"You don't understand what you're asking." I take another turn onto a side street lined with houses where most of the Christmas lights are already off for the night. "You really want to spend every day looking over your shoulder?"
"What I want is to be with you." She turns in her seat to face me fully, and I can see anger and hurt warring in her expression. "What I want is to not lose the one person who's stood by me through all of this. You talk about keeping me safe by pushing me away, but all you're really doing is deciding my future without asking what I want."
"I'm trying to protect you." I grit the words out through my teeth as I slow the truck and pull to the curb on a residential street where darkness provides cover. "I'm trying to make sure you survive this and have a chance at a normal life after Bryan goes down. Why is that so difficult for you to accept?"
"Because I don't want a normal life without you in it." Her chest is heaving and I know if it were light enough to see, I'd find there are tears in her eyes. Those words feel like a slap in the face to everything I truly want deep down and I hate myself for ever making her feel like she isn’t wanted. Because fuck, do I want her, more than anything I've ever wanted in my life before. I just want her to be safe, and I can't make the two line up.
I don't mean to spit venom at her, but I'm too emotional. "I don't wanna push you away. I love you, idiot." Now I'm heaving for breath, upset and on the verge of smashing something.
It's not how I wanted this to go. And that's not how you're supposed to tell someone you love them. But it's out there and I can't take it back.
Sabine stares at me with wide eyes, and as my eyes adjust to the darkness I see the shock on her expression. I turn away and grip the steering wheel harder, cursing myself for losing control and snapping.
"You love me?" she asks quietly, tasting the words. "You love me and your solution is to leave me?"
"I don’t know, okay?" I can't even look at her. She's my weakness. She ruins the backbone I spent twenty years growing. "Even if that means I have to walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to me."
I hear her unbuckle her seatbelt and sense movement in the darkness, but I don't turn to look at her until I feel her hands on my face forcing me to meet her eyes. She's climbed across the center console and maneuvers until her body straddles mine tightly.
"I love you too," she whispers, but she doesn’t let me get a word in. "You are not pushing me away. I'm a trained soldier. I know the risk, and I’m taking what I want. And what I want is you."
"Sabine." My grumble is a plea and a warning. "You don't know what you're agreeing to."
"I know exactly what I'm agreeing to." She leans forward until her forehead rests against mine, and I can feel her breath warm against my lips. "We do this together or not at all, and then I'll just be in prison. You don't want that, do you?"
"God, woman, you're killin' me."
"No, I'm saving you… and I'm resurrecting you." When her lips brush mine, I can't stop her.
The kiss is desperate and consuming, all the fear and adrenaline and emotion from tonight pouring into the connection between us. My hands come up to grip her waist and I kiss her back with an intensity that surprises me. All the careful control I have maintained for weeks shatters under the weight of what I feel for her.
Her mouth crashes against mine again, harder this time, and I groan into the kiss as her tongue slides along mine. My hands tighten on her waist, pulling her closer until she’s pressed fully against my chest. She rocks her hips, grinding down on my lap, and the friction makes me throb painfully against the confines of my jeans.
I break the kiss only long enough to mutter, “Sabine,” but she silences me with another deep kiss, her fingers threading through my hair and tugging just enough to sting.
My palms slide down to her ass, gripping her, guiding her to roll against me again. She gasps into my mouth, and I swallow the sound, kissing her deeper, slower, trying to pour everything I can’t say into the way our lips move together.
One of her hands leaves my hair and trails down my chest, over my stomach, until she reaches my belt. I feel her fingers work the buckle open, then the button and zipper. She doesn’t ask. she just reaches inside and wraps her hand around me and starts stroking. I hiss against her lips as she strokes.
“I need you,” she whispers against my mouth before she kisses me again.
I don’t argue. My hands slide to the button of her pants, popping it open, then tugging the zipper down. The tight space behind the steering wheel makes it impossible to pull them off while she’s straddling me, so I give her hip a gentle squeeze.
“Stand up a second,” I mutter against her lips.
She nods, understanding immediately, then rises carefully, knees bent, head ducked to avoid the cab roof. The position is cramped, but her pants are already loosened around her hips. I hook my fingers into the waistband and shimmy her pants and underwear down in one motion, past her thighs, over her knees, until they puddle at her ankles. She steps out of them quickly, kicking them aside onto the floorboard, leaving her bare from the waist down.
Then she straddles me again, rising on her knees, as I free myself fully for her. The cool air hits my skin for only a second before her hand guides me to her entrance. She’s already wet, and the feel of her slick heat against the head of my cock draws a growl from my throat.
Sabine sinks slowly, taking me inch by inch. We both exhale shakily as she seats herself fully,
Then she starts to move. Her hips roll in a slow circle first, grinding her clit against me, and I groan low in my throat. My hands grip her ass again, helping her find a rhythm that pleases both of us. The truck cab is filled with the sounds of our breathing, the creak of the seat, the wet slide of her body taking mine.
She kisses me again in a messy and open-mouthed tangle of tongues, swallowing my groans as she rides me harder. I thrust up to meet her, careful of the horn button behind her but unableto hold back. Every time she sinks down, she clenches around me, and it takes everything not to lose control too soon.
Her hands brace on my shoulders and I slide one hand up her back, under her shirt, palm flat against her bare skin, holding her close. The other stays on her hip, guiding but not controlling—she’s the one setting the pace, taking what she needs.
“Jace, fuck,” she breathes against my lips.
