and all through the night that followed.
14
