River sighed, this was the exact same answer he got every time he asked if he wanted to authenticate their relationship. It'd been over a year, since his sixteenth birthday when he finally got the courage to tell Jace how he felt since the moment they met. To his surprise, Jace said he knew since the day down by the Seine when the sun peaked through the autumn Parisian sky and their lips were inches apart. He said he knew and that he too wanted to say something, but found himself tongue-tied.
River didn't want to be the lie between his teeth, the lover found only in his sheets and his little secret anymore. River more than anyone knew it would be difficult to explain to all the people in their lives this love they felt for each other, this forbidden feeling he'd tried to suppress since he was old enough to know desire for another. For River love had never been about anyone's physical traits, he himself hated more than anything when people would only want to be with him for his looks, which he didn't see anyways. For him, it was always about the being, the way they thought, the way they connected with him, and the way they made others feel about themselves. Something as trivial as gender had never even occurred to him.
"I don't know how much longer," River muttered, then Jace gave him a knowing smile, proceeding to place both hands on the side of his face.
"Just a little longer." Jace replied softly, and like a lullaby to a babe, he was hushed.
The Parisian summer was just in full swing and they all decided to head down to Parc Monceau for a picnic of sorts, Keomi's idea of course. Everyone brought along their favourite foods to share, and Keomi brought along her speciality, seaweed sashimi. Geneviève and Merilla brought lemon buttercream cupcakes, Fabian a charcuterie board and lastly, Jace and River arrived later on with Jace's special chocolate chip cookies and vodka lemonade. The scene was beautiful that day, as the girls spread out the chequered picnic blanket underneath a wide oak tree and they all perched themselves beneath it like little faeries.
"It's not that serious Keomi," Fabien spoke beside her,
"I want nothing to do with it." She replied sternly.
"I wish we could spend every day like this," Merilla said shielding her eyes from the relentless sun,
"Don't we all?" Jace replied, "I can't wait to tell my future children all about my time in Paris, and the friends I met that became family."
"Aww are you purposefully trying to make us cry J?" Gene replied tying her hair up,
"I'm not kidding, I do love you all. I hope you know that." Jace declared like he always did and everyone smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek as he laughed and playfully pushed them all away.
Future children, River thought, he wondered why every time Jace spoke of the future it was almost like he wasn't in it and ithurt.
"I hope those violin lessons have been paying off." Fabian commented handing Jace a white wood violin with delicate strings, "I found it while cleaning out the basement, I figured it was a waste to let it wither away unplayed."
Jace's eyes lit up when he held it and brushed his fingers over its body which resembled the curves of a woman. River felt oddly insecure, he was nothing of the sort.
"I can't ask you to gift this away, it's vintage." Jace faltered in disbelief, "I- it's too much Fabian but thank you."
"Not the time to be modest, Jace dear, just take the damn violin you know you love it." Gene encouraged and he rolled his eyes at her and River smiled.
That was the one thing River liked about Geneviève De La Fontaine, she was direct and always spoke her truth in a way he wished he too could someday. To most, it may come off as snobbish or even rude but he knew that she came from a family that expected a lot from their only daughter and often silenced her opinions. She'd once told him that the only time she ever got to voice her thoughts was when she was with her friends and sometimes she got carried away.
"Thank you, Fabian, I promise to sign back up for lessons," Jace said treading carefully, and everyone sighed in response.
"No fucking way you quit?" Mer retorted, "Now I owe Fabian five euros."
"Our very own âme éphémère, you never cease to be predictable." Gene added, "Do play something for us."
"You should." River encouraged silently tapping his foot against Jace's in silent approval.
He'd gotten used to it, these silent gestures of love.
The gazes that lasted a second longer than they were supposed to, the tucking of loose strands of hair behind his ear, the brushing of fingertips when he thought no one was watching. A way to sayI have loved you in silence, hear me.
Jace played the violin, a beautiful take on when the saints go marching in, and everyone listened intently at his skill, Jace Monet was indeed a Jack of all trades. And even as Jace's fingers moved agilely with a bow in hand, River couldn't help but remember the first time they touched him.
Jace and River raced down the hallway in the dead of night, they were aware that they weren't allowed on campus after dark but the rebellion was overpowering, thrilling even. They delved silently into the art room and shut the door, lit a few candles that gave the room a luminous glow. They were sprawled next to each other on the floor, with heavy breaths and racing hearts.
"I love you," River finally got the courage to say, as he witnessed Jace's expression change in the yellow light, something in his eyes changed that day. "Like the sun adores the moon so intently he gives him his own time to shine in the darkness. I do, I love you."
"I have always loved you, you are half of my heart," Jace said and traced his fingers over River's face, his nose, his lips, his jaw.
"If loving you is wrong then render me evil," River spoke softly,
"If you're to be rendered evil then I am the most wicked." Jace smiled and tears welled in his lover's eyes, he had waited for it since the beginning of time.
And almost magnetically his lips were on his, tasting, exploring and devouring every last breath. River thought he tasted like milk and honey, the sweetest of nectars and purest of things. He remembered how his maman had brought him along to church when he was a boy and they spoke of how man shan't ever lie with man, but he thought-
