I extend my arms to take her from Jay, feeling the need to cuddle her.
She extends one arm towards me while with the other she grips Jay’s hair tightly, forcing him to follow.
I pull him close when he stumbles into my arms, his bent head coming to rest against my chest. The rightness of this moment makes my world better again, and at the same time makes me tremble in trepidation.
So much to lose…
Caring for something or someone means I have something to lose. That thought is what nightmares are made of.
When Arianna, maybe tired from all the chaos, places her head against my chest and then Jay snuggles closer, the uneasy feeling I was filled with just seconds ago evaporates, disintegrated by feelings of peace, serenity, and tenderness.
There’s nothing I can do to stop my parents if they decide to be dicks. What I can do, though, is fight for what I want… and I want Arianna to stay in my life.Forever.
I need to make forever possible for the two of us.
Three!
Do I want Jay to stay forever? I’m not sure… What I know is that I want him here now. He’s important, and Arianna and I wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t here.
You want him here, just admit it.I can’t even lie to myself anymore. Yeah, I want him here. What that means, I don’t know yet, but I’m ready to explore it…
Jay goes to move away and I wrap my arm around him.
“Stay.”
His face brightens, and his eyes shine, and maybe just maybe this connection is not just in my mind.
Maybe to the outside world it looks like we’re moving too quickly. But when you know how easy it is to lose everything in a second, you cling to good things with all your might. Losing Halia as suddenly as I did taught me something, and it’s that I need to make the most of the time I have with the people I care about. They’re the people I have in my arms right now. It also taught me that rejecting something only because it seems to be happening too quickly could lead to never having the chance again.
Arianna pulls my beard until she gains my full attention, and then shoves her thumb inside her mouth and begins to suck.
A clue for “I’m starving.” Maybe.
“Yeah, baby girl. Let’s have something to eat.” I hug them close for a second, and then I let Jay go just to push him towards the kitchen.
“I’ll make her a bottle,” Jay says, and I pull him against me once more. He looks at me, surprised, and I lean in to place a gentle kiss against his lips.
When I pull back, another of those beautiful smiles welcomes me, while a lovely redness spreads on his cheeks. I caress him there, and he leans into my touch, making my heart grow a little bit more.
Another pull of my beard tells me I’m ignoring Arianna too much. “Ouch, princess, don’t pull Daddy’s beard.” She pulls again, making Jay laugh. “Okay, let’s get you fed,” I tell her in a fake grumpy growl, and she gives me a toothless smile. Arianna’s going to break hearts when she grows up.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m on the sofa with Arianna in my arms while she feeds from the bottle—big loud sucks, as if she hasn’t eaten in days.
Jay is sitting next to me, his body turned towards Arianna’s head. He watches her as if she’s the most marvellous creation, and I have to agree.
Her light brown hair, her chubby cheeks, and those small hands with perfect fingers really are God’s creation. She’s flawless.
“She’s perfect.”
I chuckle, liking the fact that we’re having the same train of thought.
“That she is. A little too loud, but other than that, she’s a work of art.”
Once Arianna is in bed, I sit on the sofa, feeling as tired as if I’ve had thousands of sleepless nights.
A bottle of water and an omelette appear in front of my face, and again I thank all the deities in the sky for having me there when Jay needed saving.
“Here,” Jay says, offering me a knife and fork and a napkin.
