“Shit, Sam! Baby Girl, are you okay?”
God, please no. Calling me Baby Girl now was like sticking a knife directly into my already broken heart. Lucas lifted me off the ground to help me stand. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. I always loved when he did that, but now it hurt like hell. It was torturous, but I let myself feel him one last time. I wanted to remember the way he smelled, how his arms felt like home—but he wasn’t my home anymore, and it killed me to know that.
“Let me clean you up. You’re bleeding. Come upstairs, and we can talk.Please.” I pushed out of his hold and looked at his face. His beautiful face. His blue eyes were still glassy, but they were red now. I didn’t want to believe what I saw. I wanted to look at the unshed tears growing in Lucas’s eyes and think it meant he really loved me, and he would nevereverhurt me.
I had ignored Marc cheating on me for long enough. As much as I loved Lucas—more than I ever loved Marc—I couldn’t be that woman again. I owed it to myself, and I owed it to my daughter to face things and even to walk away if I had to. No more pretending it wasn’t happening because that was the easier choice.
I saw an empty cab coming up the block and raised my arm to hail it. I must’ve fallen hard as blood trickled down my wrist when I held my hand up. The cab slowed to a stop, and I headed to the curb where it waited. I willed myself to stop crying at least until I got inside.
Lucas grabbed my arm again, shaking his head. “You can’t leave like this.” His voice was cracking. “I need you; I love you. Youknowme, Sam.”
I shook my head sadly. “No. No, I don’t.” The words came out shaky, but I managed to say them. I tried to pull away and run to the cab, but he wouldn’t let go of my arm. The cabbie honked impatiently.
“Please, let me go.” My words came out in a whisper as my jaw trembled. I couldn’t hold off the crying any longer. I needed to leave.
“No!” Lucas yelled as a tear ran down his cheek. “You're mine, Samantha—and I'm yours. You, me, Bella. We’re a family. My family. This is not what you think it is. I would never hurt you like that. I love you so much.Alwaysyou. You’re my life, my everything, my entire fucking world. I'll never let you go. I can't. I won't.”
“Sir, is there a problem?” A uniformed police officer walked over to us. He must’ve seen Lucas grab me, and gave us a concerned look.
“No, officer. I was getting a cab. Everything is fine.” My voice broke onfineas I tasted the tears that escaped from my eyes. My eyes met Lucas’s one final time. He was crying now, too—and it made me stop for a minute.No, I needed to leave.
“Goodbye, Lucas.”
“No!” Lucas grabbed my face in his hands; the panic and anguish on his face startled me. His hands shook as he pleaded with me. “You can't tell me goodbye. I can't be without you. Please just fucking listen to me!” Tears poured down his face as I jerked out of his grasp. He tried to grab my shoulders, but the officer pulled Lucas back.
We stared at each other for what seemed like forever.How was I going to walk away from Lucas?He mouthed "please" and held out his hand to me. My legs didn't want to move. Everything in me wanted to take his hand and fall into his arms again, forgetting last night and this morning ever happened. I wished for some kind of reset button I could press so we could just start over. The thought of leaving him for good made it hard for me to breathe.Could I do that?I loved our life together so much, now and what I always thought we could have when I was finally free of Marc. Maybe I didn't have to throw it all away. Maybe we could get past this …
I reached for his hand. Lucas let out a deep breath and swallowed hard as he came closer.
“Luc, you okay?”
Nicole, now dressed, sauntered over to Lucas and touched his arm. The second his hand touched mine, I pulled it away, shaking my head.
Fuck reset.
I narrowed my eyes as I glared at Lucas, knowing this would be the last time we spoke.
“You told me goodbye last night. I'm just saying it back.” I nodded at Nicole. “Enjoy your new old life, the one you had before some plain Jane and her kid wasted your time.”
Lucas jerked his arm away from Nicole and ran toward me.
“Sir, I'm not going to tell you again. Step back.” Lucas ran his hands through his hair as the officer pulled him away. I spun around and ran for the cab, still hearing Lucas scream how much he loved me and begging me to turn around.
“Queens. Go over the 59thStreet Bridge, and I’ll get you from there. Go!” I screamed at the driver, hoping it would make the cab go faster and make Lucas disappear from my view sooner. He glanced at my swollen eyes and tearstained face and shrugged as he pulled away.
My head dropped to my hands, and I finally let it all out. I cried for me, I cried for Bella, and I cried for Lucas. I would always love him. He was the one who gave me the courage to leave a miserable life and believe I deserved better. But right then, I didn’t want better. I wanted Lucas.
Twenty-Five
Lucas
A half hourearlier
I woke up to pounding on my skull. Even my eyelids hurt as they fluttered open. I looked around, and I was on my couch. Memories started to return—getting off the train from Queens and not wanting to go home; everything would feel like Sam in my apartment. I had pictures of the three of us all over the place and could still smell her in my bedroom and on my sheets from when she stayed over last weekend.
I wanted to crawl out of my skin, thinking of her alone with Marc. I dug my phone out of my pocket to see if she’d contacted me, and it was dead. I got up, slowly as the more upright I stood, the worse the pounding got and plugged my phone into the charger on my end table. After my third glass of Jack, my recollection of last night got hazy. I didn’t even remember how I got home.
“Look who’s up!” A woman’s voice was coming from my kitchen. I slowly turned my head and my blood ran cold at the sight of Nicole drinking from one of my coffee mugs.
