How could it be that this, the most natural and innocent of rituals between lovers, was declared ungodly that this was the only time he'd ever felt the most human and most pure? At that moment they had no ruling masters and were slaves to their hearts.
And as skin brushed skin, unwanted fabrics were discarded on the floor and paint was everywherebuta canvas, they made love into the night and as they found completion within each other it was certain that even if it was only for a night, or a fleeting moment, Jace had truly loved him.
They were fighting that day, they were always fighting those days. Ever since River had given him the ultimatum, accept me as your own by everyone or not at all. Jace was in the driver's seat and River couldn't- wouldn't stop persisting.
"I can't be your secret anymore." River declared sternly,
"You don't understand what it's like for me, I love you River I do but I'm not ready for that yet." Jace retorted pressing his foot on the peddle,
"I think I am though, and I need you to-" River paused, he wasn't sure of this but it had to be said, he didn't know if he could bring himself to say it without breaking down completely, "let me go if you don't really want me."
"I do want you, but not everything is about you alone River, I have a family that would disown me if they knew!" Jace burst out, heneveryelled at him before.
"So do I, we go to the same church, we were taught the same ideologies but I'm ready to finally let those go, are you?" River asked and Jace paused and picked up the speed on the car,
"You can't ask me to do that!" He retorted,
"Because you don't love me like I do you, Iknow. I have always known it deep down. You want a wife, a family, and I can't give you that, it's okay justpleaselet's stop going in circles." River pleaded, and Jace's eyes rimmed with tears at the realisation, of that truth that he didn't want to see.
That they simply wanted for different things.
Were destined to lead different lives.
It was time to wake up, they weren't fifteen anymore.
"That's not true I-" Jace began, tears spilling from his eyes, "Iwantto love."
"But not me." River choked, then realised that the car was moving at a dangerous speed. "Jace, stop the car."
"I'm trying but it's like the breaks aren't working," Jace said the windscreen wipers thwarted the rain away as the car began to lose control on the slippery road.
"What do you mean the breaks aren't working?" River asked just as the car skidded off the road,
"I'm sorry-" was the last thing River heard before the car hit the street light and the intense impact sent Jace's head through the glass of the windscreen, he'd never forget the image. The impact knocked them both unconscious.
Only one of the prodigies would wake, and the other would never live to see the light of day. At least he loved him until his last breath, the verydefinitionof eternal love.
The only thing River remembered was somehow finding himself at Geneviève's apartment and her cleaning up his wounds, the police would not know that he was there that night- no one would. He remembered not being able to speak, or cry or eat or sleep, it was as though his very soul had been stripped from him and he was left bare.
"We will never speak of this." Geneviève assured him, and they never did.
A year later
On one of his many restless nights where he couldn't help but blame himself for the passing of his love, River walked all the way across town to one of his favourite bookstores, Le chat curieux, to distract himself you see. The academy would reopen the very next day and he'd be forced to see his friends again, he hadn't seen them since the funeral. His parents had been concerned for him and took him to see a psychologist who'd prescribed him antidepressants. But that's the thing they never tell you about them, they don't make you feel better, they just make you numb so you don't feel any overpowering emotions that might lead you to do something you'd regret.
The pristine shopkeeper looked at him as though she could see right through his clothes, he hated it but he was used to it. She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. He was in search of one of his favourite novels, Treasure Island and wandered into the back of the store. He heard the doorbell chime and knew someone had entered the store, he didn't care who.
Once he located the book he attempted to pull it out but felt a tug on the other side, the stranger won and the book was in their possession. And once the book was out he could make out her eyes, round, curious and all-consuming.
They had to be the most enchanting thing he'd ever seen,
"Dead men don't bite." She said, her accent almost as diluted as his own, American but not completely. She knew her literature well, he liked that.
There was something about her that was unlike anything else he'd ever encountered, her presence was enough to leave him speechless. So he fled, the very thought of feeling anything again terrified him.
Little did he know, he would never escape her, the midnight girl who made him feel alive again.
Chapter 28
