“Agreed.” Marc nodded and got up from the couch to make his way to the door. There was no screaming match, no blowout—we quietly ended something that was done and over a long time ago. It was exactly what my goal was tonight.
I opened the door to let Marc out. He turned around to speak, but he looked like he didn’t know what to say.
“Samantha, for what it’s worth … I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. Good luck, Marc.”
I didn’t know the right thing to say to someone after you’ve agreed to divorce. I did wish Marc luck. Maybe someday he would grow up and realize having to act like a man wasn’t a punishment, and being a father was a privilege. But he wouldn’t make Bella and me suffer anymore as he was figuring it out.
It was time for my next problem—Lucas. I sent text after text with no response, and my calls went straight to voice mail. I crawled into my cold, empty bed that still smelled like Lucas. I nuzzled into his pillow with my phone in my hand, waiting for a buzz that would tell me we were still okay. We had to be.
Twenty-Four
Samantha
My stomach had beenin knots all night long. Lucas wouldn’t pick up his phone I didn’t know if it was off or if he was deliberately ignoring me. Every text I sent still went unanswered. Something wasn’t right.
Bella was still at her grandparents’ house, and I didn’t need to pick her up until the afternoon. If Lucas didn’t want to answer me, I was going to make him. I was up early since I didn’t sleep all night. I put on my black satin dress under my coat—maybe a little too fancy for a Sunday morning, but it was a special day, and Lucas always said that dress was his favorite.
This was ridiculous. Things were finally good. Marc signed the papers, and when I texted Robyn, she said the divorce may be able to go through in just a couple of months. My life with Marc was now on its way to being legally over, and my life—ourlife together—could officially begin. I wanted that more than I’d ever wanted anything. And although he was still upset with me, I was sure Lucas wanted it, too.
I climbed the outside steps to ring his bell, but the door was open, so I breezed right in and took the inside steps up to his apartment. I knocked on the door, hoping he was here and mad at me—not hurt or God forbid worse. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard him unlock the door.
Lucas looked like hell. Gorgeous hell—but hell, nonetheless. I noticed dark circles under his eyes ,and his hair was sticking straight up. I had to hold in a laugh at how silly he looked. He was shirtless but still had his jeans on, which I found a little odd. Lucas was looking at me strangely like he wasn’t sure if he was glad to see me or not. We stood there for a few seconds, enough time to make it awkward.
“Hey. Can I come in?” He still said nothing in reply and pulled the door open wider and stepped back to let me into his apartment.
When I got to the kitchen, I took off my coat and draped it over one of the dining room chairs. I reached into my purse to pull out the envelope with the divorce papers. I handed them to Lucas, and he looked confused.
“What’s this?” His voice was scratchy as he pulled the papers out of the envelope and squinted at them. As I took a closer look at his face, Lucas looked a little green. I realized he was hungover, which explained why he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts—he was too busy drinking all night. Today was supposed to be a good day, one where we could forget the past and move forward. I decided that Lucas hanging out at the bottom of a bottle while I was scared he might be somewhere bleeding in a ditch was all part of the past.
“My signed divorce papers. Marc finally did it! I’m free! And I’m—wellwe’re—all yours. That is, if you still want us …”
A slow smile spread across Lucas’s face, and even though his eyes were still glassy, they lit up. He put the papers on the counter and darted across the kitchen to me, taking my face in his hands.
“Do I still want you? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re all I’ll ever want or need. I love you so much. All mine. Finally, all fucking mine.” He kissed me so hard I almost fell backward before he put his arms around me and lifted me up. I snaked my legs around his waist and giggled as we kissed. I ran my hands through his disheveled hair, waiting for him to carry me into his bedroom so we could really celebrate.
“Luc, I think your hot water shut off—Oh, sorry!”
I stopped kissing Lucas and turned my head. Nicole...the woman my boyfriend used to have casual sex with, was standing in nothing but a towel in my boyfriend’s kitchen—at nine o’clock on a Sunday morning. Little by little, my brain and my body were piecing together what I was seeing—and both went into shock. The air in the room suddenly got very thin, and I was lightheaded.This couldn’t be happening.This wasn’t my Lucas. He couldn’t have been so angry with me last night that he had sex with another woman.
I glared at Lucas, silently pleading with him to tell me this wasn’t true, that it was some silly misunderstanding. He shut his eyes tight and slowly put me down.
“Sam, I know this looks really bad, but it’s not—”
“Did she sleep here, Lucas?” I knew the answer already, but still dreaded hearing the confirmation.
Lucas took a deep breath. “Yes, but we didn’t—”
I grabbed the envelope with the papers off the counter and my coat and flew out the door. I didn’t look at Lucas or speak. He followed me down the steps, screaming my name. I wouldn’t turn around and fall apart in front of him. My legs wobbled, and my hands shook, but I tried to hold myself together enough to get down the stairs without falling.
I almost got all the way out to the curb, hoping for the appearance of a cab I could jump into and go home to mourn what I thought my new life was going to be. Lucas caught up with me and grabbed my arm.
“Samantha, please listen to me! Nothing happened, let me explain!” In all the years I’d known Lucas, I’d never seen him so panicked. I imagine getting caught in the act rattled a person.
As I tried to jerk my arm away from him, I lost my balance and fell down the last two steps. I tried to break my fall with the palms of my hands, but I ended up scraping them and both my knees like I’ve seen my daughter do a hundred times. Then it registered.Bella. Oh My God. She didn’t blink an eye when her father left, but losing Lucas would devastate her. Bella and Lucas had become close over the past few months, and once again, her mother’s shitty decision-making, when it came to men, would hurt her.What the hell was I supposed to tell her?
Then the sobs came. I sat on the concrete with my head in my hands and started to wail like a child, unable to move.
