“Please do.”
“That is why when you asked if I could go out sometime for another cup of coffee, I really didn’t answer you. I’m not sure how to be…this yet or how to compartmentalize it enough to still have any kind of life for myself.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“I just asked you for coffee at some random point in the future. I didn’t propose,” I joked.
“No,” he said with a chuckle. “Since…Maddie…I don’t even see Caden that much. Even having a drink with my oldest friend at the bar feels weird. I can’t explain it.”
I nodded, trying to process all he’d said.
“And, if I could be honest about another thing. Even though the conversation was tense at times, I liked being with you again. I didn’t want to upset you or ruin a nice night, but I’m sure telling you then would have been better than finding out today.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but the words caught in my throat. I would have been blindsided either way, but at the diner, I would have been able to be shocked and upset without anyone but Jesse watching.
Which, I agreed, would have ruined the nice end of our night, but now it didn’t seem as genuine.
“Hi, what can I get you?” the waitress asked us during our long lull of silence.
He nodded at me.
“I’m sure you need a drink too.”
“Yeah, it would be nice.” I nodded and turned to the waitress. “I’d like a hard cider. And I guess a cheeseburger deluxe. Medium.”
“I’ll have the same,” Jesse said and handed her our menus.
“So,” he said, scooting closer to the table. “What do you want to know?”
He searched my gaze with an expression I couldn’t decipher.
He was wary yet hopeful, as if he wanted to unload on me, but he didn’t know if he could.
I leaned back, resting my elbows on the table. “How old was Tessa when she had Maddie? I was trying to do the math, but I think she was a teenager.”
“Not quite. She was twenty, in college for nursing. She had a steady boyfriend whom I wasn’t crazy about, but my parents told me to back off because I was being a little too big brother.”
“I can see that,” I said, nodding a thank-you to the waitress as she set down my drink. I took a long sip from the glass as I waited for him to continue. “I always pitied Tessa for when she’d start dating because I knew you’d be relentless.”
A quick smile curved his mouth.
“I tried to stay cordial and cautious when I’d see him on long weekends and holidays I’d come home.”
I had to laugh at the tic in Jesse’s jaw.
“Despite what you may think, I did try to keep an open mind.”
“I know you did.” I tilted my head. “Mostly.”
I grinned when I pulled a tiny smile out of him.
“You mean when you’d come home from Seattle?”
“Yes. I tried to come home whenever I could, a weekend or so a month, or whenever I had a long break. One Thanksgiving, they were all waiting for me at the kitchen table like someone had just died. Tessa had just told them she was pregnant, and other than offering her money for an abortion that she didn’t want to have, her boyfriend didn’t want to have anything to do with her or the baby. I flipped out, as you can imagine, but managed to stop myself when Tessa started crying.”
“Because you wanted to kill him?”
“Wanted?” He scoffed. “That will never be past tense. Anyway, she still lived with my parents, so they all agreed she’d finish school while my parents took care of the baby.” Jesse shrugged. “We were disappointed, not in Tessa but at this turn her life had taken. Everything was going to be a lot harder for her than we wanted it to be.”
