“Hey!” I protest.
He smiles, his expression softening. “Khephren’s really looking forward to it though. I’d be happy to go almost anywhere else, but he’s bound and determined to get a shit ton of kitschynew Christmas decorations and stock up on a few items that we can only find on Earth. He’s discovered a love for salt and vinegar potato chips and that weird spray cheese in a can.”
Sound like Kheph. He can be odd, but we adore the big lovable weirdo.
I swallow a big gulp from my glass, smacking my lips with pleasure. That hits the spot!
“Well, don’t worry. It’s gonna be a brief in-and-out kind of mission,” I say.
Sasha snickers. “I could make a dirty joke about that, but I won’t.”
One of my tentacles reaches out to flick him gently on the forehead. “Save that for your hubby.”
He smirks. “You’re just jealous.”
“Fuck yeah, I am.” I take an even bigger gulp of my wine, sighing loudly. “I guess I’m more envious, really. Of course, Kheph would be the one to have all the luck in meeting his life partner through abduction.”
“That tracks for him,” Sasha agrees. “He’s uncannily lucky in the oddest ways.”
I snort. “No kidding. But to be fair, there isn’t a more deserving man I know. He’s the kindest and most generous, almost to a fault, individual I’ve ever known.”
Sasha nods with a solemn air. “That’s why we have to protect Tentacle Boy’s bright pink ass.”
I throw my head back and laugh. Sasha took to calling KhephTentacle Boywhen they first met, and it’s a nickname that has stuck around. Kheph’s entire body, including his hair, is made up of various shades of pink. This is how it works among our people. My body is covered in different hues of green, and our third crewmate, Najar, is all tones of gold. Needless to say, we would stick out like sore thumbs on a planet like Earth.
“I’m not sure if Kheph has talked to you yet, but he and I’ve finished a prototype of a small vehicle that you can take from the ship into town to purchase what we’re looking for after we land. Alas, we can’t join you.” One of my tentacles does an up-and-down sweeping motion, gesturing at myself. “For obvious reasons.”
“Not a problem. I expected I’d have to be the one to buy stuff.” He heaves a dramatic sigh. “Ah, the things you do for love.”
I can’t hold back a snicker. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll be landing somewhere in the desert again, away from prying eyes, but within a reasonable distance of a town. Using the vehicle Kheph and I’ve created, which can go much faster than human automobiles, will make that distance seem like nothing.”
Sasha muses over this. “Hmm. What does it look like, and how does it work?”
I give him a quick rundown, and he shakes his head laughing.
“In essence, it’s the extraterrestrial equivalent of a majorly souped-up Smart Car that can travel at ridiculous speeds.”
I tilt my head. “Maybe? I’m not familiar with this… Smart Car.”
Sasha waves a hand dismissively. “Forget about it, not important. I’m cool with this plan.”
I grin. “Don’t worry. Kheph’s planning to give you a tablet device so he can video conference with you while you’re in the stores and so he can tell you what he wants you to buy.”
“Why does that not surprise me? This is gonna be interesting, that’s for sure.”
I shrug. “You know how he is. Kheph loves Christmas almost as much as he loves you, and that’s saying a lot. Sure, he was a hardcore fan before you two met, but now that you basically share a relationship anniversary with the holiday, it’s become downright sacred to him.”
Sasha rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know, and thankfully I don’t hate Christmas anymore, not the way I did. All of that was mostly lingering emotional baggage around my homophobic parents kicking me out of the house when they found out I was gay on Christmas Eve.” He sips his wine. “Being with you guys, I’ve regained some enjoyment in the holiday and now associate it with more positive feelings.” He gives me a wry smile. “However, I don’t come anywhere close to matching Tentacle Boy’s energy on that, let alone you for that matter.”
I puff my chest out proudly. “We are master Christmas enthusiasts, and we take our roles seriously.”
He arches an eyebrow and drawls, “You don’t say.”
One of my tentacles flails in the air. “I’m worried Najar might lose his ever-loving mind over what we have planned for decorating the ship.”
Our stoic security officer on the ship, Najar has been close friends with Kheph since they were born. They became tight pals with me too when we met in elementary school, but Najar’s much more… mature and responsible than me and Kheph when it comes to certain things. He keeps me and Kheph in check and reins us in when necessary.
Old man Najar, we love you!
