Things would have stayed that way, too, except that Joe refused to believe my letter. He waited until Charlie went to a national lumber trade show—there was one I’d told him about that Charlie went to every year—and then he showed up on my porch.
I’d been folding clothes when I’d heard a knock on the door. I yanked it open without even taking the kerchief off my hair. My heart dropped to my toes, then bounced to the sky when I saw Joe standing there, his hat in his hand.
“He made you write that letter, didn’t he?”
I didn’t even have to nod. He read it in my eyes.
“Well, I’ve come for you,” he said. “I waited until he went to that convention.”
I pulled him into the house so the neighbors wouldn’t see. He tried to gather me in his arms, but I turned away. I’d learned not to trust myself where he was concerned.
“Pack your things and the kids’ things and come with me,” he urged. “We’ll move to California.”
“He’ll find us. He’ll take the children.”
“Then we’ll move to Europe.”
My head swam. I shook it. “My grandmother’s not well, and I help my mother take care of her. They would be devastated. And Charlie’s parents... they’re getting older.” And Charlie—Charliewould be shattered, broken beyond any hope of redemption. I shook my head again. “I can’t sacrifice everyone else’s happiness for my own.”
“What about me, Addie? What about us?”
My chest felt as if a wet bag of cement were sitting on it. “There is no us.”
“There’s a little girl somewhere in this house who proves otherwise.” His eyes darted to the hallway, as if he could see her through the walls. “Where is she?”
“Napping. Keep your voice down—I don’t want to wake her.”
He moved closer—close enough that I could feel the heat of his body, close enough that I could smell him, close enough that his magnetism seemed to be heedlessly pulling me in. “Addie—I love you. And I love our daughter.”
My heart—what a traitorous thing is the heart!—leapt with joy, even as it broke in two. “I have a son now, too. He’s just five months old.”
He placed his hands on my arms. “I’ll raise him as my own. You know I will.”
Shivers chased up and down my skin. I drew away and folded my arms around my abdomen. Tears thickened my voice. “Joe—please don’t make this worse than it is! I’m married and have a family. Find someone else. Someone free and unencumbered.”
“I don’t want anyone else.”
“You might think that now, but you will if you let me go. Put me out of your mind.”
“Like you have me?” He stepped toward me. “You never would have married Charlie if you hadn’t been carrying my child.”
“I can’t regret that, Joe. Don’t you see? I can’t regret having Eddie.”
“You don’t regret some other man raising my child? I know I sure as hell do.”
The way things were now, one of them would be raising the other man’s child, unless they killed each other and I raised themalone. There was no fix for this situation, and thinking about it made my heart feel as if it were splitting in two. “Joe—please. Just go and leave us in peace.”
“Is that really what you want?”
Somewhere deep inside, I found the strength to say what needed to be said. “Yes. That’s what’s best for my family.”
“Can I at least see Rebecca?”
“No, because she’ll tell Charlie.”
His sigh sounded like a soul exiting a body. He stared at his feet for a long moment, and his shoulders slumped. I wondered if this was how he’d looked when he was taken into captivity, when he had to surrender. At length he looked up. “If he ever mistreats you, Addie... if you ever need anything—anything at all—just let me know. You can always find me here.” He gave me a business card. “I’ll keep that mailbox forever. You can always reach me through it.”
He grabbed me by the shoulders and bent his head to kiss me. Every fiber in my being ached for that kiss—the kiss I’d imagined so many times when I was lying with Charlie—but I knew that if I kissed him once, I couldn’t trust myself not to kiss him again, and again, and again. One kiss, and I might be out the door and down the road, doing everything I knew was wrong.
