“For real?” He sounds as surprised as I was when he told me his situation.
“I think I’ve been trying to ignore it. Helping people, saving lives—I still love that. But working at the urgent care clinic is starting to feel a bit confining. And I’m super fucking tired of having to harass insurance companies to approve necessary treatments for my patients. It’s beyond exhausting and I’m turning more and more cynical about our health system every damn day.”
“Oh, Gemsy, I had no idea. I’m sorry. Don’t you still do an ER weekend shift once a month?”
“Yep, and those can be really exciting. It’s just that lately, I’ve kind of been going through the motions. I work, I go home and sleep, and then I repeat the cycle. Hell, I can’t recall the last time I had a vacation, let alone a long weekend.”
“Sounds like burnout,” Felix offers.
“Maybe. I don’t know. Like you, I’m adrift and confused right now. I’ve also thought about a change of scenery in anothercountry—preferably one with government-funded healthcare. Like New Zealand.”
It’s an idea I’ve toyed with off and on for the last few years, especially whenever I’m at my wit’s end and ready to burn down the insurance companies.
“Wow. This has been a night of revelations, huh? Perhaps our shared thinking means we need to follow our gut instincts.”
I bite my bottom lip, unable to keep the worry from my voice. “The only thing that scares me is being so far apart. Ever since Nana and Gramps passed, we’ve only had each other. We’ve always been about twenty minutes away, depending on freeway traffic. I’m not sure how well either of us would adjust to not being able to see one another or talk whenever we want.”
“That’s a big part of what’s holding me back,” he admits.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t say all that to make you feel guilty or beholden in any way.”
“You’re not. For now, I’m going to take some time to think and reflect on what it is I truly want. But don’t worry, I won’t be making any sudden or rash decisions.”
I chuckle, swiping at tears. “Good to know. I think I’ll do the same. Reflecting on my life, I mean.”
Shortly after that, we say our goodbyes and I head to bed, where I spend a long time contemplating the future while I drift into a restless sleep.
The next afternoon, my head is still full of the aftermath of the truth bombs Felix and I dropped on one another after my date from hell. He and I are both restless and unfulfilled but changing our current situations might require us to be halfway across the world from one another for who knows how long. I’m honestly not sure I can do it. After all, we’re the only family we both have left.
Our mother was a wild child who got herself knocked up twice—that we know of—then left us in the care of her ownparents. Our unknown fathers have never been in the picture at all.
Nana and Gramps were the ones who raised and supported us in all the ways that mattered most. In essence, they were our real parents, but we lost them both five years ago, and that has left us with only each other to rely on for everything.
We’re not even sure if our biological mom is still alive. We have no current contact information for her, and all efforts to reach her when her parents passed away resulted in nothing. For all intents and purposes, she’s effectively dead to us. She was never around in any meaningful way in our lives, she just so happened to have given birth to us, and that’s about it. At least she had the sense to leave us with Nana and Gramps. I shudder to think what would have happened to us otherwise.
“It’s a madhouse out there,” Dr. Rebecca Jones says as we sit in the staff lounge of the urgent care clinic, sipping our umpteenth cups of coffee.
My jaw cracks when I yawn.
“Stop that,” Rebecca says, mirroring my yawn.
“I can’t help it,” I groan. “My date was a disaster last night, and I didn’t sleep well.”
“Sorry the date didn’t work out.”
I wave a hand dismissively. “You know how it goes.”
“I hear that. It took me a long time to find a man I’d want to keep.” She rubs her eyes. “Geez, I’m exhausted. The last few weeks have been brutal. I swear, it seems worse than last year even—and I didn’t think that was possible.”
I slump further in my seat and let my head fall back. “No kidding. Between the elderly folks with pneumonia or RSV and the multiple cases of flu and COVID, we’re being run ragged. And that’s to say nothing of the other injuries and ailments people are coming in to be seen for with what feels like the speed of a factory assembly line.” I rub my own dry, tired eyesand groan. “Fuck, I’ll own that I’m down to my last clean pair of underwear at home, and I have nothing to eat in my fridge. I can’t even remember when I last had enough time and energy to go to the grocery store or do laundry.”
“At least you’re off for a few days in two more hours,” Rebecca says with transparent envy. “I’m here all night and then on again tomorrow night.”
The owners of our clinic decided not too long ago, without any real input from us, to turn it into a twenty-four-hour provider. We’re located near enough to The Strip that we’ve been doing a brisk business with drunken tourists as well as the locals. However, we’ve been short-staffed ever since. Admin’s working on hiring more medical staff, but in the meantime the rest of us have been run ragged.
Yet another reason I’m contemplating a big life change.
“Not gonna lie, I’m going home to sleep. I’ll probably crash out for at least ten to twelve hours straight.”
