I answer by thrusting deeper, angling my hips so I hit that spot inside her that makes her gasp and shudder. She drops her head to my neck, teeth grazing my skin as she rides me harder, chasing the edge.
I’m close, the heat and tightness of her walls pushing me toward release, but I hold on, wanting to feel her fall apart first. My thumb finds the place where we’re joined, circling her clit in tight, steady strokes.
She moans my name again, louder this time, body tightening around me as she starts to come undone. Her body goes rigid for a split second, then the climax hits her fully. She buries her face harder against my neck, muffling a sharp cry as her walls pulse around me in tight, rhythmic waves. Each clench drags a shudder through her, and I feel her nails bite into my shoulders while her hips jerk uncontrollably against mine.
I keep circling her clit, lighter now, drawing the pleasure out until she’s trembling and gasping for air. Her breath is hot and ragged against my skin, little whimpers escaping with every aftershock that ripples through her.
Only when she starts to sag against me, do I let myself go. The feel of her still fluttering around me is too much. I grip her hips tighter, thrusting upward hard, and then bury myself to the hilt.I come with a low groan, pumping inside her again and again, filling her as my hips jerk. The release feels endless, every throb pulling another rough sound from my throat and I hold her close, arms locked around her back, keeping her pressed to my chest while the last waves fade.
We stay like that, breathing hard, sweat cooling on our skin as the air starts to chill and frost the windows that are fogged heavily from our steamy breathing. Her forehead rests against mine, and I can feel her heartbeat racing against my chest. Slowly, her hands loosen their grip on my shoulders and slide up to cup my face.
She kisses me softly, almost lazily, lips brushing mine in small, lingering presses. I return each one, tasting salty tears I can't even see in this darkness. My hands stroke slow paths up and down her bare thighs and hips.
“I love you,” she whispers again in a voice so raw it almost breaks me.
I swallow hard, thumb tracing her cheek. “I love you too, okay? And I don't want to push you away. I want to keep you."
She shifts slightly, still seated on me, and we both hiss at the sensitivity. Neither of us moves to separate yet. The windows are fogged, the street outside silent and dark. For now, it’s just us—together, exactly where we’re supposed to be.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then let my hand settle at the nape of her neck, holding her gently as she nestles closer, head on my shoulder, arms wrapping around me.
I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.
I've done many things in my life—seen forty-seven different countries, lived in twelve states, built an empire with a man who now wants me dead, colluded with foreign forces to assassinate dignitaries, and hunted down more lives than I can remember. But I've never had to care for or love a woman, and it terrifies me.
But this damn woman is so determined to keep me and not let me go, I don't think I get a choice.
And I don't think I want one, either.
26
SABINE
The sky begins to lighten along the eastern horizon when I wake with a stiff neck and Jace's arm draped across my shoulders. We slept in the truck after the confession and the kiss and the promise to stay together, and now the cold has seeped through into the truck until my breath fogs in the air. It's almost Christmas, just a few days left, and this year, it feels so far away from reality that I almost can't believe it.
There’s no holiday magic or festive spirit. Only the heavy knowledge of what I have to do. I can't keep running. The only way to get my evidence to the people who can do something about it is to turn myself in and let them decide my fate. If I tell Jace that, he'll get angry because of my tantrum about being pushed away last night. But it's the way forward.
I have to go to Defense and turn myself and my evidence over to them, and they'll decide whether I'm guilty or not. Best-case scenario is that they'll give me a slap on the wrist and strip my security clearance, maybe a demotion or some sort of punishment. Worst-case scenario is a long, hard stint inLeavenworth far, far away from the man I've come to love more dearly than my own life.
The roadside park is empty except for us. Jace drove us here last night after our discussion because it's safer than parking on a city street in plain sight. I slip out quietly and move away from the truck until I find a spot behind a cluster of evergreens where I can relieve myself with some semblance of privacy. The cold makes the process miserable, and by the time I finish my hands are numb despite being shoved deep in my jacket pockets. Men have it so easy when it comes to urinating outside. But I keep my grumbles to myself and try to keep myself as modest as possible.
A wooden bench sits near the edge of the park overlooking a small pond that has frozen solid, and I settle onto it with my burner phone clutched in my hands. The number for my mother's cell phone is one of the few I have memorized. No one memorizes phone numbers anymore. We just program them into our phones and press a button when it’s time to call. But I'm thankful her number has never changed and I dial it because I need to hear her voice.
"Hello?" She sounds wary, probably because she doesn’t recognize the number calling her at this hour.
"Mom, it's me—Sabine." My voice has a tremor in it, and I have to swallow hard to keep myself from crying.
She gasps after a second to catch up to what I'm saying. "Sabine? Oh, my God, where are you? Are you safe? The military has been calling asking if I've heard from you, and the news says you are wanted in connection with murders. Baby, what's happening?"
Tears burn behind my eyes and I blink them back furiously. "I'm safe right now, Mom. I'm with someone who's helping me,someone good. But I need you to know I didn’t do what they’re saying."
"Tell me, honey." My mom is a saint, and she always has been. Just hearing her voice makes me feel safer.
I take a deep breath and begin with Afghanistan, explaining the unauthorized mission and how Captain Bryan broke protocol to chase glory. Mom listens without interrupting, though she mutters a few phrases of shock. Then I tell her about the rape and how my own CO covered it up along with men who were supposed to protect me, and it feels like I'm swallowing glass. It's painful to relive this all again and to tell someone so close to me, but I need her to know.
My mother's sobs interrupt my explanation, and I hear her trying to muffle the sound with her hand. "Baby, I'm so sorry that happened to you and that nobody protected you the way they should have. Why didn't you tell me? Why'd you keep this to yourself?"
"Because I didn’t want you to worry. I thought I could handle it on my own…" I don’t know why I kept silent for so long. If I'd have gone right to the medics they could’ve done a field rape test. I'd have nailed him right then and there, but I was ashamed. And I believed him when he said he'd ruin my career.
