“I . . . I think we need to talk.” I nodded to the living room and made my way to my couch. I sat on one end, and Nick took the other.
“I’d say so.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“I’m not making it easy for you, am I?”
“Yeah, you could say that.” He gave me half a smile as he shook his head, then leaned back against the cushions.
“Did we . . .” I gulped as my frazzled brain tried to find the words. “Do . . . anything?”
Nick’s face hardened as he did a slow shake of his head. “No. And the fact you’re asking me if we did while you were in that condition makes me question why we’re talking at all. I thought you knew I wasn’t the type of guy to take advantage of anyone like that.”
“No, no . . . of course I know that,” I stammered and dragged my hand down my face. “I . . .” My cheeks heated with humiliation, remembering all he’d heard and seen last night. “I served myself to you on a silver platter. Humiliated myself, actually.”
“No, you didn’t. It took everything I had to walk away from you. If it was really you saying you wanted me, without the alcohol, I never would have left.” His eyes bore into me, and I couldn’t tell if he was angry or frustrated. My guess was a whole lot of both.
“I do want you. It’s just . . .” My voice trailed off as an unexpected tear escaped the corner of my eye. All the emotions I’d been fighting off for so long came rushing to the surface. What scared me more? Giving in to my feelings for Nick or losing him?
Nick rose from the couch and crouched in front of me.
“Aren’t you tired, sweetheart?” Nick threaded his fingers through my hair and pulled my face closer to his.
I was tired. So damn frigging exhausted. I had been terrified I wouldn’t get over Jack, and now that I wanted Nick, my biggest fear was realized. I’d moved on. It was supposed to be the goal: my son and I going on with our lives. But the feelings I had for Nick scared me to my core for so many reasons. Moving on meant finally letting Jack go—for good this time.
“I’m not Jack, Ellie. I can’t do anything about that. I’m just me.”
“You don’t understand.” I took a deep breath as I sat back and grabbed Nick’s hands. “That’s the thing. I always thought I wouldn’t move on from Jack. I’d have to go through the motions of dating so my family would keep their mouths shut, but I never expected to actuallywantanyone else. That was my silly way of keeping Jack in my life—holding his place even though he’s dead and not coming back.” I let out a deep sigh and moved closer to Nick. “I ran into you again and I . . . liked you. You were kind and funny, maybe a little sexy.” My lips twisted in a smirk.
Nick cocked an eyebrow at me. “Just a little?” He chuckled and squeezed my hands.
I laughed and shook my head. “Maybe a lot more than a little. Then I got to know you, and saw how you were with my son, and as much as I tried to deny it, there was a pull between us. I wantedyou. And when I was with you, I didn’t give Jack a thought. It was all you—like it’s all you right now. And while it’s wonderful to be able to feel that way again about someone, it’s terrible at the same time. Because I . . . I moved on. And that breaks my heart.” I tried again, in vain, to swallow the growing lump in my throat.
“It was never a possibility for me. I always thought you fell in love once, and that was it. Everyone kept telling me—especially the past couple of years—I’m young, why don’t I try?” I rolled my eyes as I shook my head. “They meant well, but they didn’t understand. No one did. I could fake my way through a date maybe, but actually wanting someone else, kissing someone else . . . or . . . doing more than kissing. I never even considered it.”
An embarrassed smile ghosted my lips as my cheeks heated. My gaze dropped to my lap. Nick tapped my chin with his finger so I’d look up.
“Jack never wanted me to stay alone; he even told me so. But not being alone always seemed wrong and disrespectful to his memory. The way I feel about you seemed to sneak up on me. But pushing you away—you saw last night—isn’t working anymore.” My nose burned with more unshed tears. “I told ya, complicated.” I sniffled and shook my head. “I want this, I want you, but—”
“There doesn’t have to be a ‘but.’” Nick cradled my head in his hands. “I get it. I do. But I want you to be mine, Ellie. Please,” Nick murmured against my lips. “Let me do it. Let me make you happy. I know I can.”
He gave me a soft kiss that turned molten in seconds. His fingers tangled in my hair as he lifted me onto his lap.
He pulled back and rested his forehead on mine. “Are we doing this? You and me. No more running away. I kiss you, I touch you. And you stay.”
“Not going anywhere.” I took his face in my hands and brought my lips back to his. Nick’s hands drifted up my thighs to the curve of my hips as he pulled my body flush to his. I grazed kisses down his neck and smiled at the groans vibrating against my lips.
“Wait a minute.” Nick pushed me away and shook his head. “Not yet.”
“Not yet?” My brows knitted as I leaned back.
“We need arealdate. Where weplanto see each other instead of just falling into it. We do things the right way. Because when . . . that does happen, there’s no turning back. I love your ass, but I’m sick of watching it run away from me.”
I burst out laughing. “We had a date already.”
Nick shut his eyes and shook his head. “We were in the same place at the same time. Coincidence. This time, I pick you up, you wear a sexy dress, I wear pants instead of ripped jeans, and you plan to be with me for the night, from the beginning. Got it?”
“Got it.” My lips twitched as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m free tonight. If you are . . .”
“Eight o’clock a good time?” A slow grin spread across Nick’s features.
