“Ah, to be young,” Rebecca muses with a smile. “What are you now, twenty-nine?”
“Yep. Thirty is creeping up on me. Any words of wisdom as someone who’s been doing this longer?”
Rebecca sighs, staring into her coffee cup as if it holds the answers to life’s mysteries. “I wish I had some. Funnily enough, I’m seriously rethinking some parts of my life,” she divulges.
I blink at her. “What do you mean?”
She lifts a hand and vaguely gestures around her. “I’ve been doing this for ten years. When I graduated from med school, I was full of pep and ambition. But more and more, this job is overshadowing my personal life—especially since this most recent transition to being open twenty-four hours a day. Work-life balance has become a joke.” She shakes her head. “I’m considering going into private practice, maybe something a bit more relaxed, like family medicine.”
I gape at her. “Really? I never would have guessed that.”
She shrugs. “There are things I’d miss, but at least I’d have the ability to make my own hours, and I’d still earn a good salary.”
I frown. “True. A lot of the same problems we face here will follow you there though. If it’s your own clinic, you’re the front line with the insurance companies and all their bullshit.”
We share a commiserating look.
Rebecca nods. “I’m afraid there’s no escaping them, my friend, but removing a layer of red tape is never a bad thing. Also, I’m liking the idea of setting my own hours and being my own boss despite all of that. Ron and I are talking about finally getting around to having kids. Even though we plan to adopt, we don’t want to wait until either of us gets too old.”
“Kids, huh? That’s a big life decision, but you’d make a great parent. You’re one of the favorite doctors for any kids who come here for care.”
Rebecca smiles. “Thanks. Ron and I have been talking about it for a few years, and we don’t want to wait much longer. He works from home and has a lot more flexibility to be at least a part-time stay-at-home dad, and between the two of us, we could afford to hire some in-house help too. Still, I want to be able to have time to spend with Ron and the kids, especially during their really formative years.” She gives me a lopsided grin. “I’d like to be awake for all that too.”
I laugh and then sip my coffee, wincing at the slightly stale, bitter flavor and wishing I’d taken the time to brew a fresh pot.
“Guess it’s all about priorities, right?” I muse, thinking about my and Felix’s current situations. “I can relate to some of what you’re talking about. Lately, I’ve been feeling at odd ends when it comes to work. It’s not that I want to give up medicine, rather that I think I might need a new context in which to practice it.”
Rebecca nods soberly. “I hear that. I also worry about the increasing number of unstable, physically violent patients we’re getting. This isn’t a psych ward, so we don’t have enough big, strong orderlies to help out.” She darts a worried look at me. “Were you here when that patient drew a knife on one of the nurses?”
“I witnessed the aftermath. The poor woman was understandably shaken up. Luckily, the clinic security guard was able to take the guy down and get the knife away from him before he could hurt anyone.”
Mental health issues are on the rise nationally and we don’t have enough adequate, accessible, and affordable care options to treat folks. We do what we can at our clinic, but some unstable patients who come in are difficult to assess and there’s only so much we’re able to do for them. A lot of them end up slipping through the cracks, often becoming homeless later or being arrested if they’re violent toward others. It’s so damn hard to watch all while helpless to do much of anything to change the situation.
At the same time, it increases the risk factors on the job for us as health providers. And it fucking sucks when you can’t feel safe working in a place dedicated to helping people. It makes you question everything.
“My brother’s also considering a career relocation.”
Rebecca scrunches up her face. “The veterinarian?”
“Yeah. He had an opportunity to buy the clinic where he’s been working for the last few years, but the fact he didn’t jump on it speaks volumes. Last night he told me he’s considering relocating to Botswana or Tanzania.”
She whistles softly. “Africa, huh? I supposed that would be heaven to an exotic animal vet. But it’s awfully far away.”
“I know.” Imagining us being so far apart like that is physically painful.
Rebecca chews on her bottom lip, expression thoughtful. “Well, I do think it’s best to be proactive about changing your situation if you’re not happy. Sticking with the status quo because it’s safe or easy can make things worse and leave you with a lot of regrets.”
Damn if that doesn’t hit home for me.
I smile at her. “You’re speaking words of wisdom tonight. Looks like you do have some sensible advice to offer after all, my friend.”
Rebecca chuckles and then glances at the clock. “I’ve got to get back out there.” She gulps down the last of her coffee and stands, tucking her short brown bob behind her ears. “Good chatting with you, Gemma. Hang in there.”
She gives me a little salute and heads out, clear-eyed and ready to face whatever situation awaits.
Alone in the staff room, under the harsh fluorescent lighting, I ponder her words. The stale aroma of coffee that’s been sitting in the pot too long seems to be mocking how stale my own life has become. I don’t know how, but something’s got to change—and in a big way.
CHAPTER 2
