Another night without sleep, and Isla MacDonell was beginning to feel her grasp on reality slipping away like silk through her fingers.
How much more could she reasonably be expected to endure before succumbing to madness?
Or was she plummeting down that dark hole already?
She hoped not, but she couldn’t be sure. The more she tried to make sense of everything around her—of Alex’s actions, or even her own—the less any of it seemed to fit together. Why had she even agreed to come to Castle Oliphant in the first place? How had her father convinced her to put herself up as collateral for a union between their clans, when that had been the last thing she’d wanted? Could she not have somehow remained firm in her convictions and refused to be bartered off by her parents?
How, indeed, could she have allowed herself to expect any outcome other than the one she was currently mired in?
Whoever her mother and father chose as her groom-to-be would still have eventually learned her secret, and roundly rejected her for it. Somehow, though, she found herself at the mercy of anexceptionallyrigid and particular sort of fellow inthis case—one whose anger and scorn upon hearing of it was likely twice what she would have endured from another man.
Had she done the wrong thing in telling him? It had seemed so necessary at the time, if she was to have any hope at all of a happy life with her husband… to embark on such a relationship in the spirit of honesty and forthrightness, rather than sully it with falsehoods from the very start.
Now the gesture felt utterly worthless, as though she had wasted her one chance at a happy marriage with him in the name of her own trivial crisis of conscience.
And what might happen next? If he truly meant what he’d said about their betrothal being over, then it seemed the next logical thing to expect would be for him to send her away, back to MacDonell Manor… in shame and disgrace, for why would Laird Alex bother to hide what she had told him, especially given the rage it had provoked in him? He would have no reason to conceal such a thing in order to protect her reputation. If anything, he would have every reason to see her good name dragged through the mud, for had he not accused her of very nearly doing something similar to him?
No, based on the blazing fury that had been in his eyes, she had no reason to believe he would be anything but merciless in his retribution. Her secret would be laid bare. Her parents would be ashamed of her, and perhaps even disown her. She would never find another man of any account who would be willing to wed her, knowing that she had lain with someone before and that she’d been prepared to lie about it to her groom-to-be.
She would be alone, a miserable pariah for the rest of her life.
Isla briefly contemplated fleeing the castle altogether—striking out on her own, with a new name and identity. Perhaps she could make her way somehow, working in a tavern or simply existing in the woods like some hermit or forest-dwelling impfrom a storybook. Surely any prospect would be preferable to the ignominy of returning to her clan in disgrace.
But the more she allowed herself to consider her options, the less she was able to make herself believe that she’d have any future out there on her own. She was accustomed to a life of privilege, and knew she would be an easy target for a harsh and unforgiving world if she struck out on her own.
She would have no choice, she supposed, but to wait and endure whatever torments awaited her.
So she sat on the edge of her bed for several hours, breathing deeply, willing herself to dress and face whatever frightful consequences were awaiting her outside the door. Moira knocked lightly once during that time, offering breakfast, but when Isla sent her away, she left without protest.
At last, Isla selected an outfit for the day, donned it, and went to face the laird’s wrath.
She had little doubt that she would encounter him soon enough, and within less than half an hour, she found him wandering the halls darkly. When his stormy gaze fell upon her, she flinched, as though preparing to be struck. Still, she allowed him to draw nearer, bracing herself for another tirade.
“We have more to discuss, it seems, following your… admission,” he rumbled.
“Such as the terms of my immediate expulsion from this place, I expect?” she retorted. “And the level of humiliation I ought tae expect from you, as recompense for my ill-advised honesty? I could have simply kept it tae myself, you know, and made our wedding a lie. My gravest mistake, it seems, was choosing to listen to my conscience when the doing of it served me not at all.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Thatwas your gravest mistake, in your estimation?”
Isla sighed, already growing impatient with this exchange, wishing they could simply skip ahead to the worst of it, and have it over with. “If that is your smug way of saying I ought tae regret the brief—but nonetheless grievous—recklessness of my youth, I’ll nae disagree with that. If I had tae do it over again, I’d have made different choices so that we would not find ourselves in our current predicament. But since I cannae go back and change my past, I do not see much use in lashing myself tae ribbons over it for your edification. What is done is done. All that is left tae us is tae discuss what will happen next.”
Alex cleared his throat uncomfortably. It suddenly occurred to Isla that he seemed more anxious than angry, and she did not know what to make of that.
When he spoke again, his words surprised her. “Do you still wish for this alliance between our clans?”
“Aye,” she answered without hesitation, wondering where this might lead.
He took a deep breath. “Then I believe it ought to go forward… so long as this inconvenient chapter of your past remains concealed.”
“It shall,” she assured him, beginning to feel a spark of hope. Had he reconsidered, and decided that his initial reaction had been disproportionate?
Had his desire for her outweighed his anger? Was that why he still wished to be her husband, even after the terrible fight they’d had the day before?
“I mean it,” he warned. “You must tell no one, you must not even hint at it… and most of all, you must be able to provide assurances that the…personyou were with previously will remain silent on the matter as well.”
“Kenneth is a good man,” she insisted. “He has held this secret close for a long time, and he cares greatly about my well-being. He would never reveal it to anyone, you have my word.”
In saying these things, Isla had been certain that Alex would be pleased, not to mention relieved.
