Haden
Let’s talk more when I’m back. Kiss Arianna for me.
Jay
Okay.
A wail comes from Haden’s room, Arianna is awake.
I put down my half-drunk cup of coffee and hurry down the hall. I open the door and whisper, “Good morning princess,” as I reach the crib, watching her face relax and her wailing stop for a second.
She flails her tiny arms at me, her face all blotchy from her attention calling.
I scoop her up and sway automatically, while I hum, trying to calm her down.
I want to kiss her little cheek because she’s so cute, but instead I rock her a little when she sniffles against my chest. “You’re so dramatic in the morning, just like your daddy, aren’t you?”
Her big eyes blink at me, all wet and still full of sleep, and my heart squeezes at the trust she has in me.
“Let’s get you a bottle,” I say and walk to the kitchen to get everything ready. While the milk warms I change her quickly, and then sit on the chair to feed her.
Her eyes play peek-a-boo, opening and closing with the rhythm of her feeding, and her hand curls against the bottle as if making sure I don’t take it away.
I totally understand why Haden is so protective of her, because she brings out the best parts in people with her adorable eyes, right now half-lidded with sleep. I’m no one to her but I want to hide her away from the dirt of the world.
I would give everything to have the chance to see her grow into a beautiful and kind woman. Dreams for me don’t become reality, though.
When Arianna finishes I lift her up against my shoulder to rub her back and make her burp, and when the sound resounds in the room, I laugh quietly.
I should put her down inside the playpen so she can play, but today I want to feel her warmth a little more. Not sure if it’s because of Jeremy and not being able to get in touch with him that brings my old life to the forefront of my mind. When Arianna becomes fussy I sit her in her bouncer, and busy myself cleaning the kitchen until everything is smelling like lemon, then I move to folding the clothes I washed yesterday.
I love hearing her squeal and giggle while she plays with the toys that stimulate her mind. She’s so clever already, knowing by instinct where to place the shapes.
After a change of nappy, and when everything is clean and I still have too much energy, I pick Arianna up. “Shall we leave the house and go for a walk?”
The opening of the door distracts me from the idea of taking a walk.
“I’m back.”
“Welcome back.”
“Where is my princess?”
“We’re in your room. I was getting her changed to go for a walk.”
“Hey, Angel,” he whispers in my ear when he’s close enough, and my mind quiets while my body shudders.
I love this nickname that’s only mine. “Hi,” I say breathlessly, and then like it’s nothing, he leans in and brushes his lips against mine. All thoughts vanish from my mind, and I don’t even react when he takes Arianna from my arms to nestle her against his chest, and his other hand lands on my lower back as though staking a claim.
I want to be claimed. I want to be held. And I want to be special. So manywants, but what can I offer in return?
“Shall we go for a walk together?”
I don’t want to go anymore, because everything I want is here in this room.
I shake my head, and after a long look he seems to understand, and veers to the sofa while placing Arianna on the rug in front of it. He pushes the small table away so she can have the space to crawl around. She loves to explore and touch everything.
I sit on the sofa and watch Haden lean into the playpen, and he comes out with his arms full of toys. She really is a princess. She has more than she needs, and I’m not sure who’s happier, her or Haden.
