Luna:Is this thing working, my new bestie?
Sasha:If you’re reading this message, then yes. Also, I thought Khephren was your bestie.
Luna:He’s my Dravethian bestie. You’re my new human bestie!
Sasha:Uh-huh. Thanks for the clarification.
Luna:You texted that with 100% sarcasm, didn’t you?
Sasha:You already know your human bestie well.
Luna:Yay! Join me for a drink?
Sasha:Meet me in my studio.
—Test message sent via FLIRTT (Frequency Link for Interstellar Real-Time Transmission)
Four weeks until Christmas…
Luna
Iset down the bottle of Dravethian wine and two glasses on Sasha’s worktable. “Lucky you, I brought the good stuff.”
He pushes them gingerly to the end of the table. “Get that away from my baby.”
I roll my eyes. His “baby” is his computer system for editing his video projects.
Picking them up, I move to a sofa a few feet away. Sasha sometimes works late on his streaming show, so of course Khephren made sure he had one of the comfiest sofas on the ship to nap on.
He follows me and flops down with a tired sigh. “Thanks, I think I need a break. I’ve been staring at my screen for way too long.”
I pour us both a full glass of wine and pass him one. “Drink up.”
He takes an appreciative sip. “So, to what do I owe the honor of this visit? Apart from being your new human bestie.”
Sasha, a human from Earth, joined our ship almost a year ago when we sorta kinda abducted him. But it was a friendly abduction, I swear! Khephren, my best friend from our shared home world, and I wanted to find a human who could help us experience an authentic Earthling Christmas on our ship.
Why not on Earth, you might ask. Well, we’re not exactly permitted to visit that planet since we can’t pass a human appearance test—the different, vibrant colors of Dravethian skin and our eight tentacles make that impossible. So, we made a quick and highly illegal pit stop on Earth to recruit a temporary human assistant.
Yes, it was pretty foolish and risky. But Kheph and I were fueled by the fire of our desire—heh, that rhymed—to experience Christmas, just like in the Hallmark movies we’d downloaded off the intergalactic web. It had kind of become a mutual obsession, probably because Kheph and I both love how those films tend to focus on family, acceptance, and loving kinship vibes, something we’ve both had trouble with in terms of our own genetically tied families.
Are the stories brilliant and innovative? Nah.
Do they veer more toward cheesy and formulaic? Sure.
But do we keep coming back for more nonetheless? You bet your ass we do!
Anyway, we ended up abducting Sasha and his cat Jonesy—all hail Jonesy!—not knowing he was basically full of bah-humbug attitude and Grinchy sarcasm. My pal Kheph came to the rescue though. His sweet nature and earnest enthusiasm chipped away at Sasha’s “No Trespassing Allowed” exterior until he fell head over heels for Kheph and decided to stay with us permanently.
Talk about a swoon-worthy romance! Lucky bastards.
“Are you excited about returning to Earth for a quick visit?”
Sasha shrugs and sips more of his wine. “I could take it or leave it. To be honest, I don’t miss much. It’s not like I had any family or anyone who would even notice that I’ve been gone, and life aboard this ship, traveling the universe with you guys, is so much more awesome.”
“Of course, it is,” I boast. “We’re the coolest group of Dravethians around.”
He snickers. “I’ll take your word for that.”
